Her thoughts break off hearing knocking on the door. She didn't stand up to open it. She was far too tired, ever since she slept with Rhys, she has been thinking too much. She just wanted to rest.
It did not take long before she felt a familiar presence by her bedside.
"Master, don't sneak up on me."
Ralph chuckled. "I apologise. I came to check on you, since you were away for so long. How is your health?"
"It's still the same."
"Hold your arm out." Ralph instructed.
Lyn mustered some strength and extended her hand out. "Hmmm, it seems my other disciple has already done something. As expected of his skills."
"Are you saying that Rhys is better than you master?"
"I think you already know the answer to that." Ralph trailed off. "Oh my, it seems like he gave you something other than medical treatment. I see you're still as close as ever."
At those words Lyn sat up blushing. "M-master, d-don't use your magic like that!"
Ralph chuckled. "I apologise. But when two compatible mana's join as one, any high level mage can sense it."
Lyn felt her embarrassment increase, she wanted nothing more than to find a hole and hide somewhere.
"You have your memories back I presume?"
"Yes." Lyn averted her gaze and mumbled. "Now that I remember everything, I feel ashamed of my previous behaviour."
"It's not your fault dear child, you cannot blame yourself."
"But I-"
"Lyn, I received word that Queen J's health isn't good right now. She has had to withdraw the soldiers she placed on our border."
"Ah-"
"For a short while the war with the Snow Kingdom is on hold. While you still have work as Queen to do, you can settle the riots and unease of the people. No, you can focus on what you want to do." Ralph's gaze is gentle. "Dear child, what do you want to do the most right now?"
What she wants to do, ever since she became the Queen. It feels like she hasn't had the freedom to decide. She spent the past five years focusing on developing the Kingdom, after her sister destroyed the economy.
What she has always wanted to do-
"I want to confirm how far these feelings go." Lyn mumbled. "Master you were the only person I told. Even when I had no memories of my time together with Rhys, whenever anybody mentioned him I would react."
How far has Rhys entered her heart?
"I remember how you concluded that you must like him."
"Yes." Lyn whispered. "It's something I never told anybody but you master. Even without my memories, I still believed that I had feelings for him. Now that I remember everything it all makes sense to me. That person must be my soul mate, the other half of my soul. Because even without memories, I still grew to love him."
"It seems Rhys told you that tale."
"Mm, I believe it's a fitting way to describe our relationship."
"Then, what about young Kazuya?"
"My feelings for Kazuya have not gone away. I realise it sounds terrible having feelings for two people, at the same time."
Ralph shook his head. "You and I both know, that with the rules of the Empire allow it."
"That stupid rule." Lyn muttered. "It's the reason why so many people have to suffer, the reason why the people do not know how to love."
"You're still hung up on this it seems."
"Of course I am, do you not find it strange master? The people who live in this Empire get married, sometimes without knowing their partners until the day of the wedding. The women are treated as some type of tool used to create children and the men have no choice but to become Knights or lead their households. Nobody questions these things and continue to follow this same pattern everyday."
The more she spoke about it, the more bitter she felt.
Ralph extended his hand out and patted her hair causing her to pout. "I am already twenty two, but you still treat me like a child master."
"You will always be my dear child." Ralph trailed off. "You want to confirm again which feelings are stronger. It was the same back then too, five years ago you decided on Rhys. But will it be the same now? Only time will tell. I think young Kazuya already knows that, and that is why he is giving you space."
Lyn grumbled frustrated hearing those words. "Master, you should stop making excuses for Kazuya. No matter what you say, right now he is acting like an idiot."
He even made up some lie about doing all the work to make it up to her. But the reality is he is keeping himself busy and not appearing before her just so she could spend time with Rhys.
Ralph chuckled. "You should understand him. But I suppose he didn't think you would sleep with Rhys."
"I-I didn't think I would either!" Lyn exclaimed.
She spent all that time pushing him away before coming here. Even if she has her memories back, she ought to have had the common sense to stop him. However the moment she heard him say those words, the walls she built finally crumbled.
"Your getting very worked up over it, are you embarrassed? It is not the first time you have lain together."
"..."
Only Master would say such things with a straight face.
Lyn sighed deeply. "I know, but I only just remembered everything recently. I am still in the stage of processing everything. Master, I liked Rhys a lot, didn't I?"
"Yes."
"But, I still chose to marry Kazuya shortly after the fight with sister Lethia."
"This is because you wanted to calm the people down. Although your presence alone would have been sufficient. You considered a way to get rid of people's unease completely. Not only did the rightful person take the throne, she already has a husband who is young like her. Seeing that everybody felt relieved."
Lyn laughed weakly. "On my wedding night with Kazuya, nothing happened between us."
"I am aware."
"That person, from the very start only took my hand because he didn't want to see me take on such a heavy responsibility alone. If Rhys had stayed, Kazuya would have left and never appeared before me again."
That's right, she remembers it clearly then. Everybody seemed delighted when she announced that Kazuya would ascend the throne alongside her. There were talks for days about how it won't be long before they have healthy children.
Lyn recalled how she steeled her resolve. 'For the sake of the Kingdom, it is for the sake of the Kingdom.' Kazuya wasn't just a random man too, he was somebody she had previously had feelings for. So Lyn thought it would be easy, but when he kissed her she ended up crying and thinking of Rhys.
She clearly recalled his pained expression. Lyn lays back down and eventually hears the master leave. 'Can I truly decide?'
*Unedited*