Under the thick clouds I sat. It was neither sunny nor pouring . It was just foggy and that's how it has been since the dawning of the day. The sky is patched with different shades of blue with a little tint of silver gray, drawing lines that will take someone whose heart is lull to decipher. As for me, my heart is as cloudy as the sky, waiting for an import. Now this is where I get bemused, I do not know if it's the meaning I am looking for or a medium to express the meaning.
It is Friday, an half working day in this part of the country and the school is closed. But here I am sitting on the swing and staring into space not looking at anything in particular. You would imagine how old I am, but does age really matter when you are finding a meaning or looking for a way to express a meaning? When things happen and I suggest a solution, I would hear adults retort back at me " you do not understand", and then I wonder what they mean. This thing is crystal clear for heaven's sake, what's there not to comprehend?. The last time this happened was a night ago.
My mother's friend Rabbiyatu came by our house. It was not an unusual visit because she always comes by when she has nothing doing for her father. Her mother is dead, so she sees my mum as her best friend, although she is quite younger than my mum. She is more like a daughter to her. Aged 17 with the most beautiful eyes ever seen, I was always comfortable with her and saw her as a sister. While talking to my mum, I greeted her and she startled me.
" Koko, I am getting married soon. I will be moving to Lagos"
"Married" I said laughing.
" What's going to happen to your schooling?" I added.
" I will continue there, if my husband allows. If he doesn't, I stop" she said seriously.
"Stop? Are u serious about this? What happened? You are just going to let your dreams down the drain just like that? " I asked now taking her serious.
"Koko, I am" she sighed
" How? When? But...." I stammered. I know her to be very particular about being more educated.
" A woman has to be a woman" my mom came in.
" What woman? A woman has to be a woman when she is a woman. She is not you mum. She is barely an adult.... She's still got a long way to being a woman. She is supposed to be focused on passing her WAEC exams and going to the University not being a woman" I replied my mum.
" You wouldn't understand" my mum said. That wasn't the only one.
" But Rabby, what happened? Why are you doing this to yourself? I thought you wanted to make a difference. Why do you want to throw the chance away? " I asked Rabby, ignoring my mum and then the second one came, this time from Rabby.
" You wouldn't understand Koko, I just came to tell you to prepare to be my abokani Amariya (bridesmaid).
"Really?" I asked astounded.
" So she really thinks I would want to do that" I thought to myself.
" Yes now,you are like my friend" she said with a smile. You could say that's one of the cutest fake smiles ever.
" Anyway, since I do not understand this decision of yours, I do not think I understand what being your bridesmaid means. I do not want to be your bridesmaid" I stated instantaneously.
" That's unfair, Koko. You always talk like you have stones in your heart. You are a woman faa. do not forget Rabbi is your friend" Mother cajoled
" Mum, you wouldn't understand" I said. I think it was only fair I said mine too. If they think I wouldn't understand their decision, then they would not understand mine too.
" Don't mind her, I will talk to her. She is just a drama queen. She behaves just like her father but she is as soft as a day old baby. I am sure she is missing you already. Congratulations anyway" I heard my mum say while I go out. Drama queen? Who is the drama queen? Me who was telling my friend the truth and being sincere with her? Or my mum who knows what Rabbi wants to do now might be a mountain of regrets in the future but has failed to tell her nor stop her, instead she is saying congratulations ? Or Rabbi who has refused to weigh her life's options and stick with what she truly desires. In my opinion I think, they are all confused.