Consciousness itself is a puzzling thing.
Whenever I sleep —even without any dreams, I just somehow know I'm asleep. With eyes closed, I feel myself surfacing a few inches from nothingness to a vague sense of awareness that I exist inside a body, just breathing and feeling like I'm floating over waters.
And slowly I'd sink back down, going deeper and deeper. Further away in a weightless sensation, hearing few noises around you but they're too distant to mind.
This way, it feels like I'm neither asleep nor awake.
Until I recognize the indecipherable sounds I hear from the background— birds chirping, that my first coherent thought pulls me up like a tide and drifts me to that door of light, finally surfacing. 'It's morning already.'
My eyelids slowly open, blinking few more times until I am able to perceive where I am.
And then I move my body as though it's my first time to control this earthly vessel. First my chest expands, breathing in. And then a wave of yearning to stretch comes next; from my shoulders down to my lowers limbs as if I could reach the end of my bed. Until finally, a yawn escapes from my mouth. The final incantation to completely awaken my existence back to reality.
I rubbed at my eyes and turned to my one side.
And found a guy sleeping by the edge of my bed, occupying the huge space which is left unoccupied before, just beside me. Not too close but not too far either.
I usually scream and then yell at him, or even hide under the covers but so many weeks already passed from the day I first met this guy and finding him next to me had been such a routine every
I usually scream and then yell at him, or even hide under the covers but so many weeks already passed from the day I first met this guy and finding him next to me had been such a routine every. single. morning. that I just decided to watch his sleeping face until he wakes up, makes eye contact, greets me good morning groggily and then he walks up to my windows and jump off as if it's the most normal thing to do.
He is called as Eriol. He's our current mentor for guiding us how to use magic but he's actually just few years older than us. Aeron told me he's part of the Leingod Household under the House he named Windstray, for two years now, as a vassal. He's first in his line.
Windstray... what a weird House name.
I wonder how he came up with that?
After the encounter I had with Faram, they asked me a lot of things and confirmed that the only memories I cannot recall are the ones that's connected with him— Eriol.
Honestly speaking, he's a damn good-looking guy especially if he's asleep like this, he looks so vulnerable and fragile. Of course until he wakes up that you'll realize he has this mischievous side that enjoys antagonizing you quite a bit because it's fun for him... or at least lately— he's being annoying. They say he's my good friend though and that I spent a lot of time with him along with my brother. They told me he saved my life a couple of times. But I still can't understand why Faram would take away my memories of him. Only him.
'I'm coming back for you,' that's what Faram said before he left. So if he plans take me away in the first place, why bother erasing Eriol's every trace from my mind?
I wonder...
Well, so many things happened after that party. Despite Faram telling me he'll come back, he never had yet.
Maybe because of the increase of tight security. There are lots of soldier on patrol all around the castle and even around the city below, scattered almost everywhere especially surrounding the vicinity of my bedroom. Such additional numbers of soldiers came both from Osteell and from Grantzæl.
For an independent country, our Dukedom sure has a lot of security sources— all thanks to Levi and Kain.
I focused my attention back to Eriol. I stared at his sleeping face. He's not exactly as fair skinned as Levi, he doesn't have that lashes to die for either, but his cheeks... He has dimples right about here... I think? I very gently poke his face, few inches away from the corner of his lips where I recall the burrows of his face appear when he sneers or beams.
I wonder, what is it that makes you look so compelling to stare at? I thought to myself. It isn't just the dimples but it's a ridiculously effective charm nevertheless. If only he stays as mellow as this when he's awake. Oh wait— if he becomes listless, that would seem off putting for me.
...or not.
His lips quirks in a split second.
Ah.
He's waking up.
This time his one brow crunched ever so subtly and his eyes slowly opens. Instantly, it focused at me. "Good morning..." His lazy eyes bore into mine. "Remember me yet?" he uttered with a voice just above a whisper.
I shook my head in reply.
'Why do you keep sleeping here anyway?' is what I want to ask but dares not to do so. Is it because he also wants to guard me from Faram or is it just to check if I already remember him? One way or the other it would be too awkward to ask. Even if they tell me countless times that I know him for few years now, I can't help but to still feel a bit weary and shy around him. Somehow, there's something that bothers me whenever I try to get to know him. Like a nagging feeling inside me to keep away.
Quite similar to our instinct that alerts us from something that says 'Caution! Hot surface.' And you'd either try to deliberately stay away or be curious enough to check if it really is.
Err... It's not like I'm saying he's hot.
...
And I'm not saying he isn't...
