It was about a week after I left the hospital, Beth and the guys got my things from Rhetts house, he hadnt been there since that night anyways, and helped me unpack and settle in. No one asked any questions, I just wanted to move on with life. Today was my first night back at work. It was also the first normal week in months, no more working for weeks on end with no break, I was fully embracing what was to come, I was excited for life.
"So, everybody is super excited to see you, and Angela is making it a welcome back night for you!!! Its gonna be a karaoke night too, we know you loved those!"
Beth was excited about me living with her. It was fun living with her, and the guys have been coming around too. I think she really likes Toni, which is weird, shes not the settle down type. Im okay with it, he brings Dylan most of the time. They have all been supportive since that night. I honestly couldnt ask for better.
"really? I didnt think anyone would notice I was gone" I didnt socialize much. I used to hang out with all of my bar peeps. I guess I kinda pucked Rhett over most of them. I started to get nervous. "...does everyone know what happened?"
she stood for a moment and sighed "yes...but no one is gonna ask you questions. Angela told them he hurt you, and that was that."
damn. now I was gonna be known as "that girl" maybe that was just how things were. I will now and always be "that girl"
"M..." shd said "everyone loves you, and no one blames you. We all fuck up, we are just glad you got out," she gave me a big hug to reassure me, but I wasnt so sure it would all be okay.
For the first time, I actually felt like it would be okay. Beth took me shopping, she was loosing her mind over the thought of karaoke night at the bar. "I cant wait to see you up there again!!! You deserve to have some fun!"
I was a little scared about singing again. Especially in front of everyone. I didnt have a problem doing it before Rhett, but somewhere along the lines he talked me out of singing. That was a story I wasnt ready to share with anyone yet.
"Yea, but do I really need a whole new outfit for it? ill stilll be working tonight, I just might sing a song or two.."
She snatched a dress off the rack and shoved it into me "Its a new M!!! Your grand reappearance and you HAVE to look stunning!!" (plus it helps that Im bringing dylan too) "just try it!"
she turned back to rummage through the dresses and I knew better than to question her at a mall, so I drug myself back to the changing rooms.
It was a little black dress, 'every girl needs one', pretty simple, kind of showy, oh...my ribs.
It looked good, except for the bruises on my shoulders, it showed everything. It showed the qorst of what he did to me, even though I was almost healed. I stood in the mirror, in love with the dress, but not on me. Why did I have to be this way?
No!!! This was not my fault. HE did this to me....He did..
I felt tears build in my eyes as the door swung open and Beth was holding 4 more dresses
"So if you dont like tgat one I ha..." She looked up to see the bruises on my body that the dress seemed to higlight, then she saw me, on the verge of a breakdown staring at my colored body and all I could say was "fuck Rhett..."
I broke down into full blown tears as women kept qawking to see what was happening.
Beth quickly fell to the ground with me. She gave me a hug and said "yeah, fuck Rhett." She sat with me until my fit was over, No questions or wise words. Just her comfort until I was able to pick myself up.
"I havent worn anything so cute in years B.... now I can...but I cant because HE IS STILL HERE!!!!" Every bruise I saw came with a memory of a punch he threw.
She stood back and admired the dress. "Yeah, it is gorgeous...but not enough for you." She smiled and helped me out of the little black one. "You just need something to hide whats left of him," She handed me another dress "until hes gone for good. Now try this one!!! Its the one!!! I know it!!!" she turned and left the dressing room, And I smiled. I knew it was going to be awhile before I was okay, but I didnt think dress shopping would have led to a breakdown....
I looked down at what Beth picked for me, another little black dress, but this one had the most beautiful gold designs, swirls and dots, it was short and form fitting, and was just the right shape to hide all of my dirty past.
I finished the zip and slowly turned around to see a beautiful lady in the mirror, one who looked tired, but strong. One who was so ready to get back to my normal life, one who was sure of herself. "oh yeah, I got this."
Beth loved the dress and kept bragging about how it only took us 2 hours at the mall "Im so good" she kept saying. She wasnt good, she was amazing.
The rest of the day was normal, setting on the couch eatcin junk until it was time for work.
It was a huge night for me. First night back to work and first night back on stage. Whew. its been a crazy couple of weeks.
I managed to get into the dress and I sat down so B could do my hair and makeup.
"Ya know, its probably time to cut and color this shit, M" She was curling my hair and admiring it.
"Its my black beauty, why would I mess with it?" I started laughing at my own joke-I thought it was funny.
"Girl, yea its cute and all, you have gorgeous, healthy, virgin hair. But you know what your supposed to do after a breakup?"
"what??" I was confused.
She stopped and gmgave me a serious look. "Chop it off and change your color!!! change is the best way to get ovwr things," sbe looked at my hair like she was going to chop it off.
"B, my hair is my life. Without it...." I began to look at it and I rememebered all the times I looked up to see a black ball of hair being grabbed by his hand. Ugh. "Maybe I could do something....."
Beth laughed "I got you on that too boo."
We continued to talk and talk until we were almost late, then we rushed to work as usual.
