It started off like any other day. A normal day. The sun was shining, the birds were tweeting ... but it was not to be. It was the dreaded V-Day. The day when girls are somehow transformed like how the full moon transforms one into a werewolf. The day -
Xing Han whacked Kyle at the back of his head, "Oi. Can't you even start off normally?"
Kyle rubbed the back of his head dramatically, "That IS normal!! Seriously, the day was created by evil people."
"It's supposed to be the most romantic event ever," Xing Han protested, "People exchanging gifts, declaring their love, secret passion and so forth." He then sighed dramatically.
"Only single people will understand," Xing Han said with a flourish, putting the back of his hands on his forehead to complete the dramatic act of his.
Kyle rolled his eyes at that, "Excuse me? I am single too you know."
"You don't count," Xing Han complained with a pout, "I'm talking about the real single people. Who has no one. Who is alone. Like me. Or Sam. You and Ali are hot potatoes so you have never known what it's like to be truly single."
"Don't put me in the same shoes as you, Xing Han," Sam retorted, "It never bothered me."
"Okay. FINE," Xing Han huffed, "Real, NORMAL single people then."
"The Forever Alone Man?" Kay teased.
"Oh man, Kay. Not YOU TOO," Xing Han groaned.
"Why be so bothered anyway, Xing Han? Valentine's Day is overrated, commercialised and its history has nothing to do with romance!" Kyle continued.
"There are just SO many theories about its origins though two stand out the most. One, that it is to commemorate the death of St. Valentine, who was a priest supposedly going against the decree of a Roman Emperor that outlawed marriage for all young men serving in the army. He married the couples in secret.
"So the tradition of giving gifts purported to be from the act of those secretly married couples giving him flowers and letters when imprisoned. Another version was that he fell in love with his jailor's daughter and sent her a letter signed 'Your Valentine' on the card.
"Or the other popular version was that it is a Roman festival called Lupercalia, that was celebrated on February 15. It was to ward off the danger of wolves to their flocks and honouring their God Lupercalia. The St. Valentine's version is more aggressively pitched since it is based on 'Catholic' virtues while the Lupercalia festival is considered 'Pagan'," Kyle explained.
"Er, okay Kyle," said Xing Han with a yawn, "What's with this history of Valentines Day got to do with anything?"
"It's EVERYTHING!" Kyle said with a huff, "How on Earth did the stupid tradition of 'giving gits' to your crush or what-not come from? One version had couples giving gifts of gratitude to a person condemned for death, another version had Stockholm Syndrome* and yet another was about warding off wolves??"
"And the girls ... when Valentine's Day comes along, they transform! Perhaps it truly is a Lupercalia Festival. Since it's not celebrated properly, instead of warding off wolves, they become wolves!" Kyle finished his argument with a flourish as he opened the final present on his desk.
"Oh, Kyle. There's more near the pantry. There wasn't any more space on your table," Ingrid told him.
Kyle banged his head on the table in resignation. This is going to take a while.
"So what DID happen last year?" Natasha prompted.
"Let me tell it," Xing Han said, "Kyle is probably going to go into another horror story or lecture about Valentines Day instead."
Kyle mumbled something incoherently while his head was still on the desk. He then turned his head and laid his cheek there, sighing, "Girls are monsters. Really. No offence."
Kay patted his cheek, "Only to you, dear brother. So you're the monster creator."
"Okay, so it's like this. You all know that were are all from Retsu Primary School, right?" Xing Han said as he looked at his rapt audience.
His classmates nodded.
"Well, generally, Valentine's Day at Retsu wasn't bad. I mean, we were all just kids, right?"
"We're still kids," Kyle butted in, "And those weren't kids. They were like gremlins ..."
Xing Han covered Kyle's mouth and shushed him, "Quiet, Bearer of Doom. I am speaking."
Kyle moved his lips but Xing Han wouldn't budge. With a smirk, Kyle then stuck out his tongue and thoroughly wetted Xing Han's palm.
Xing Han screeched and wiped the drool off with Kyle's shirt, "Man, Kyle! Why the heck did you have to do THAT? So disgusting!!"
Xing Han shuddered while Kyle just laughed, not taking his head off the table.
"Anyway, as I was saying," Xing Han said after he glared at the laughing Kyle, "Normally, Valentine's Day would come and go without much of a problem. But last year, it was our final year at school. It was as if suddenly, it hit them, that we wouldn't be around anymore."