He... he just have a perfect toned and well chiseled body. He's fine. He's fine.
His sneers are attractive too...
But he usually does that if he's looking down at you or he's up to something...
...
Argh!
What the heck am I arguing myself for?
I'm getting sidetracked from my train of thoughts!
I watch him get up and stretch, with both his hands high above his head. He glanced at me one more time and then, just like the usual, he walked towards one of my windows and opened it. I can feel the chilly winds creeping in, displacing the warmth inside the room. That's when I perceived and realized how summer will be over soon and winter is fast approaching once again... time is running so fast.
I watched Eriol climb the window sill then takes off, leaving me alone in my room.
Almost at the exact same time, Darion knocks. The timing is perfect too.
What a predicament Faram left me with...
I shouldn't have anymore time brooding about these, few years from now the ceremonial summoning will take place. I need to talk to Princess Isera soon. She's the only lead I got right now.
But if she refuses to tell me what she saw and why she cried, what should I do then?
I sighed,
as Darion finally came in and proceeded to help me with my usual morning rituals.
The books that talks about the prophecy are rather confusing. They all seem one sided and written in a way that anyone would buy into them. Saying it's just because of jealousy or envy and hatred?... something is missing. I blacked out at times so it's hard to say if any of those kind of feelings would be needed as a trigger when in the first place, I feel like something inside me is already trying to control me instead.
Aeron never told me what happened back then in the dungeons. Yet he keeps returning to that place without taking me along with him lately.
He used to be so troubled if I'm left alone but now he even sneaks around just to go and leave. He even takes Lord Eriol with him instead.
He seems to have secrets of his own now too...
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'Focus, Aerra!' I told myself as I walked the corridor as I was summoned to the gardens by Papa that particular morning.
'Back to square one. What is the only thing I have now that can help me?'
Well...
The only book I have that seem interesting to read is the one Syreon gave me. It's only about the Noble bloods and Ancients but it contain difficult texts written in characters I am not familiar with. Maybe someday I would be able to read them. The writing system in this land consists of four different sets of alphabets, so far only three has been thought to me.. My parents are too busy to disturb about it. Meanwhile, when I asked about it to our governess she said the last remaining set of alphabet will be taught at the Academy where I would be attending when I'm old enough.
Quite frankly, I haven't fully mastered reading nor writing the third set of alphabet yet...
Well at least I have something to do while waiting till I turn 15 and enter that mandatory Academy we nobles have to attend to.
That or— find the Sage.
I was eight when I regained all my previous life's memories and realized all these enigmatic prophecy about the centennial or ceremonial rituals whatever they call it. It's clear I'm going to become the Fallen one though I still don't know why me and how. But aside from the beckoning dreams, black outs, and visions I'm having, it's not clear to me if something inside me will be awaken or if I will just transform as an evil person someday because of a certain situation. It has been four years ever since and up to now, I haven't progressed at all, have I?
It seems to me that traveling is the remaining option I have. To look for answers outside this sheltered life I have.
I need to re-evaluate everything after this. But first, I wonder why Papa called me out so early?
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Soldiers escort me anywhere I go in the castle. Four are in red and black uniform, Osteell Empire's own. And another four in blue and white uniforms, ones that came from Grantzæl. All equally distributed. I already reiterated that I don't need bodyguards following me everywhere but they insisted and kept saying that they're just following orders.
This is too bothersome actually.
When I reach the gardens, I saw Papa and Aeron under the shade of the gazebo. Joining them is Lady Mirel and her men. I first met Lady Mirel when we just returned to Grantzæl after the Ouboros incident. She was my personal bodyguard then. She's one of the Commanders of Grantzæl's brigades and a Marquis's only daughter from the Eastern Nation.
I hugged her the moment I reached them. She beamed at me and returned my embrace. "Long time no see, Lady Aerra!" She goes down on her one knee to level her eyes with mine. "It's so nice to see you again!" I said.
"You're quite tall for your age." She pats my head. "Are you sure you're just twelve?"
I giggled at her remark and we hugged once again.
"What brings you here today, Lady Mirel? Please don't tell me uncle sent you to look after me too? I don't need so many bodyguards!" I murmured. "I already have eight on my tail and over a hundred around the wing of my bedroom."
"Although that thought sounds tempting, I can't stay to guard you even if I direly want to. My hands are tied with the war going on up the northwestern nation. I just recently heard about what happened to you so I came here today on my own and brought him with me to stand on my stead." She stood up and gestured at a guy behind her clad in black and red. "His name is Leon. He's a combat butler, especially trained to serve and protect. He comes from a long line of butlers serving our family for generations. I trust him and his capabilities. He's one of the best."