It was a busy night and my bar was packed. I had to listen to the worst of the worst sing tonight, although hollywood is known for having SOME talent.
It was almost my turn, Angela had insisted I go even though my bar was full "I miss hearing your voice" she said.
I was getting bmnervous and when I found Beth, she was at a table with toni and... and dylan. However nervous I was then, doubled when I saw him. This was my environment and my place I was never nervous about anything. But it seems I was alwaysnervous around him.
I went backstage and prepared my song. I was up next. I began pacing, hoping Beth would--
"GIRL! your up next how do you feel?!" She was bouncing with excitement.
"Nervous!!! WHY WOULD YOU INVITE DYLAN?!"
"I brought him because He wanted to see you!!" She grinned as she finished her sentence.
I felt my face burn as I blushed "but what If I suck...."
She grabbed me by my arm and got a little mean with me "You dont suck! you never have! so why would you now?!"
I sighed. This guys song was over and angela was going to announce my name. I gave Beth a scared look and said "you better hope I dont."
Stage freight was never a problem for me. From the time I was little I knew I was meant to be on stage. Why was It so hard this time? Was Dylan really making me nervous...He was so nice...why?
"Everyone!!! Welcome to Karaoke night at Lounges!!! This next, and last performer of the night is the REASON karaoke night is BACK!!! Shes my little star, and she wont let you down!!! MIRNA!!!!" angela motioned for me to walk on stage. But I couldnt move. I didnt think I could, but my legs sure did walk me across the stage, against MY will. Angela gave me a hug "You got this. have fun" and she walked away, and stood off to the side to watch, on the other side of the stage was beth. and once the music begab to play, I felt fine. I felt great, amazing, perfectly normal. I dont know what it was, but its like the other half of me took over, the half that tends to do something before she thunks.
"Standing in crowded room and I cant see your face, put your arms around me tell me everything okay,"
I felt powerful, my voice was my strength. I noticed a lot of regukars in the crowd and I kept singing along to Jess Glynne. Her voice was a strong one and I liked to match strong voices. I had 100 song choices but this one was one of the less touchy ones. The others reminded me of him.. I kept singing and eventually I broke out into dabcing. I was happy. I was me. I looked out and saw Toni, and Dylan next to him. Both of them were dancing, so was Beth and Angela. Everyone had a smile and was cheering me on.
I couldnt remember the last time I felt this much joy. Happiness, pride. Seeing everyone enjoy my singing, made any doubt I had gone. Seeing Dylan enjoy it, brought me more confidence.
Eventually the song ended and the entire bar and crowd were all cheering. It was like a dream, seeing maybe 100 people clapping for you, I heard a few people say 'ENCORE!'
Before that happened, I waved and walked off the stage. I took a deep breath and started doing a really, really beth thing to do. I started jumping, screaming, and clapping.
"ohmygod!!! ang!! sid you see me?!" Beth came around screaming "Mmiiiirrrnnnaaaa!!!!!" She practically tackled me with a huge bear hug "you werr amazinngggggg!!!" we all hugged and I cried. I felt relieved and free.
"Angela! thank you so much! We shoild keep karaoke night!" I laughed and she nodded and walked away. She was proud, but never had a lot of words to say.
Me and Beth went back to our tables, I finished serving the bar. I made double what I normally make, my performance must have helped.
I was putting up glasses when i heard "Barlady, how bout a drink?" I smiled when I heard his voice, Deep, but soft.
I turned around "Well, do you want another 'my specialty' or did you have something else in mind?" I tried to give him a flirtty smile. What? I was feeling good about myself.
He noticed my attempt to flirt and leaned over the bar, closer to me. "whatever you do, make one for yourself." He winked and passed me 100$ "keep the change" and he walked back to his table. Kepp the change? thats like another 80$ that cant be right?
I made his drinks and brought them to the table.
"Hey, you left me like 80$ and...I just wanted to make sure it wasnt a mistake?" I was giving him the money, and trying to look confused. I wasnt one to ever turn money down, but beth was the only one who gave me money like that.
"No mistake here." He winked and gmglared at me as if he was undressing me with his eyes. This look sent shivers down my spine and honestly, I liked it.
Maybe he just had a few too many and was feeling good, either way, 80 bucks is 80 bucks, and I wasnt done with my hustle yet.
"Well thanks, D...."
Here comes Beth. officially clocked out, and drunk for the night. She usually gets hammered about 30 mins before clocking out. Shes never gotten in troubke because she doesnt act stupid. She calls it "getting ready for the pre-party"
"Guys! what is the plan for all of us tonight? I want to celebrate M!!!"
Why? "why? I have to close it down tonight B... I do--"
"Honey! Ill close, go out!" Angela said. She was walking by and grabbed my shoulder.
I looked at beth and she mouthed 'thank you' to angela. The sketchy Bitch set me up...Ugh.
"B...really its my first day back in 2 weeks, I need the cash." I didnt know why I was so stressed out about going out after work.
"No, M. You dont. I have plenty to pay the bills and get you whatever you need for the next couple of days. PLEASE lets go do something!" She used her shrill voice and puppy eyes to utterly piss me off.
