I woke up with a loud buzzing noise in my sleep. As I try to move, the pain in my body went up to my head and immediately felt sore all over my body,
"Argh....it...hu....rts.." I cried out in pain.
Looking at my surrounding, I only saw the white four walls of the room and the smell of antiseptic made its way on my nose.
Then I remember the accident.
The feeling of hopelessness as I tried to stay conscious, the fear of the aftermath and most and fore all, the still growing life inside of me.
"It seems like you've woken up now"
The clear voice of a man resonated around the room as I tried to sit back but the pain in my body made me unable to do so. He sees the situation I am in and helped me.
"You are Ms.?"
"Mrs. Eiri Cohen" He smiled at me and proceed to give me the details of the accident.
"The people who were still conscious called the ambulance, fortunately, they remained calm as they tried to narrate the events. Now, you have some broken ribs and a few bruises and cuts. I advise you to stay in the hospital for a few more weeks, the least is three weeks in order to ensure that you have no brain damage and to recuperate your health again"
I stayed silent at the doctor's words, still adapting to the fact that I am here in a hospital all alone. Then the thought of my child alarmed me as I nervously ask the doctor.
"How's...how's my b....baby?"
The grip I had in the sheet was tight as I fought the urge to vomit due to the immense panic brewing in me.
The face of the doctor turned grave, he blinks hard as he swallowed and answered.
"The baby....didn't survive"
I heard him shout, his face was grave as he tried to held me down. Several nurses came and immediately turned into action as they presses me down in the bed.
It was deafening, the sound of a loud high pitched voice made my skin erupt into goosebumps.
Then I noticed that the deafening scream was coming in my own mouth.
Losing consciousness, I ignore the pain when they held me tightly that will leave some bruises in my skin nor do I felt the pain of an injection plunges into my neck.
The only pain I felt was the feeling of losing your own child.
.....
Tears hit the pillow I have pressed in my cheeks as I choke on the sob I have in my mouth. I feel like there was something lodged in my throat where I can't breathe properly.
I was all alone, even in the past year, I was always alone.
Now, I knew I am truly alone. For the child who will accompany me in my hardest moments was gone.
I can never see my child smile, nor see who he/she resembles. I can never relish to the feeling of tiredness when I play with him/her and could never see my child talking and walking as well as making friends.
I could never see a future with my dearest child.
I stand up from my bed, taking a slipper on me, I went into the balcony. There was a hanging chair and a little circular table lace into it. Taking a seat, I breathed the fresh air of the night. It was cold yet I could only feel the coldness in my heart.
Looking into the night, I whispered gently, the words rolled into my mouth as it glides through the wind.
"Goodnight, my baby"