CHAPTER 59: Chocolate covered heartache
"Are you sure about this? It looks pretty nasty." Arei mumbled as he poured melted chocolate over a rarer than rare steak. The wolf beside him nudged his leg in excitement as drool gathered around her lips. He shook his head as he set the plate in the floor. "You know they say chocolate isn't good for dogs." Shelly paid him no attention as she tore into the steak. He glanced to the hallway leading to the bedrooms. "Has Jos been out of her room yet?" He asked, his eyes still trained on the hallway. He glanced down to see Shelly shaking her head 'no' quickly before going back to her late brunch. Patting her head, he began walking toward the hall. When he heard muffled voices coming from inside the door, he turned to leave but froze in place as Jos's voice reached his ears and pierced his soul.
"I can't, Raven!" Jos's sob was muffled by the thick wood door, but the words were clear. "I have this sickening feeling in the pit of my stomach. This is it! We'll never see each other again… never be together again!"
"Stop this," Raven said soothingly, "You know better than that. This is just your nerves speaking. Russ wouldn't let that happen; you know that. He wouldn't have given you that had he planned to never see you, now would he?"
"It doesn't matter! It won't be his choice. Between the courts and his new responsibilities, I'll be in prison and he won't have time… and eventually what we had will simply fade into the oblivion." Jos's sobs increased.
"He's not going to give up on you that easily. There is no amount of responsibility that will ever keep that boy away from you." Raven's voice held conviction. "He is not those two dummies, don't hold their mistakes against him. Give him a chance to prove he's better."
Arei dug his fingers into the front of his shirt gripping the fabric roughly over his chest. Raven's words stabbed deeper leaving a more painful wound than any he'd ever received from the many battlefields he'd fought on. {Would it matter… maybe relieve some of her worry if I came in now?} He lifted his hand to the door to knock but couldn't do it Instead, he rested his head against the door, Raven's soothing words only making him feel worse as she tried to talk Jos into leaving the room to at least eat. Arei pushed away from the door and headed back to the kitchen. {The least I can do is bring her breakfast, if I'm going to be barging in on her.}
He rummaged through the refrigerator until he found the bacon, eggs, and slice of cheese and carried them over to the stove. When the wolf came over and sat down beside him, he asked. "What kind of foods would Jos eat as comfort foods?" The wolf looked thoughtful for a second, before heading over to the refrigerator and popping the door open with her snout. She retrieved something from the door and brought it over to him. Arei nodded. "Not a bad idea. You think I should still make the bacon and eggs?" The wolf nodded. She walked over to the table and jumped up on one of the chairs. She gave a light bark and nodded to the fruit bowl. He laughed, "She does like fresh orange juice, but do you think it will taste alright with the cinnamon rolls? I would have picked milk, myself." The wolf looked thoughtful for a second before nodding. "So, milk then?" She nodded again. "Alright, sounds good to me." He arched a brow playfully, "Should I make extra?" He chuckled at the wolf's excitement. "You must be feeling better. I think this is the first breakfast I've seen you eat since you got here." She nodded again. "Alright, now to figure these suckers out…" He said as he eyed the can.
Light footsteps drew his attention away from the stove. He glanced up and had to take a double take. Jos was standing in the wide entrance to the kitchen. Her tear-streaked face had been washed but the red puffiness still remained. His eyes fell to a blood stain on the white cotton of the oversized tee shirt she wore. She noticed his eyes and settled her hand nervously over the area.
"Something smells good." Jos muttered. She sent him a half-hearted smile and walked over to settle in a seat at the table. As soon as she was settled, Shelly came over and rested her head in Jos's lap.
Arei watched as Jos stroked the wolf's soft fur and murmured to her sweetly. Grease from the bacon popped bringing his attention back to the stove. He quickly pulled the pan from the eye and cut off the gas. He glanced back a Jos before pulling the cinnamon rolls from the oven. "Ouch." He yelled out as he tried to arrange the hot buns on a plate. He cleared his throat as he turned and noticed two pairs of amused eyes watching him. He set the plates on the table and rubbed the back of his neck. "I'm not much of a cook. Modern times has made it too convenient to bother keeping up with the skill."
"It looks good." Jos said, forcing a smile.
He turned back to the counter and brought over the spare plates and forks. "Here, help yourself."
Jos nodded and turned her attention back to the salivating wolf. "What will you have? Cinnamon roll? Bacon? Eggs?" She waited for the wolf to nod or shake her head after each option.
Arei chuckled, "After that chocolate steak, I'm surprised you're still this hungry… but I guess you're making up for being sick for the past several weeks." He patted her head and set down. After fixing his own plate and taking a large bite of the roll, he glanced around the table. "Oh, I forgot the drinks." He shot Shelly a glance before letting his gaze fall on Jos. "Would you guys like some milk or juice?"
