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• —Levi's POV— •
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It has always been frustrating.
People has always something to say.
Whatever you do, whatever you say, you can never pacify such people because all they know is the exterior.
They will judge you only from what they see or how they want to see and that is how it will ever be for everyone who is outside this little iron box I call life.
Osteell castle is a huge and vast fortress with thick walls and iron bearings. It has eight Households under House Morlock's protection. That means eight families that lives with us. And in a place like this, walls have eyes and ears. Everything you do has a comment. Everything you say has a consequence.
But what irks me the most is when they do it to the people I care about.
They all believe my stepfather is inconsiderate to me and to my brother. They say I'm unlucky.
Oh and they never forget a day to remind me that.
They think that all Lord Hansem ever care about is the Osteell Empire and that we, his children, are part of the service that must abide in its rules. No body see how kind he really is. No body even considered that what he does for me and for my brother is for our own sake and not for anything else. I want to tell them off but Hansem told me to tolerate it. And for that I close my eyes to such things and tried my best to never express my real emotions out of my face and focus my energy to what I can manipulate instead.
When Syreon's health deteriorated and he eventually lost his capability to walk, I saw how Hansem cried for his son. He didn't have the heart to push Syreon on to become the next Castellan as it would cost so much that Syreon's condition might worsen.
Leading the great and proud nation of Osteell means you will be dealing with lots of hard people as well as hard decisions. The tons of work that needs to be done never ceased as Osteell keeps growing and growing every year. It's a dynamic land of progress that never sleeps; innovations and business keeps running. And for that, it's a land of opportunity that you must cope up with if you don't want to be left behind. What more if you're the one who runs it?
Hansem knew that if he is to pend the successor title, more complications will brew. Greed will assure conflict and politics will assume dispute. He looked at me and told me that it has to be me and from there forth I was given a strict upbringing.
I never wanted it. But I cannot blame Hansem.
After all, being introduced in this great House means everything to me. It's an honor as it is a responsibility that I must bare.
But why can't anybody see that? Why can't anybody see how kind my parents are for giving me this opportunity? And how lucky I am.
They are labelled as harsh for pushing it on me when I see it as a form of consideration— no, solicitude and acceptance rather, especially to me who is not related by blood .
A title that assumes power over a land from which I was not even supposed to touch...
He was entrusted by the High King to rule over this nation and yet he openly gives such position to me despite being an adopted son.
Lord Hansem is the kindest and greatest father worthy of respect, for me.
It's frustrating to stand and listen to such hearsay and yet I must not do anything about it otherwise I risk making it worse— because whatever one does, people who doesn't understand has always something to say. It's useless.
Syreon, who I expected to have resentment on me never showed the slightest of hint. All he did was to support me more and more. He assured that I was never alone in these ordeals and that he keeps blaming himself for 'ruining my childhood' as he calls it. To the eyes of the people he is a fool, a martyr, a weak frail boy who cannot stand for his own birthrights. But that's not him at all. He was never materialistic nor did he ever took interest in power and position. He's a brother who is worth everything to me and kept me on my feet when I almost had given up. He's selfless to a fault but I admire his bravery and kindness.
No body sees that but me.
All I have to do now is to become more reliable and independent so that perhaps one day no body will bother to judge my family for what they pushed unto me and only see me as a product of perfection. Maybe then they will be commended for my upbringing so I need to do my best.
I am not unlucky, if anything else— I consider myself as the luckiest to have such family.
It's the most obvious fact no body in this world understands. No body.
The day of finally announcing my successor title finally came.
And though I know I have prepared myself for it. I cannot help but to dread. I, who will stand out there will represent the hard work of my family. I will become the finished product that they must see to prove how amazing my family really is. I wanted to make them proud. I want to be stronger than I am and face them with dignity. Show them all what Hansem and Syreon had created. I wanted them to see me as I am, a young boy who will keeps growing to the best of my capabilities and can become the best Castellan in history.
I want to hear anyone say that...
But that morning my nerves are taking over me. As time drew closer, my mind is going blank. This isn't the boy Hansem raised. I must become more expressionless so that no body would see through me. No body can leech into my mind. I need to gather myself. I must become impregnable. But I'm so nervous that the walls I have built, this image, would collapse. I wish I could confide into anybody but no person exist. What should I do now? I'm panicking and yet trying to calm myself down seems impossible.
Huh? Isn't that my brother's little bride?
Now that I think about it,
I did had a talk with my brother earlier this morning. He told me how fond he is of this little girl. 'If you try to listen, you'll be surprised how interesting she is.' He says. Though I still feel he's trying to offer his engagement with her to me.
"Are you attending, Lady Aerra?" I asked her to cut the silence between us.
Her big bright crystalline blue eyes blinked and watches me.
Does she want to talk to me? I hope not.
Not now—
"Care to join me?" I asked nevertheless. She seemed frozen in place for a moment. And then later she snaps out of it and she started to walk funny towards me.
I watch as her long white tousled hair flows unruly against her tiny body as she trotted her way towards where I sat. Some strands covered her cheeks yet she didn't mind them. I heard she's matured for her age. It doesn't seem like so to me. But true enough, her features distinguishes her from the rest— a genuinely pure noble blood.
Perhaps she possess great power like the High King... I wonder.
She sat at the other end of the bench in silence and so I tried to focus once again to my own matters.
Just a few minutes from now, the party is going to begin. I think I'm calm enough. Okay. I think I can do this now.
"You're lucky with your family."
She spoke with her soft tiny voice. I looked at her abruptly.
Did I heard that right?
"Ahh! Not that I'm implicating my family is boorish." She shook her head vigorously, she then looks at her hands than formed into fist on her lap, grasping her skirt tightly while she timidly smiled. "It's just that— I think you have an amazing parents and a very selfless brother who always think of you."
