Chapter 8: The Return
I can see the clouds floating pass from the high windows where red satin curtains drapes down just an inch away from the glossy parquet flooring. They are carefully pulled to the sides just enough to let lighting fill the room.
We are all inside the mother airship where Levi stayed. The destination is heading towards Grantzæl City.
We're heading back, finally.
Food and drinks were served lavishly on the table which is covered in white cloth made from the finest silk. A gold chandelier provided soft lighting despite being in mid daylight. Every seat was padded with soft cushioning and the plates and cutlery were all looking expensive. Even the dishes were neatly presented, too fine to touch and eat.
But it all looks alienating now.
Neither did it looked appetizing for me.
The children huddled around me. Eyeing me every now and then. I can see their eyes glisten at the feast before them, mouth almost watering out while they lick their lips which were all parted open but I reckon the hesitation they have. As if it's all too good to be served for them. They ponder innocently if they are worthy for touching anything at all. The fear of making a mistake has been imprinted on them like an instinct that grew inside their weak minds.
These are all the result of being held captive by Ouboros.
Stray walks forward, the three year old child being held on his one arm as he got down to one knee before me to meet the eye level of the children who hid behind the safety of my shadow. "We are safe now. And all these men won't hurt you guys. They're here to protect you and make sure to return you all to your parents." he assured, reaching to tousle the hair of one of the kids, "And these foods are their present for each and everyone of you for being brave. Understand?"
They all nodded.
"Now, come on. We need to finish all these food before it goes cold." He stood up smiling warmly at them.
One girl shyly sticks closer to my side, "But Nora.... she will be hungry if she wakes up. We need to leave some for her."
Like a trigger, my eyes began to pool tears.
I just assume someone told her death is like sleeping. This little one is only four after all.
I turned about and studied all of them one by one. The youngest, three years old is carried by Stray as the others ranged from ages four to six. I wonder how these all look like inside their little minds. And how deep their understanding are about death and other grave matters that happened around them. They spent longer time in Ouboros than I did.
I sat down my heels and touched the face of the girl who spoke, "I do think Nora would want you guys to eat first." I said in a soft and low voice. "Food is not a problem anymore, so don't worry about it. We can all ask for food anytime we want if ever we want more. Same goes for her."
"She can ask food anytime she wants one as well?" Her sweet tiny voice hits me with how it sounds ambiguous in my ears.
I nodded my head. Holding the tears tightly within me. "Yes, whenever she wants. Because she will never go hungry any longer."
"Okay." she says in a careful smile. "It's okay to eat everything then?" Her eyes now gazing over the feast, scanning all the dishes with her eyes.
"Everything!" I said as I looked at every child while they all gasped, their eyes sparked in delight. I stood back up and faced Stray. He smiles at me playfully, "You're becoming better in handling the young ones. Perfect for a mother role someday ei?" He says in a joking manner, obviously trying to dispel the sullen atmosphere.
"I'm only ten years old. What are you saying?" I retorted as he just laughed. "I was just kidding. You're fiancé is here now after all, so..." His head jerks towards the doorway. I followed the direction and turned my head and saw Levi just standing beside Aeron, they are exchanging small talks.
I still can't believe we're going home now.
I took a deep breath and just watch the children take each of their own seats by the table while Stray follows behind them, making sure each of them are well attended.
He brings the three year old in his arm down next to the six year old one who was gesturing at him. She insists to feed the younger child. Stray obliged and then sat next to them in his usual carefree attitude while assisting her.
Still attentive as ever.
I'm sure he feels sad about the loss of Nora as well but admirably, he puts on a cheerful facade for all of us, especially the kids. It will be unfair if I keep sulking despite his efforts. After all, he had spent longer time with Nora than I did. It would be conceited of me to act as if I'm the only one hurt.
So I took a deep breath and held my head up high. I hope I don't look too depressing.
"Lady Aerra, you should go ahead and eat as well," says Levi as he walks up to me with Aeron. "You too, Lord Aeron." he added. "I still need to make sure they all prepare the rooms well for all of you."
He never bothered to ask what happened 'yet' and I'm grateful for that. I doubt I'm ready to tell the tales yet anyway. "Thank you, Lord Levi." I said in a bow. He just watches me with his usual gaze as if studying me.
His eyes tell me he's holding back himself. I sense warmth in them amidst the careful sentiment dwelling in it as if he wants to embrace me but dares not to do so for his own personal reasons. He's my friend as well, I would be stupid if ignore the fact that he missed us and had been worried all these time.
"I will return later. Please help yourselves. And don't hesitate to ask if you need more." he says at us and then nods at the guardsmen and maids that stood by idly in silence. He walks out the room later on. He behaves all reserved as usual. It takes me back at how I did first met him. But he looks more mature now. I wonder how he has been, but chatting and catching up will have to go later— and he knows that.
Aeron takes my hand and drags me gently along with him. "I don't want to hear any excuses. You will eat, you hear me?" he says in a flat tone, showing dominance. I just went along and sat down to the chair he pulled out for me.
I honestly don't feel like eating but I don't want to spoil this feast for the others so I put my best smile on and hope it assured them.
Aeron did the same.
This will do for now, I told myself.