Papa seemed so happy about this idea. He even called Darion to have Leon be oriented about the castle, my schedule, and where his quarters would be. But as Papa talked to Darion I secretly studied Leon. If I could guess right, he might be around the age between late twenty's or early thirty's.
How odd, why do I feel a strange air around him?
When he caught me looking, he walked up to me and knelt on his one knee before me. "Lady Aerrandria Leingod, we finally meet."
Papa suddenly laughed so loud that I quivered in surprise. I turned to look at him and realized he was still talking to Darion and Lady Mirel about an entirely different topic that doesn't relate to the current situation here. Leon stood up with a smile despite me not being able to respond to him so I just nodded once and manage to smile at him for a bit. His black colored eyes are squinty so when he did smile, it almost seem like he had closed his eyes shut. He has strong looking brows that seems intimidating despite his gentle looking eyes. He has reddish brown hair that is brushed all the way to the back of his head with not a single strand of hair out of place; one jade stud earring on his right ear; broad neck and a very tall stature with sturdy looking body, he really is built for the purpose of his job.
He overall appears normal looking but I can't quite put my finger on it... Something feels off.
"Ah. I almost forgot. I haven't introduced her yet, haven't I?" Lady Mirel says this to Leon, as she turns to me. "Leon, this is m'Lady Aerra Leingod. Well, it's actually Aerrandria but only call her that once she gives you permission." she looks at me meaningfully as if asking.
"Of course, I don't mind if you just call me Aerra." I replied, smiling gingerly.
"Well, Leon is a man of few words, he doesn't really like to talk needlessly. So if I don't ask that from you now, he might never do. He never even talked the entire time of our travel! Such a compliant guy" she says patting his shoulder as Leon kept his head down in respect.
Then how did he know my entire name? Lady Mirel sure vouch for him very much though.
"Speaking of travel, how was your trip, Lady Mirel?" Papa asks, I sat down to join them, deciding to brush off the unnecessary doubt. "The trip is a long way, you must be tired!"
"To be honest, we took our time on the roads, your Grace. There was a road blockage so I had my men cleared the path for us to pass. We stayed and camped overnight on the roads because of that."
"A problem on the roads?"
"Yes. Few miles outside the borders of Greenrun territory." Her brows crossed tight. She looks rather baffled. "There was an anomaly..." she paused and glanced at me and Aeron. "If you may, my grace, I would like to speak with you in private."
At Papa's signal, we all stood up and left the gardens. Leon followed Darion and walked the opposite direction while Aeron walked beside me as we went towards the direction of our study room for our morning lecture. "Anomaly on the roads? Do you think it's related to Ouboros?" I asked. Aeron's brows crunch tight, "Are you kidding me? Ouboros is long gone. If something is happening, I bet it's just Faram."
"It's been a month already though... If Faram still wants to take me, he would have come anyhow. He's strong after all. He could easily pass all the guards if he truly wants to. I learned to sense presence of people around me yet even I can't sense when he's around. He's that effective as a mercenary."
Aeron rubbed his temples. "I'm not quite sure if you're trying to make a point or just plainly admiring him. Either way it's annoying to listen so just stop."
"I'm trying to make a point. I don't think Faram will return." I glanced at the guards following after us. "On the other hand, if Ouboros has regrouped, that's another story. Uncle told me they might want to attack since they're part of underground organization."
Aeron chuckled, "That sounds a bit too stretched. Graduating from a slaver traders group and in to big time invaders? Are we talking about a huge organization here that wants to take over the entire continent like some kind of overlord conquerors from a storybook?" Aeron crossed his arms and shook his head. "They are mercenaries. Why should they care now about any affairs concerning the entire continent?"
"I don't know! Maybe they have ulterior motives? I mean why not, it might be possible! —Maybe!" I repeated throwing my hands up in defeat. "Perhaps uncle is just implicating that they are generally threats against the land."
"Everything is a threat to uncle." Aeron shrugs. "You don't have to believe everything he say just because he's King. He must've told you that so you would comprehend how grave it is to be associated with them and that we have to simply stay away."
Since when did Aeron become this 'opinionated' against uncle?
I studied Aeron and stared at his eyes. He seem adamant about his opinion. "Aeron, do you... know something?"
He blinked his eyes away, "We're facing the threat about you getting kidnapped by Faram. No Ouboros or whatsnot involved."
He prevaricated, I notice.
