He joins me back on the bed holding the small packet, I have only seen condoms in sexual education class, they seemed so intimidating then but now I want to grab it out of his hand and put it oh him. I am thankful that Harry can't hear my indecent thoughts even though his words are dirtier than any thought I have ever had.
"Are..." His voice is low.
"If you ask if I am sure, I will kill you." I tell him and he smiles.
"I was going to say, are you going to help me put this on or should I do it?" He laughs, waving the condom between his thumb and forefinger.
"Oh. I want to, you have to show me how though." I bite my lip.
"Okay." He sits down on the bed and I sit up cross legged. He leans across and kisses me swiftly on my forehead before taking my hand in his. He tears the packet open and I hold my hand out. He chuckles and shakes his head.
"I'll show you, this way." He says and uses our combined hands to put the condom above him. It feels slippery to the touch.
"Now it goes down." He says, his cheeks flushed. His eyes narrow as both of our hands slide the condom over his hard skin.
"That wasn't so bad for a virgin and a drunk." I laugh. He raises an eyebrow at me and smiles. I am glad we are being playful and not so intense, it makes me less nervous for what is about to happen.
"I'm not drunk babe, I had a few drinks and when I showed up here I was slightly impaired but arguing with you has sobered me up, as usual." He smiles and runs his thumb across my bottom lip.
I am pleased with his answer, I don't want him to be passing out half way through or puking on me. I laugh a little at my thoughts and look at him again. His eyes are clear, not glazed like they were an hour ago.
"Now what?" I say before I can stop myself. He laughs, taking my hand and wrapping it around his length.
"Eager?" He tease and I nod.
"Me too." He admits and I move my hand up and down. He shifts his body so he is on top of me. He uses his knee to part my legs, spreading them wide and I feel his fingers rub against me. I wonder if he will be gentle with me, I hope so.
"You're soaking, so that will make it easier." He inhales. His lips meet mine and he kisses me slowly, his tongue teasing mine. His lips seem to be molded against mine, made just for me. He pulls away and kisses the corners of my mouth, followed by my nose then my lips again. My hands go to his back in a desperate attempt to pull him closer to me.
"Slow baby, we need to go slow." He whispers. His lips touching my earlobe.
"It's going to hurt, just tell me if you want me to stop. I mean it, okay?" He says in a gentle voice.
"Okay." I gulp. I have heard that losing your virginity hurts but it can't be that bad. I hope not at least.
He kisses me again, I feel the silky condom brush against me causing me to shudder. Seconds later he presses into me, its such a foreign feeling. My eyes screw shut and I hear myself gasp.
"You okay?" He whispers into the kiss. I nod and he moves further into me. I wince at the pinching feeling inside me. It is just as bad as everyone says, if not worse.
"Fuck." Harry groans. His body is still, unmoving and the feeling is incredibly uncomfortable.
"Can I move?" His voice is so strained and raspy.
"Yea." I say. The pain continues but Harry kisses me all over, my lips, my cheeks, my nose, my neck, and the tears forming at the corner of my eyes. I put my focus on squeezing Harry's arms and his warm tongue to my neck.
'Oh god." He moans and rolls his head back.
"I love you, I love you so much Tess." He breaths against my cheek. The comforter of his voice mutes my pain slightly but it is silly present as his lips slowly roll against mine.
I want to tell him how much I love him but I am afraid if I talk, I will cry.
"Do you...fuck...do you want me to stop?" He stutters. I can hear the pleasure and worry battling in his voice.
I shake my head and watch him in amazement, his eyes are closed tightly. His jaw is clenched in concentration and his hard muscles contract and pull against his inked skin. The pain has almost completely disapeared as I watch him come undone. He brushes my cheekbone with his fingers and kisses me again before burying his head in the crook of my neck. His breath is staggering, hot and wild against my skin. He brings his face to mine and opens his eyes. I would take the pain over and over to be able to fell this way, this deep seeded connection to him that takes me somewhere I never knew existed. The emotion in his eyes as he looks into mine brings more tears to my eyes, it sends me reeling out into the oblivion and then tethers me back to him. I love him and I know without a doubt he loves me. Even if we don't last forever, if we end up never speaking again, I will always know that in this moment he was everything to me.
I can tell that is taking everything in him to control himself, to keep that slow pace for me and I love him all the more for it. Time slows and stops, speeds and stops again as he moves in and out of me. The salty taste of sweat is on his lips as he kisses me, I want more. I kiss his neck and the spot under his ear that I know drives him crazy. He shivers and moan my name.
"You're doing so good baby, I love you so much." He reminds me again.
It doesn't hurt anymore but it is still uncomfortable and there is a slight sting each time he thrusts into me. My lips move to his neck and my hands tug at his hair.
"I love you Harry." I manage to say. He moans and brings his swollen lips to mine.
"Oh baby, I am going to cum. okay?" He says through clenched teeth.
I nod and kiss his neck again, sucking gently on his skin. Harry's eyes never leave mine as he cums, promises of forever and unconditional love are made as he tenses and gently falls onto me. I can feel the heavy thrumming of his heart against my chest and I kiss the top of his dampened hair. His chest stops heaving and he lifts up, pulling out of me. I wince at the sudden emptiness as he pulls the condom off and neatly it back in the wrapper.
"Are you okay? How was it?" His eyes search my face and he looks more vulnerable than I thought possible.
"I'm okay." I assure him. I press my thighs together to dull the ache. I can see the blood on my sheets but I don't want to move.
"Was it...was it what you expected?" He wipes his hair away from his forehead.
"It was better." I answer honestly. Even with the pain, the whole experience was exquisite. I find myself already fantasizing about the next time.
"Really?" He grins. I nod and he leans closer, pressing his forehead to mine.
"How was it for you? It will be better once I have more...experience." I tell him. His grin fades and he presses his fingers under my chin, titling my head to make me look at him.
"Don't say that, it was great baby. It was better than great, it was...the best." He says and I roll my eyes. I am sure he has been with far better, girls who actually know what to do and when to do it.
Answering my thoughts he says, "I didn't love them. It is a completely different experience and when you love the person. Honestly, Tessa. It's totally different, incomparable. Please don't doubt yourself or degrade what we just did." His voice is so soft and sincere I feel my heart swell and I kiss the bridge of his nose.
He smiles and wraps an arm around my waist, pulling me to his chest. He smells so good, even sweaty he is my favorite scent.
"Does it hurt?" He runs his fingers through my hair and twirls a piece over his index finger.
"Sort of...I am afraid to stand up." I laugh. He squeezes me tighter and kisses my shoulder.
"I've never been with a virgin before." He says quietly. I look up at him and his eyes are soft, not mocking in the least.
"Oh." My mind produces hundred questions about his first time. The when, where, who and why. But I push those thoughts away, he didn't love her. He has never loved anyone but me. I don't care about that anymore, the women in his past are just his past. I only care about this beautiful flawed man who just made love for the first time in his life.