Jos cleared her throat and pushed her chair out. "You cooked, the least I can do is get the drinks. Stay seated."
Arei quickly pushed his chair out, following her. "Here, at least let me grab the glasses." Jos jerked in surprise and backed into the counter as he came up behind her. "Sorry." He said running his hand through his loose hair. "I… shit! You're bleeding." He said as fresh blood stained the white fabric.
Jos's hand shot to her shoulder. "It will be ok. I'll get a bandage after I eat."
He moved toward the pantry quickly, "Here, I can get the first aid kit. I'll help you."
"NO!" Jos's words shocked even herself. Her eyes traveled nervously between Shelly and Arei. "I can get it later, it's fine. The food's getting cold." She grabbed the milk and headed back to the table, forcing an end to the awkward conversation.
Arei frowned as he walked back to the table with two glasses and a bowl. "He did that to you didn't he?" Arei asked.
"It's not what you think. You wouldn't understand." Jos whispered as she pushed her food around her plate with her fork, her appetited suddenly vanishing.
Arei nodded. "You're right, I don't understand." He set his fork down, turning his full attention to her. "I don't understand how every time you are around that kid, he either hurts you physically or emotionally or both, but you still worship the ground he walks on." Arei bit out. "It doesn't make a bit of sense to me."
Jos turned her head away, hiding the tears that began to fall. She pushed her chair back and shot up. She ran back to her room without another word.
"Shit…" Arei sighed. "Well that didn't go well, did it." He asked the wolf that was staring awkwardly between him and Jos's departing back. Arei quickly poured milk in the bowl and set it down. "Should... should I go after her or let her cool down?" He asked running his hand through his hair, his focus on the hallway. Shelly nudged his leg and nodded toward the hall. He let out a heavy sigh, "Alright..." He glanced back down at her nervously. "But what do I say?" The wolf shrugged as if to say, 'figure it out'. He frowned. "Well that's not helpful." The wolf nudged him again. "Alright, alright... I'm going."
Arei rapped lightly on the heavy oak door, before pushing it open. "Hey, is it alright if I come in?" He didn't wait for an answer as her soft sobs filled the air. Pushing the door open, he found her curled into a ball on the bed. He walked slowly over and set down on the edge. "I'm sorry, I was out of line saying that. I realize I'm causing you just as much pain questioning your judgement as he is by... whatever it is he's doing that I don't seem to be understanding." Arei bit back the irritation that his words were causing. "I'm here for you in whatever way you need me. Just... just help me understand, alright?" tear filled eyes met his as she looked up from the pillow she was holding.
Tears ran down Jos's cheeks as she blurted out, "That's the problem, I don't know what I want you to be!" Her eyes widened with shock from her own words before she buried her face back into the pillow, a new wave of sobs emerging.
Arei's heart fluttered as he considered her words. He stroked her back lightly. "It's alright Jos, just sit up here and talk to me." {It may be slightly dishonest, but it seems like right now will be the best chance to get the answers I have been waiting for... that I need!} He continued stroking her back waiting patiently for her to settle down enough to speak. "Just talk to me, Jos. Even if you think it's something I wouldn't want to hear." His words softened to an almost whisper.
Jos nodded and wiped at her eyes as she sat up. She pulled the pillow tightly against her chest as she met his gaze. "I don't know what to tell you. I love Russ and as much as I enjoy having you back in my life... you being here, like this, is equally as painful and confusing especially with all the things you've said."
Arei nodded in understanding. "I've never once tried to hide my feelings for you even when I hid nearly everything else."
She tilted her head. "But did you? Arei, you must understand, even if Russ wasn't in this equation, I would have a hard time trusting you now. I can rack back through my memories and decipher the fragments of time we spent together... half of which were one hundred percent lies. What would have happened had Ry not walked in that night? Would you have told me the whole truth? How long would you have waited?" She let out an irritated sigh as he continued to stare at her dumbfounded. "You keep questioning me about my decisions to stay with Russ when it was you who hurt me the worst."
Arei couldn't force words past his tight throat, instead, he pulled her tightly against his chest. He buried his face in her hair as he held her tightly against him until she stopped trying to push away. He felt her hands stop pushing against him and instead snake around his waist. Her tears left hot wet spots in the fabric of his shirt causing it to cling tighter to his chest. He racked his brain for a response, for any possible thing to sooth such hurt but there was nothing. He squeezed his eyes tightly shut as pressure built in them. He'd came in here to calm her down, instead, he'd only upset her more. He'd forced her to confess something that would weigh heavily on both of them from here on out, no doubt. He was about to pull her away and pour his heart out when her cell phone on the nightstand lit up and began to play a romantic melody. His body felt cold and empty as Jos quickly pulled away and answered the phone. Her voice was hoarse from crying but there was a soft, happy undertone as she began to speak.