"I don't think kidnapping is his intention..." I stated. "Anyway, what do you know about underground organizations?" I insisted, trying to catch his eyes.
"Nothing! I'm just stating my opinion. But anyway, I'm dead sure that Faram is still lurking around to steal you away from me— I mean us... from this castle! Like... from here! To take you away from here!" he stumbled in his words as his cheeks mildly flushed. "So make sure you don't try to run away from your bodyguards."
He sweeps his eyes down and scoops my hand "But if Ouboros really regrouped... or if Faram really could easily pass through the security if he wants to like you said... Please don't go with him..." he squeezes my hand a bit. "Don't follow him, Aerra. Don't join them. You belong here with us... on my side. I promise I will protect you. I'm just... trying to sort few things first. I still need to get stronger too, for you— for both us. So please...
...don't leave me." He concluded as his eyes stared directly at me.
You're the one who's drifting away from me, is what I want to say but I don't want to sound so childish now.
I just blankly stared back at Aeron.
I can feel his hand squeezing tighter but just enough that it doesn't hurt.
"I won't." I replied, pursing my lips in a hard line.
He lit up and releases my hand as we continued to walk again.
"Oh and by the way— look!" He pulls out something he wore around his neck. He shows his necklace's pendant. It's a tiny glass vial where a small familiar looking flower is seen. "I had an alchemic-artisan make this specially to contain the desert flower you gave me. Can you believe this? He was able to make it so small to fit inside!"
"But how did you keep it alive?"
"It was part of the conjuring spell used by the artisan!" He grins. "And now I can keep this with me wherever I go! Like how you wore the anklet I gave you" he says, rubbing his nose bashfully with a finger.
I smiled at him as he then carefully tucks it back inside. "This is my lucky charm after all, better keep it close with me at all times!" he added. I just chuckled and glanced at the anklet he gave me.
"Mine has a name!" I boasted
"Err... Like naming a pet?" he cringed, looking rather confuse
"Giving it a name makes it special." I retorted. I saw his cheeks turns red in an instant.
"Dimwit... that's just silly. There's nothing special about a simple anklet." He muttered, scratching a ghost itch on the side of his cheek.
"Sky of dawn!" I held my nose up high, ignoring his remark. "That's what I call it."
He goes silent and rolled his eyes up, brooding.
"You're trying to think of a name now for that pendant, aren't you!" I said teasingly.
"W-what?! No! O-of course not! Naming it is just silly and childish and—!"
"And it becomes special to you even if it's not..." I supplied, holding back a smirk.
"W-w-w-what are you talking about!?! T-THIS IS VERY-VERY SPECIAL TO ME!!!" He declared in great protest but consequently slapping a hand to cover his mouth, obviously flustered to say that aloud.
I chuckled, "I'm glad to hear that, thank you!"
He sighed in defeat. "Dimwit..." he turns his head away. "I'll think of a name for this... You'll be surprise how cool it will be called that people would want to have one too!"
"I'll look forward in hearing it then. Good luck!"
He just nodded meekly, still avoiding my eyes.
I'm so glad he still has that.
Hmm.
If I remember it right, I was able to get two of those though...
Our walk went on until we reach the third floor air corridors that should lead towards our study room for our morning lectures. I can feel the calm breeze, amidst chilly, gusting by and leaving a languid ambiance despite countless soldiers standing around. Winter is almost upon us. Soon the land will turn white again and...
And...
I was left gazing at the pale white sky above us and hazily remembered a time where I stared at it while I intentionally tossed myself over the cliff and I... remembered how the cold winter winds was blowing pass me... as I was free falling... until mists covered my view of everything.... and then someone called my name... I think it was —Mama?
That was in... Grantzæl castle.
Huh—?
Strange.
When exactly did that happen?
A dream?
Hhhh —achoo!
I sneezed out suddenly.
"You're cold? You should wear something thicker." Aeron grumbles, taking his scarf off and walks in front of me to wrap it around my neck snuggly. "That should keep you warm a bit!" He says reaching to pat my head but ruffles my hair instead.
"Thank you" I replied. He walks beside me once again and set his eyes ahead, impassively.
I watch Aeron at the corner of my eyes as he seem in content with himself, trying his best not to show his subtle shivering breaths.
I want to tell him my secret but I can't drag him in my own problems thoughtlessly. I can't tell him everything yet because if he really becomes the chosen Familiar for the centennial Priestess, it would complicate things for him. Knowing Aeron, he would surely be torn apart between protecting me and doing the right thing. I can't be that selfish.
Sometimes, I wish I have someone to confide with.
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