"So they took the opportunity to send their love and thoughts on Valentine's Day."
"What's so bad about that?" asked Beatrice curiously, "Isn't that quite normal?"
"Not when almost the entire school sent them," Xing Han pointed out.
"Oh come on, stop exaggerating. It was only the upper primary school kids,**" Kyle corrected, "Even then, it was weird."
There was this huge crowd of girls gathered at the entrance, wanting to personally give Kyle their gifts. Then some had sneaked in early to put it on his desk. Some even put it in his locker. Some took out those in the locker and threw it away, then put theirs in. Some tripped girls who wanted to give the gifts to Kyle," Xing Han said in excitement.
"You should have seen it! It was chaos! When they couldn't get Kyle, they'd get us to give it to him. The gifts were piled up so high that it took us 5 trips to carry them all."
"Don't forget the fights that broke out," Sam said.
"Fights? There were fighting?" Ingrid gasped. She couldn't imagine kids that young, fighting?
"That's right!" Xing Han said, snapping his fingers, "Some girls found out that their gifts were dumped in the dustbin by their competitors, so they confronted them. Kyle had to try and break up the fights, which also resulted in his clothes getting ripped. It was really funny."
"Ha ha ha," Kyle said, "Funny to you, maybe. Imagine getting mobbed like that. Those little hands just grabbing onto me and whatever they could hold. Who knew that they had such strength to rip my shirt anyway?!"
"I heard that those strips of ripped clothes and buttons are still being kept as a treasure," Sam said, "Though some did sell theirs on eBay. It's a good source of income."
"You kept track of them?" Xing Han asked in amazement.
"Of course," Sam said, "Basic investigative skills. You can't just stop gathering news just because the event is over, right?"
Beatrice listened to all of this in shock. Just what sort of life did Kyle lead anyway? It sounded so bizarre and out-of-this-world.
"And don't get me started on the older ones. So bold, touching me everywhere," Kyle snorted, "The young ones just wanted a souvenir. The older ones?"
"Just wanted you," Ali said, laughing so hard that he had to clutch his stomach.
"Oh please, Ali," Kyle complained, "They were only 12!"
"What? They just wanted to touch you. Such an innocent want, dear Kyle," Ali said with a huge grin, looking at him innocently, "Just WHAT were you thinking anyway?"
Kyle groaned. He walked right into that one.
"And another thing!" Kyle said as he distributed the chocolates to everyone in Sage Class, "Why wait until Valentine's Day?"
"What do you mean?" asked Ingrid.
"If you want to confess, then confess. If you want to give a gift, then do so - or on their birthday, if you are able to find out. If you want to express your love, then why wait?" Kyle listed out the points.
"But the absolute worst thing about Valentine's Day? No, wait. There are two. One: that girls tend to expect something from their boyfriend. Flowers, romantic date and so forth. Do you know how much more expensive things are on that day itself? Poor guy, he's got to save up so much just for one day. If you mess up, you're in the cold house for weeks!"
The guys in Sage Class nodded their heads in agreement.
"Two: the feelings of those who do NOT get anything at all. Sometimes one already feels left out, or ostracised and during that day, which human being doesn't feel something when they are the only one who doesn't get something?" Kyle said as he walked to where the rest of his gifts were.
"YIKES!" he shouted and pointed at the pile that was hidden behind the counter, "Seriously, guys? When did they ever have the time to come and send them??"
As if on cue, everyone, even Beatrice, just went ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Kyle groaned and started mumbling complaints under his breath as he stood there and began opening them.
"You make very valid points, Kyle," said Beatrice. Especially the last one as it felt like he hit it too close to home. She always said that it didn't matter but deep, deep down, she knew it did. She had never gotten a Valentine.
"But why are you so scared about next year? I mean, nothing happened this year," she continued by asking.
"Have you forgotten who was principal at that time?" Sam asked.
Beatrice could have slapped herself on her forehead. Dobbins. The Principal had made it crystal clear that year that Valentine's Day was canceled. She gave no explanation but stated that no one was to make a fuss at Valentine's Day. Anyone caught sending things would be punished.
"That was one good thing that Dobbins did, actually," Kyle admitted, "No rabid girls."
"Just for that comment, you're on your own, Kyle," huffed Beatrice.
"Yeah, let him suffer," agreed Natasha. Ingrid giggled. Kay just smiled.
Kyle just rolled his eyes and went back to his 'work'.