Shinobu didn't expect to see a familiar face outside the flat at night.
"Hello, remember me?" Chiaki smiled lopsidedly.
"Chiaki." Shinobu nodded.
"I'm surprised. I really didn't expect to see you in a suit," Chiaki laughed. "Thought the guys were just bullshitting me."
"How are you?" Shinobu asked. Chiaki was still the same, pretty with a flirtatious smile.
"Okay, I guess," Chiaki shrugged. "Wanna grab a drink?"
It was Shinobu's earliest night from work that week. The summer internship was brutal, with the steep learning curve, the pressure to impress and the requisite team socialising. All he really wanted to do was to go home and sleep.
However, Ren was out at a club with his course mates that night and wouldn't be home until dawn. He was also curious why Chiaki had turned up unexpectedly.
"Quick one," he agreed. "There's a place around the corner."
"Let's go!"
They didn't say anything on the walk to the small pub. It was still crowded and raucous, with patrons smoking and drinking. Shinobu got two spots at the counter.
"What do you want?" he asked Chiaki.
"You know what I like," Chiaki teased.
Shinobu ordered two beers.
When the drinks came, Chiaki took a large swallow and let out a satisfied sigh. "This is so nice."
In the harsher light, there was a certain tiredness to his face.
"How did you find me?"
"Bumped into Ito at work. Gave me your address," Chiaki laughed. "Well, I pestered him."
He had kept in touch with Ito after they left the orphanage. They did share the same bunk for years, after all. If Chiaki met Ito at work, that meant that he was probably a host.
"How's work?" he asked.
"The money's really good. It's not that difficult too, except that some of my clients get jealous. I'm quite popular, you know."
"I'm not surprised," Shinobu commented wryly.
"Come by my club sometime. I'll give you a discount. It's way better than Ito's club."
Shinobu ignored the invitation and remarked, "Not sure he'd agree."
"I forgot. You're taken now." Chiaki leaned closer. "Is he as good as me?"
Shinobu gave him a sharp, cool glance.
Chiaki laughed and drew back. "Don't worry! I'm just teasing. Sheesh, you weren't so uptight before."
"Why are you here?" Shinobu finally asked, sensing that something was off.
"Just wanted to see you," Chiaki shrugged. Then he looked at his mug and chuckled. "You did good, didn't you?"
That made Shinobu uncomfortable. "I guess."
"Should've tried to hang onto you back then," Chiaki turned and studied him, strangely wistful. "Who knew you'd be the type to settle down?"
"We were just fooling around," Shinobu reminded him quietly.
"True," Chiaki took another healthy swallow and finished the drink. He stood up. "Thanks for the drink. Here, my card. Never know when you need it."
It would be impolite to leave the card on the counter so Shinobu pocketed it.
He told Chiaki seriously, "Watch out for yourself."
"Yeah, when have I not?" Chiaki's grin turned somewhat bitter. "See you around!"
Shinobu watched as he left the pub and nursed his own drink slowly, before paying the tab.
xxxxxxxxxxxxx
Shinobu turned on the lights and saw Ren's bag dumped on the floor and his keys carelessly tossed on the table.
"You're back!" Ren stepped out of the bathroom, drying his wet hair with a towel. "I thought you'd be late at work."
"You're early," Shinobu returned.
"Didn't you see my message?" Ren asked, excitement and anticipation in his eyes.
"What message?" Shinobu was confused.
"Oh, you didn't," Ren pouted. "Anyway, I just-"
Shinobu had taken off his jacket and Chiaki's card fell out of his pocket. Ren saw it and picked it up. His cheerful expression disappeared.
"What's this?"
"It's not what you think," Shinobu sighed. "I met Chiaki. He gave me his card."
"Chiaki..?" Ren frowned before he remembered. His voice was strained when he said, "You haven't seen him since high school."
"He found me. It was just a drink."
"Just a drink," Ren repeated slowly.
"Why are you upset?" Shinobu didn't think it was a big deal.
"Why? I don't know. Maybe you'd like to read my message instead of drinking with your ex?" Ren demanded.
"He's not an ex. And I didn't receive the message," Shinobu responded coldly and took out his phone. He scrolled through and saw Ren's message from late afternoon.
Shit. He had completely missed that.
Then there was the content.
"Congratulations," his words came out automatically. His mind and emotions however were having trouble to compute.
