Claire... What are you thinking right now? What would you do if I told you that I did this because my emotions had got the better of me? What would you do if you found out that... I was using just you?
{The next part of the story will be narrated from Claire's PoV.}
Just what was I doing? I clearly knew what positions both of us are in, and yet... Was it because of the emptiness and loneliness I felt? Or the realisation I came to not too long ago..?
The day he told me that what happened 8 years ago was just miscommunication and that person's meddling, I've been so confused about my feelings.
I locked my heart that day. I hated him to the core and blamed him for all my misery when in reality, it wasn't even his doing. Ever since then, there had been a strange feeling in my heart whenever I saw or thought about him.
Was it belated guilt? Frustration? Perhaps, both and my resurfacing feelings for him. How laughable. I was the one who ended our relationship and now, I was aching for it to be reignited.
7 years with Troy could never make me feel like this or even feel anything for him but just a few weeks with him have made me long for him with my mind and body. Is this just my destiny? To be trapped like this?
Although I thought this, I couldn't help but anticipate what was to come. I was practically breathless just from a kiss, as though I was a novice at this. Then, without a warning...
Ashton:..! Claire?
Claire:....
A drop of tear rolled down my cheek and fell between our sealed lips.
Why..? Why did I... I don't understand. He asked me what was wrong but I was so confused that I couldn't say anything. Tears keep pouring out of my eyes. My hands that were wrapped around his neck for thirst now clung on to his shirt for support.
This is so embarassing. I dipped my head so that he couldn't see my face. I thought that I could suppress these annoying emotions as I pleased, but I found myself so vulnerable around him. I wanted to be a strong woman and yet here I was, having cried twice in front of this man in one day.
I had expected him to pull away but instead, he embraced me.
Ashton: I'm sorry...
Claire:..!
My eyes widened in surprise at the unexpected response. I should've be the one to apologise; I'm a terrible person. I almost did something so selfish to satisfy my needs. I felt guilt lingering in the back of my mind and yet... I somehow didn't want to stop.
Ashton: I'll send you home.
He said as we started walking away. A cold gust of wind brushed past me and out of impulse, I blurted out something.
Claire: I don't want to go there.
I was sick of returning to the same cold apartment everyday. I was sick of being lonely. For once... I wanted to be selfish again. I didn't want to be alone. He stared at me for a moment before grabbing my hand and leading me to his car.
Were we going to... I shook my head. I had asked for this, there was no point in feeling bad now.
Claire:... Where are we going?
I finally broke the awkward silence and he simply glanced my way for a second before looking back at the road.
Ashton: You'll see.
Claire:...
I felt nervous as though I was the innocent and inexperienced little teen all over again. It's not like I haven't... Back when we were dating, I was so conservative and shy that I never let out relationship progress further.
At the time, I would've never imagined that we'd do it this way. I had many regrets from those days and if I could "make up" for one, that felt redeeming to me.
However, my expectations were soon proven wrong....
Ashton: We're here.
Claire:..! This is..!
I had dozed off on the way and his voice woke me up with a start. We were far from the bustling city and into a calm and quiet hilly area. There were rows of tall trees on either side of the road and the air had a refreshing fragrance of flowers. It smelled so cl-
Ashton: The air here is quite clean here, doesn't it?
Claire: Yeah...
I rolled down the window a bit more to better feel the fresh atmosphere. Just then, I spotted a somewhat familiar place right ahead of us.
"Hillside Cottage"; I had heard about this place when my colleague was doing a review article on it a few months ago. It gained a lot popularity due to its scenic destination and vintage architecture and interior.
But... This place is crazy expensive! Was he going to spend so much just for one night?! Before we could enter the gates, I swiftly turned towards him and grabbed his thigh.
Claire: I can't let you spend so much on an ONS!
He had already paid a hefty bill for me in the afternoon and now this! I couldn't owe him so much (and it was also a waste of money)! He simply looked at me, puzzled.
Ashton: What are you talking about?
Claire: I-...
My face flushed instantly. Had I got the wrong idea?! I quickly pulled my hand back and hid my crimson face. He paused for a moment before speaking again.
Ashton: I'm a jerk but not that great of a jerk to take advantage of you while you're in a vulnerable state of mind.
Claire:...
Something about those words touched my heart. I'd spent years years using this as a way of suppressing my real feelings and not once did my partners say anything like this.
This was one more reason why I couldn't help but regret seperating from him. Maybe it was because I never met good people or because I locked my heart towards everyone else, but I just couldn't get over these rekindling feelings.
I didn't know how he felt though. Did he feel the same way? No... Why would he have jeopardized so much and got married if he did. Maybe I was just a side story for him because he couldn't get over the past.
One thing led to another and now we were sitting on the lush grass outside the Garden Suite that we booked. My mind was so preoccupied with these puzzling thoughts that I didn't even get a good look at the lobby however, the open night sky, cool and tingling night breeze and melody from crickets made me feel like I didn't really miss out.
Claire: I can't remember the last time I sat on grass, this feels so weird!
Ashton: Really? I think that it's quite comfy.
He said, as he stroked the grass surrounding him fondly. What's the definition of "comfy" in your dictionary? He was right anyhow.. This felt nice.
I felt so at peace. There were no flashing lights, hustle bustle of the streets or enclosure between the four walls of your apartment. I could understand why people would spend so much to come here.
But...
Claire: Why did you bring me here?
I turned to him and peered at his face, hugging my knees close. He simply shrugged and looked up at the beautiful sky.
Ashton: You said that you didn't want to go home so I thought that this might be a nice change of pace to relax. I've been wanting to come here for a while and I didn't choose this place solely because of you, by the way.
I had a feeling that he added the last part just so I felt more at ease. I felt a smile spread across my face.
Claire: I see. Thank you for doing this.
We smiled and gazed into each other's eyes without saying a word. This time the silence wasn't awkward, but peaceful....