It was the sixth night of the week. There was no work today. I came from college and stayed in my room, waiting for Amaan's call. She and I met up in front of the house. It was to the buffet first. And then to the shopping. Then to a bookstore. Finally, a movie. And then back home. We'd part with a kiss and go to bed.
I knew something was wrong when I set my eyes on her. she was annoyed. She was not pleasant like always. She also felt cagey.
Her car was waiting for us. We sat on either side of the back seat. The engine started pulling the vehicle and I, like always, extended my hand at Amaan. She'd always hold it for the while we drove from place to place. But this time she slammed her hand against mine and swatted it out of her personal space. She turned around and started glaring outside of the window on her side. Dejected, I did the same.
The streets glittered like milky way. Different sizes and colors of lights illuminated the almost darkening sky. It was all the same that I saw everyday, except one anomaly. Just before we took an exit from our street, I spotted a boy. He was the same chatterbox boy who was in my class. He had his backpack and was still in his clothes that I saw at college.
I opened my mouth to mention the uninteresting fact but closed it immediately. Something was bothering Amaan, and her sour mood could affect our whole evening. The buffet was silent. We didn't talk much. The shopping was uninteresting. it took a bookstore to cheer her up. I mentioned how I liked Japanese comics called 'manga'. After spending money on thirty manga volumes Amaan was feeling much better. We skipped our movie and instead got some dinner. Then we headed home with our books.
We were standing in front of the main gate. Her head maid was handed all the books while me and Amaan basked under the chilly winter sky. The moon was half visible, emitting enough light for me to read the uneasy feeling on Amaan's face.
"I guess I should ask you to come inside. It was a date after all," Amaan said.
"Is that right? Well, you don't have to play with the social etiquettes around me. I know you are tired of your meeting in the afternoon. And you'd prefer to go to bed. So, I wont force you for the cup of coffee."
"Madonna, I really have something that I want to show you," Amaan said smilingly.
"Oh Yeah, what is it?"
Amaan grabbed my hand and led me inside. The steps she was talking were not those that I was familiar with. They were peppered with restlessness and anxiety. It was the best guess since I could not see her face. It never crossed me that it could be curiosity.
That is what was across the board when we entered her room and she directly led me to a secret door. She made sure I was not peeking and carefully plucked a long, wiggly pink double ended dildo. I could not help but get attracted by the serpentine device.
I shot look at Amaan, and then at the dildo. Then again at Amaan.
Her eyes were beaming with curiosity.
"Amaan, why do you have it?"
"It's our sex partner. Just to spice it up."
I put my palm at on my forehead. What I was about to say would probably piss her off.
"Listen, I don't do dildos well."
She tilted her head slightly, seeming cute, and asked," Why not?"
"I-"I hesitated to give out the explicit details of my past so casually. I chose not to bother with the detail.
"-Just because. I don't mean to blow you off. And I do appreciate you are covering your bases. But I don't see myself anywhere near this device."
Amaan was dejected. But she nodded softly and muttered I do. I was barely able to listen to it but didn't delve into it.
"Amaan, good night?" I asked, wondering if we were ready to retire for the night.
"Hmm," Amaan agreed with me.
I turned around and started walking towards the door. I had taken only couple of steps when I turned my head left and the small trash bin. It would have been same if I didn't catch something else in it. Without missing a beat, I turned around and walked towards the bin to reaffirm my doubt.
They were right.
It was a condom, sitting on top of the mountain of paper.
It was stretched. Up to around four inches.
I picked it up and marched to Amaan. She saw the piece of latex between my index and middle finger. Closing the secret cupboard from where the dildo came from, she turned to look at me.
"What it this?" I asked. I was not polite.
"A condom," She casually explained the fact that I already knew.
"What is it doing in your room?"
"Why? Is it uninvited?"
My temper was raising by the second.
"Stop. And answer."
Amaan raised her right hand and carefully placed under my chin. She closed the gap between our noses and stared directly in my eyes. I was going to retract just like always but stood my ground for the explanation I clearly deserved. The doubt that was in my eyes came through with a twitch in my neck, making Amaan smile.