Stuffing my face with one spoonful to another. Nora would have commended these foods if she's here. I chewed my sadness off with comfort food. I stared at my plate, shoving food into my mouth one after another. I could almost hear Nora's voice laughing at me for being a glutton again. She would have to ask me to slow down if she's here. She's the true mother figure to all of us after all.
"Aerra...!" Aeron suddenly grabs my wrist even before my food-filled spoon reaches my mouth. I look at him and realized he was staring at me worriedly, I look up around the table and realized everybody was staring at me as well.
My cheeks were bulging out, fully stuffed with food, I dropped my cutleries and realized I was uncharacteristically devouring everything in gluttony while tears had already been escaping from the corner of my eyes.
I chewed faster and swallowed. Grabbing my cup as Aeron releases his grip. I took one big gulped and grinned at them, I wiped the corner of my eyes nonchalantly as I laughed. "I didn't realize I was this hungry, wow!" I laughed harder.
But my vision of them were slowly blurring as my eyes began to pool with tears again. "These foods are amazing, right?" I said in a cheer as I quickly bowed my head down so to avoid them seeing my eyes. "Wow, these are delicious huh?" I said, laughing. While I went scooping with my spoon and then shoves it in down my throat in one bite.
I cursed under my breath. I can't stop my own tears. What's wrong with me?
I can't even see my own plate anymore. Everything looks distorted from the water works I have.
I can feel they are all still watching me, so I bowed my head lower and lower to hide my face.
"Hahah, this is weird. My eyes are tearing up. I think I ate something spicy? So odd!" I tried to laugh more but my voice was too shaky.
Who am I fooling really?
It's no use.
I took both my hands to my lap and made a fist, grasping on the skirt of my dress.
All my tears dripped down on the back of my hand as I stared at them. I lowered my head more, as if to lay my forehead down on the table. I held on to my sobs. Wishing my tears to stop now.
I hear a chair being moved and a footstep walking towards me.
"I'm sorry!" I blurted out. "I'm doing my best to stop my tears now, okay?!"
He grunted, "Who told you anyway to hold them in?" Suddenly I was taken up off my seat, being carried between my arms as he hovers me high in midair. I ended up staring at his deep purple eyes. "Let's get you some fresh air for that spicy thing you ate before you hog all the food." He says as he places me up to sit over his shoulders. "Aeron, watch the other kids for me will ya'?"
And with that he began to ran out the room.
"Stooop! Straaaay!!!" I yelled as he went running faster across the hallways. "I'm gonna fall! Stooop!!!" I grabbed onto his head as he even went faster. Turning to one corner to another. "This is fun!" He laughed, as everybody who we passed by was left stupefied as he scampered across one hallway to another. Until finally he leaps out from the forecastle-deck where open air resides. He balances me in place before jumping down the main deck. "Hold on!" he yelled out, "No, get me down!" I retorted as strong air blasted at us while he began climbing the shrouds of the Main Mast and then he suddenly leaps up shooting high above the ground. My voice shrieked out from that ticklish gravitational feeling as we flew up higher and faster towards the top of the sail of the Main Mast and finally landing to the crow's nest, the highest point of the ship where we could see everything down and the rest of the other fleet.
I felt terrified at the height at first, frozen solid to my feet, but then he pats my head and spoke, "Take it all in: the fresh air and the view. Isn't it all great?"
I took a look around the second time and realized how beautiful the scene really was. It was like soaring on heaven's gate, not that I have tried but the feeling of flying with the fluffy white clouds surrounding me as if I could touch them was so surreal it was overwhelming as it was exhilarating.
The rush and horror he made me go through was worth it. I honestly thought I would fall off from how fast he was going and how embarrassing it was for me but with all I'm seeing now... I think I'll forgive him— later.
"She didn't do it to make you feel miserable, you know." he says, leaning on the railings. "She did it so we can all be free. Not just for selfish thought like revenge. Nora's not like that."
"I know" I replied curtly.
"She would want you to be happy more than ever now that Ouboros is gone. Not stuck with self blaming and depression."
"I know." my voice shaking.
"She would have done the same thing regardless of the outcome or who made the plan. Not only to assure Cerguz is dead but I think she also just didn't want to leave the place where her sister died. She longed to be with her ever since. So in the end— It's... her decision. Not any of yours or ours to make or any other what ifs you're trying to debate yourself with."
"I know" I replied again.
I bit my lips this time.
"So now... with the wind this strong and how high we are, no one will hear or see you," He says patting my head gently like petting a dog but his eyes was set on to the scene ahead. "So go ahead and stop holding it in. It's more painful that way. It's okay to release it all now, Aerra."
Like a trigger, my eyes began to water hearing him.
He reaches to me and pulled me close while rubbing small at my back.
I lost all control after that.
I cried it all out like I never cried before.
All the congested feeling I had in my throat that I held onto back there was finally released.
Screaming my lungs out as I clutch at my tight chest; I have never cried like this before.
All the pent up loneliness that wells up exploded as if I have collected them on my own. All the self blame and hatred I directed to myself that I tried to set aside while I was trying my best to put on my best facade in front of the children collapsed and imploded at the same time.
She was the only person I opened up to. Even if it has only been weeks time compared to what Stray had with her, it's painful for me to lose my only bestfriend. Especially when I know I could have saved her.
But—
I promise myself at this point, this will be the last time I will cry.
After this, I need to move on.
She would want it that way too.
Today I lost my best friend.
But we gained our freedom in exchange.