I rolled my eyes and huffed. "FINE. Whats the plan then captain?!" I was irritated. I just wanted to go home after work. The thought of going out was stressful to me.
She grinned at my anger "maybe we could hit up some more karaoke?! I know Dylan LOVES to sing!!!" She grinned at dylan. Poor dylan, who has been exposed by our one and only Beth, and boy he looked embarrassed.
His eyebrows were raised and he was trying to drink slowly without choking, like he didnt know what to say next. He finished the drink and cleared his throat, looking around awkwardly.
"hmm. uh...Yeah, BETH. In highschool I was in chior." Now he was giving her a certain look, one that says 'dont you dare say anything else.'
She sneered at him and took her snotty girl stance and said "Yeah? What about those college courses you took for music? Doesnt your side buisness work with music?"
"OKAY, BATH. SHUTTHEFUCKUP." He was mad now. He sighed and rubbed his eyes "fine, we can go do some karaoke."
Now I felt awkward. "Well this is awkward, im gonna go finish..." I turned and walked away from that tension. For one, I just made things even more awkward. Secondly, I dont really know what Beth was trying to get at by jerking him around like that. She was being kind of a bitch, i mean, as usual.
Angela really did want me to leave, she wouldnt even let me come behind the bar to finish up my sidework, "go." thats all she would say to me.
"love you, Ang." I gave her my apron and went back to the table, hoping thungs would be better resolved so I didnt have to listen to it. Hehe.
"Hey! so Im officially done now!" I wasnt really feeling a night of going out, but I promused myself this was a new me. Someone who wouldnt feel sorry for being myself. I always did love partying.
Dylan jumped out of his seat, his face was shaded red so he was Definatley drunk. He came over to me and said "YES! Where does my barlady want to go for the evening?" He was trying to be smooth, He was flirting with me. Lame.
"Oh well, I am starving--"
"NO NO NO!!!" Here comes Beth again. "KARAOKE! WE NEED TO DO DUETS!" Beth was a little more drunk than earlier, but not trashed. The look on Tonis face was absolutley PRICELESS when she said 'WE need to do DUETS' He looked horrified.
Me and dylan both laughed, then we had our first moment:
Mirna: "Yea, Beth is right."
Then flawlessly, he picked up on what I was doing and went along with it.
Dylan: "Drunken Duets are the BEST. Plus thats your girl... you woukdnt want to make her mad!"
Mirna: "right! you really shouldnt disagree with Dylan or you might make ME the bestfriend mad."
thus was fun. going back and forth with dylan, picking on toni.
Dylan: "Yeah, I think the girls got our hands tied, might as well just go."
He turned to me as I stumbled with what ti say next, it took me a second, but I smiled. He wluldnt have the kast word and I would win thus.
Mirna: "Beth is right, WE should do DUETS. SOUNDS FUN!!!!" I let my inner white girl out and shreiked as I reached for beths hand we ran out of the bar together. Dylans face was as horrified as Toni's face when he knew he was screwed.
Dylan and Toni faced each other with the same 'what the fuck' face.
"Man, we really could just ditch them..." Toni sounded disgusted. "I havent done shit with music since high school, man."
"Well, you can leave..." Dylan looked back as the ladies went to the car, he smiled and faced Toni again, "but Im going to see what this girl is all about."
Dylan turned to leave and said "By the way, this Beth chick digs the fuck out of you bro, maybe she could be that serious relationship you've been wanting again..."
Toni sat there and watched Dylan walk away, groaned and grabbed his keys, it was his turn to be the sober one, the dreaded DD. Nothing was worse than babysitting grown adults, besides having to babysit them while your SOBER. Toni grabbed his keys and mumbled "they cant go anywhere anyways."
Dylan met me outside and gave me a kiss on the cheek as Toni unlocled the car, "this will be interesting." as he got into the car.
Its only been two weeks since Rhett. Is that enough time? Is it okay to move on?
NO. NO. NO.
No more over thinking. I plopped down in the car, I realized they were all still waiting on me.
If I want to move on. I WILL. There is absolutley nothing connecting me to him anymore. Nothing but memories...
"B which bar has--"
"EXCUSE ME!!!!!!!!" That was me, interupting Dylan. "YOU call her BETH. B is just for me!"
We did our sassy white girl blowy kiss to him. Anither thing from middle school. We laughed with each other for a few, The guys looked irritated.
"mY bAd" dylan replied.
"Go to SiNGZ. Its made for karaoke night, but every night. youll see!" She shouted to them. Then we started doing our thing in the backseat, whispering and laughing. The occasional Instagram binge and a 'what?!' from B every five minutes. I was having fun joking with everyone. I forgot about the total dread I felt for the night. I was excited to be going out now, no drama or worrying. I can do what I want to do, I was completly free. Maybe I would get so super wasted tonight and dance on the bar, maybe ill have a hookup, maybe Ill just enjoy a couple drinks and have a chill, good time. WHO KNOWS?! The possibilities for the might are endless, and I, the new M and beyond excited to see where it leads.