"It's a big deal. Didn't want to call you since I didn't want to bother you at work," Ren told him. "Guess I should have."
"I AM busy at work," Shinobu defended himself.
"So busy you could see Chiaki?"
"You were out clubbing."
"Because I thought you were stuck in the office!"
"Well, some of us need to make a living."
"It's not like I'm having fun all the time!"
"Aren't you?" Shinobu bit out and knew immediately that he shouldn't have.
Ren went deadly quiet, clearly hurt. Yet Shinobu couldn't help but feel the resentment he had been ignoring.
"It's not my fault that I can," Ren said in a small voice. "Don't make me feel guilty about it."
He shouldn't. Shinobu's rational mind understood that.
"It's late. Let's talk about this tomorrow," he said instead.
Ren bit his lip and nodded tightly.
xxxxxxxxxxxxx
In the end, they didn't speak to each other until the weekend. It was easy to avoid a conversation due to Shinobu's hours. Ren also conveniently spent a couple of nights at home.
When they finally sat down at the table on a late Saturday morning, the tension was high.
"What do you think about it?" Ren began, looking down at his cup.
Shinobu was surprised. He had thought that Ren would accept, given it was a coveted spot for an exchange programme with an illustrious foreign university.
He didn't like the fact that Ren would be away for almost a year and a half. However, Shinobu forced himself to be objective.
"It's too good to pass. You should go."
That sounded detached even to himself.
Ren tightened his hold on the cup. "You're right. It'll be a great experience."
Then he asked Shinobu, "Will you visit me?"
"I'm not sure," Shinobu replied honestly since he wasn't certain he could afford to, both in terms of expenses and time.
"I'll pay for your ticket," Ren offered and then added quickly. "I mean, you can pay me back later."
It was kind of Ren to try to preserve his dignity. Shinobu found himself giving way to self-pity and that irked him.
"We can call each other," he countered.
Ren insisted. "Don't be stubborn."
"I need to focus on finding a permanent job after finals."
"You have vacation days. It can be a short trip."
"Can we see how it goes?"
Ren started to say something and then changed the subject abruptly. "What about the flat? You're going to let me continue to pay for half of the rent, right?"
"No, I'll find somewhere smaller," Shinobu had thought that was the practical solution.
"You don't need to. I'm not going to be away for that long," Ren contended.
"It's one and a half years, Ren."
"What do you mean? You think I'm not coming back?"
"You can't predict the future."
"Why do you make it sound as if I'm abandoning you?"
"I didn't say that."
"How do you think I feel? Maybe you're hooking up with other people while I am away."
"You're the one going to a foreign country!"
"You're the one who's slept around before. I haven't been with anyone but you!"
"You knew that before we got together. Don't start now."
"Well, maybe I should broaden my horizons when I'm there!"
Ren blurted that out and then drew in a sharp breath.
Shinobu felt a dreadful, chilling sensation in his gut. He stood up and took his keys and jacket.
Ren followed him to the door and grabbed his sleeve. He whispered. "Don't be mad. I didn't mean that."
"I'm just getting some milk. For coffee," Shinobu said evenly.
They both knew that he didn't even like milk with his coffee. Ren let go.
xxxxxxxxxxxxx
The couples in the films and novels almost always parted ways after someone cheated or due to the intervention of a villainous third party.
Ren almost wished that it was the case with him and Shinobu. Either fiction had been lying or their relationship was fucked up.
He had wanted an assurance that they would stay together, however small the gesture or the words. When he didn't hear them from Shinobu, he had lashed out.
The truth was that he was afraid and insecure.
He also couldn't read what was on Shinobu's mind. After the tragically irrational conversation, everything happened mechanically. They broke the lease and Shinobu quickly found another flat. Ren moved back into his family's apartment while he waited for his departure date.
He filled in all his visa applications, found lodgings near his exchange university, packed his luggage and said goodbyes to his friends. His mother and Aunt Minami were so pleased they booked him a business class ticket.
Shinobu continued as usual and appeared to be doing well on his internship.
They didn't speak of promises and commitment.
The unspoken understanding was that there was none.
He had half hoped as he was waiting at the airport that Shinobu would come running at the very last minute like in the movies. He had even considered missing his flight.
Instead he got a message.
'Safe flight. Take care.'
The quietest of a break up, if they could call it that.
Ren's eyes teared up. He boarded his flight.