My mind went blank literally ...in surprise.
This is...
—the first time I have ever heard anyone
at all
...say such thing.
I watched her intently as she seems calm and confident in her own statements.
"Lucky?" I asked, "You think so?"
She seemed surprised that I replied. She nodded her head vigorously, flustered. "Yes I do! I mean, your father is very kind. He may look intimidating at first, but the way he is from all I heard so far: he's a respectable and trustworthy man, and a considerate father. He wanted everyone to see you the way he sees you. If I'm not mistaken that is called being proud, don't you agree?" She turns to me and smiled. Now I see the matured side Syreon is talking about. The wind blew softly as she combs her hair down while she went on explaining, "You might already now that but I might as well point that out as my bias observation. And for Syreon, well I think he's too selfless to a fault. And yet he's amazing— for that I respect him. He is kind and understanding –with his current state everybody might even think he's harmless. But he's the bravest and most calculating man I have ever met so far. He rather make enemies than let anybody trample over your hard work and—"
Yes, it is the most obvious thing in this world! But only she managed to notice and say those things with so much sincerity with those big pair of innocent eyes that reflects like the ocean.
"Oh sorry... I'm talking too much."
I shook my head, "I don't mind."
I'm so happy to realize someone understands– that I almost smiled.
I became defenceless the moment I heard her talk.
But I want to hear more, what's wrong with me?
"And me? What do you think about me?" I asked her, earnestly waiting for her answer.
"You—?" She stretches her lips in a thin line, nonchalantly. She rolls her eyes up for a moment as if in a deep trance.
Will she commend me like everybody else? Will she point out obvious facts that I have heard countless times already?
How curious.
...suddenly, she turned to me and pumped one fist up and pointed a finger on me, "You're full of flaws! You really should learn to accept that everybody is fallible. You may be brilliant and exceptional with everything you do but you need to learn to ask for help when you really need one other wise you are bound to fail. Nobody is perfect. Even machinery's are not perfect so why are you trying too much? Isn't it tiring?"
Ah.
This girl—
....
The first person who understands....
...From outside the little iron box.
I turned my head and looked the other way. I can feel my cheeks flushing.
What the heck is wrong with me?
What is this?
My heart is drumming so fast but it's different from before.
I can't define it as nervous— so what is this static and overwhelming feeling???
This is the first time I have ever felt anything like this...
I need to reply. I need to say something— anything. I can't embarrass myself now. I have maintained an image but why can this little girl easily breach through it without even trying?
"I see... You're right" I manage to say without stumbling in my own words.
"I am???"
I took a deep breath and gathered my scattered thoughts.
Relax, Levi. She's just a little girl. She's just...
"Thank you for being tactless, I do appreciate it"
"I prefer frank, but you're welcome." She retorted.
I wonder what's the difference?
"If you need help I bet asking Syreon first will delight him."
Syreon? I can't do that. If Syreon finds out I'm troubled by something, he'll be more troubled. I can't impose anymore.
"And right now... If I need help with something I can't ask from anybody else, what do you suggest I do?"
I turned to her as she cocks her head to the side. And then raised her hands and did a couple of stuff with it. I watched her as she explained what it does and how much it helps.
It seemed childish but she said it so... I nodded, "Okay."
"I know it sounds silly but it's effective. It's nothing magical, I know that. But whenever I do this, I get reminded that being strong is something that dwells inside me. It's a choice to be strong but that choice is almost always forgotten."
She's right.
It is a choice to be strong but I've always been trying my best to stay strong.
Perhaps right now, all I need is to maintain it.
I feel so much calmer now.
I need to do this and show them I am worthy in my claims as the successor.
"Thank you, you really are interesting like Syreon said."
But when the time came and I had to stand up against all the watching eyes.
I lost to myself after hearing their arguments.
What do I need to do now? They have a point.
Should I argue with them? Or maintain my silence like how Hansem told me.
What should I do?
What is the right thing to do?
Hansem nor Syreon must not interfere or else they will be deemed as bias.
But who shall I ask help from?
Calm down, Levi. Calm down.
I'm such a failure. I'm being a disappointment to my family now. I can't calm down anymore. I wish it would all stop.
I wish I can become stronger now— stronger beyond I could be!
Please.... make it all stop
Please—
anybody....
Please...!?
.
.
.
"I hear you"
White hair strands...
Big crystalline blue eyes...
—gazing directly at me and as a small warm hand touched mine as she stood in front of me as if to cover me from all the malice they are throwing.
She stood up for me, a tiny young girl who was younger than I am. Smaller than I am. Stood up for me when no body else could.
She handled herself better than I did. What an amazing person she is.
The way she presented me— how I never thought anybody really sees me like that, as if she has been watching all along for all those years.
As if she understood and hears my thoughts.
As if she sees me thoroughly and exposes that for everyone else to understand.
How is that even possible that someone like her, with that particular age, exist?
I am so proud of her and yet she's not even mine.
"...He'll become the best Castellan in the history of Osteell, I believe it so!"
She concluded and with that everybody understood her. –Understood me.
She just said the phrase that I had long been dreaming to hear someday.
She said it with utmost sincerity and conviction.
And declared it to all.
...
Even if we just met yesterday....
Lady Aerra...
I want her by my side
Only her.
It has to be her—
It's the first time I ever wanted something so bad more than anything, just for myself.
Not for the sake of my family
Not even for Osteell.
Just as a selfish request.
I finally know what I want
So I decided,
...as she was asked to introduce herself, I stepped up and pulled her close to me.
"This young lady you speak of is Lady Aerra Leingod of Greenrun"
It's your loss now, Syreon.
And I'm sorry but I want her to be mine.
"She is my future wife."
——End of EXTRA Chapter 3.5——