'Cheng Fu is not the only one responsible for this mess. I had always kept a part of me aloof from him. I guess I never really gave him a chance to know the real me. So I am equally to be blamed, if not more. As for the news of the engagement, I am glad that it happened then. Else there was a chance that I would have become weak and told him everything. You are probably right about him accepting me without hesitation. But am I the right person for him still? Hell, I don't know if I was the right one all those many years ago and there were enough people questioning me then. The bottom line is I don't want Tang to bring me into his life because of pity or some misguided sense of obligation."
Li Jie shook his head vehemently, "that is not fair, JiaLi. You can't make assumptions on one's behalf and then hold him responsible for something that he hasn't even thought of or done. How do you know what would he do and why? He deserved a chance at the very least".
Jia Li looked at her best friend with blazing eyes and stood up abruptly.
She started pacing agitatedly and battled to get her words out, "he had all the time in the world to act all those years ago. Why didn't he do something when his father insulted my family and me? So what if I told him that I wanted to break off at that time? He simply accepted my answer because it suited him then. All that time I waited, hoped, prayed that he would do something rather than just RESPECT my decision but he ran away. What was I supposed to do? Wait for him till eternity? I knew my parents weren't going to come around anytime soon to his and my alliance. He didn't seem to be dying in my absence either. In fact he hadn't wasted anytime and left for America right after the whole episode. Even during my father's illness, he was nowhere around. It was as if I had stopped existing for him the minute things got tough. My problems were my own, my feelings were my own. So I went ahead and tried to solve my issues as I deemed fit. I attempted to fulfil my filial duty to the best of my ability. After the ugly confrontation with Uncle Xie, my father had constantly worried about whether I would find happiness and companionship in my life. I am happy that my parents saw me as a bride before that wretched accident took them away from me forever. Suddenly, I was left all alone in the world. At that time, had it not been for Fu's support, I wouldn't have survived. He knew all about my past and was willing to accept me the way I was. He had told me to take as much time and space, as I needed. I can't ever forget his words which had made me say yes to him in the first place – I will wait for your heart to stop hurting. In the meanwhile, there is enough love in mine for our relationship to flourish. What a joke that turned out to be!"
Exhausted by the tirade, she slumped on the sofa and gestured Li Jie to join her.
"I know all this has been really hard on you and I can't even begin to imagine your pain. It is ok if you want to blame Tang or anyone or everyone but you need to stop living in the past. All this hurt, which has been accumulated inside you, needs to be purged. I am going out on the limb and saying this to you – the solution to all your problems lies in venting it out. You battled the whole phase with Tang and his father on your own. Both Chung and I had felt helpless when you had shut us out completely. You kept your issues with marriage also hidden from me for the longest time. We used to meet at least once a week and for two full years, you didn't even let out a hint that something was amiss", he said the last line with reproach in his voice.
He cradled her face on his shoulder, "I respect your decision to not tell Tang about your situation with Fu but don't you think it is high time that you both give each other a fair hearing to what actually transpired so many years ago. If you are questioning my timing for such a request, please take a hard look at yourself and also into Tang's eyes. You both are stuck in the past and for you to move on, it is imperative that you communicate".