"I don't owe you an explanation, Madonna," she declared.
The fear I was trying to fight away came gushing back.
"Please, tell me."
"Oh! Now you want to plead. Fine, I'll tell you."
She took her face away from mine and spoke," I was trying it out. On myself."
Heh?!
What?!
"Why?"
"I was curious?!"
We both shared moments of silence that followed us. I was shocked. She was embarrassed.
I turned around and started walking away from her. Amaan broke her silence and spoke before I left her room.
"You're just going to leave? Nothing to retort?"
I turned around, barely holding my laughter inside. My puffed cheeks and red eyes showed Amaan everything was back on track.
If only…
"I don't feel like staying here, because you may try to do weird things to me. So, I'll see you tomorrow."
If only…
Amaan broke into a hearty laughter. I turned around, with hands in my pocket. I kept the restless attitude as I walked down the stairs. I was twitching. I was feeling something.
What was it?
It was not laughter. It was not acceptance.
It was doubt. A breach of trust.
I clenched the condom in my pocket and decided to go to the roots of this.
If only I…
The next day I attended college like always. The guy whom I saw yesterday on my street was noisy as ever. I stole a glace to look at him murmuring something among his friends but thought nothing of it. It was not business to intervene.
The classes were over four hours later. I was the last one to leave. Since I was feeling a little under the weather, I decided to buy a cola from canteen before heading home. As I made my way through the crowd to the front of the line in canteen, something caught my ears. At a distance I heard Amaan's name and a shush that followed immediately after.
I looked around and saw the same guy on first floor among his posse. All of them were on their respective phones, salivating.
Call it human emotions, or rage, or stupidity, but I made a connection between the guy and Amaan.
I got my glass bottle of cola and thanked the teller. I started drinking my chilly beverage and it started finding its way through my body. All the time, I didn't move my eyes off of the boys.
Five guys. One woman. Time to Play.
I climbed the stairs and could hear their murmurs lowering in voice. I decided to stick with my instincts. The empty glass bottle in my hands started making constant clanking noises against the railing that ran along the staircase. The boys had stopped talking. After a loud shatter, I could feel their legs twitching in anxiety and fear. They finally set eyes on me and froze on the spots they stood.
What they saw was a woman, basked in hot sun behind her, equipped with broken glass bottle. The aura of hostility emitted from her. and the five targets were directly in front of her. the eyes of all of the involved parties were vastly different.
In a quick motion, I covered the distance and stood behind their group. Two of them were in front, three behind me. Instead of trying to assault me, they bailed on their allies and found their own paths to escape. The look of fear and smell of their sweat really made me feel pity for them.
I grabbed one with the collar, and brandished my broken bottle like a trophy in another boy's face.
"I need some answers. I am just curious," I let them know I was not playing around. "Nod if you don't feel forced."
They did.
"What were you talking about right before I came?"
One of them responded," We're club members. We were discussing club activities."
"While being on your phones?"
"We- We were sharing schedules."
"What was with the giggles."
"We were enjoying our time before you showed up."
"Ho… What is the club's name?"
There was silence.
I had to wave the bottle in my hand to stir them into responding to my question.
"A1 club," He said.
"Huh? What is that?"
"We are named A1 club because…"
The other boy elbowed him to silence him. I glared at him to inform the possible pain he can endure at my hands.
"Continue," I said to the other boy without looking at him.
"Do you know the story of 'Cornerstone'?"
I didn't.
"Well, go ahead and read on it. One of the major figures that come up would be A1. Please. It'll give you all the answers, I promise. Just don't make us say it."
I instructed the boy to take out his cellphone and open the article he was talking about. He did. He handed me his cellphone and I put it in my pocket, promising to return him tomorrow.
I turned around and started to leave but gave them a disclaimer as to what would happen if they talked about it. They nodded in cold sweat. I walked down the stairs and threw the broke bottle in the nearest trash bin. Then I broke into a stride, lamenting over my behavior. But I had gotten answers. Or at least a part of it. An answer to the unasked question. An undesired one.
If only I had trusted Amaan.