'Ooooh… Where is this?
Why is it so dark? I can't open my eyes!?
It feels warm! What is this fluid I am breathing?
UOOOOO!!! Could this be the legendary reincarnation?
My karma points must have been through the roof that the gods allow me to be reborn with my memories!
My excitement over this new life was suddenly dampened by the fact that I am now stuck in the baby oven for an unknown amount of time… '
"!*&$(*&#%*%(*&!@$%?"
")#$)#&*#%^!!)!)#^($(#)*)(*@!#!!!"
I could clearly hear a woman talking to someone else in a language I couldn't understand but she definitely sounds very excited.
Life inside the oven is goes very fast when I am only awake for a short period of time once in a while and soon enough I could feel myself being squeezed out like a lemon.
Excitement filled me as I could finally start my life in this world, only to feel pain in my ass soon after…
* PIAK PIAK PIAK PIAK PIAK*
The midwife must have panicked hard when she didn't hear the baby's cry when it came out and hit harder.
*PIAK PIAK PIAK*
*WAAAAAAAAA*
Two years later in a courtyard in a town somewhere~
As a custom for a reincarnator, I figured that I should do my due and look for my golden finger/cheat/system/spiritgrandfather but I receive no such thing and therefore my wealth of knowledge from all those webnovels no longer applies!
SHIT!
Although disappointing I believe that I have other sources of knowledge to draw from but
Life as a newborn in a reincarnated world is difficult.
Whoever wrote about babies moving around and reading before a year old is a scammer! Scumbag scammers! Learning language is a nightmare! Rudeux you scumbag!
It took me well past my third year to get past baby babble and finally be able to speak with my family members. I was 5 years old when I finally understand the kind of world I have lived my parents thought I was an idiot.
It was a world filled with might and magic and everything in between. Cultivation, body building, magic spells, wondrous beasts, miraculous nature, you name it they have it!
Although the cultural era appears to be something similar to ancient bronze age on earth I could barely held my lofty dreams of flying amidst the cloud and tall mountains and pose like some mighty cultivator in those novels.
Giggling to myself I imagine being one of those sagely characters or maybe one with harem and crystal palace? Ohohohohohoho!
*Smack*
"Stop that disgusting giggle"
One tight slap to my big forehead by my elder sister woke me from my reverie as she eyed me suspiciously.
"What did you eat in secret this time?"
*Smack*
"If you get any fatter I am going to put you on diet!"
Born in a middle class family in a modest town, the Ju family hasn't much talent but their descendants are handsome or beautiful. Mr and Mrs Ju themselves are definitely top 10 most handsome and beautiful in town during their youth, the eldest son Ju Di is tall and handsome just as the eldest daughter Ju Bu fair and beautiful although both haven't much gold to their name. The only oddity that almost split the family is the average looking Ju Wang. Father Ju almost thought that he had become a cuckold if not for the familiar hazel colored eyes.
Although Liupui town is a relatively big compared to the villages around, it is nowhere as rich as the only city in the province. Other than hearsay and stories from the balding uncles in the neighborhood, no cultivation related resources has made its way to the town. Small, safe and tuckered far away from the dangerous and barbaric wild lands, no town nor villages has neither need nor yearning for greater strength.
With no way to even take a step towards Ju Wang's lofty dreams and no desire to bath in the mud with stupid kids, his best entertainment turn into eating delicious food to foster his so claimed "foundation" for his first step.
10 years later
"Ju Wang, come... We must talk"
"Ooh hang on, I'm almost done bbqing this chicken wing"
Father Ju looked at the glistening fat rolling off the chicken wings as he made up his mind.
*Ssssspppp*
*Gulp*
'After this chicken wing, I must steel my mind and make my decision! For the peace of this Ju home! This father must kick this Pig God out for good!!'
"This fire is what I burn, the spicy wing is what I cook! Pay up if you want to smell it"
Only to be kicked out of the house soon after. In order to become a great foodie of this era, according to Father Ju, I had almost eat the house down to the ground.
With a small pack of my belongings and a recommendation letter to enlist in the army I could only sniffle sadly at the closed door to the house.
"I... I didn't even get to eat that crispy BBQ wing! I saved the best part for the last T_T"
Nowhere to stay and filled with concerns for my personal safety, I made my way to the town's market to see if any caravan is heading to Liubo city. Greeting some of the familiar farmers asking around in the market, I was made to realize how much a dumbass and coward I was, even a children dared to walk their way to the city by themselves, let alone an adult like me.
"Go to the north gate and follow the road you half-wit use some of that head to think instead of eating all the time"
Miffed at those uncalled admonishments I made my way out of town and follow the small dusty road to hopefully reach the city before dark.
*Huff Huff*
"What is this road? It's almost dark and the city is nowhere in sight!"
Amidst the quiet road I could hear the bird tweets but along the way I have not met with any other travelers at all, if it's any consolation the occasional stream allow me to slake my thirst and fill up my water bag as I offer my praises to her foresight.
"Praise the mother! It is almost dark now, I find my dinner"
*rustle rustle*
a Pheasant poked its head around the bushes before jumping in surprise seeing me.
"Praise the winnar! Chicken dinnar incoming!"
Spending a little time to bola trap the wild pheasant, I caught it, broke its neck and promptly set to prepping it up for cooking. Choosing a big tree with a big hollow in it as my place to rest, I set up a pit to cook this plump bird.
A handful of freshherb, another handful of wild sweet fruit stuffed inside, sprinkles of salt under the skin... This stuffed pheasant is looking to be quite a heavenly dinner!
*Crackle*
The sound of great oily fat dropping onto the burning pit only serves to make me feel hungrier!
All of sudden the sound of nature seems to slowly ceasing to exist, the closer it is to the BBQ pheasant to be done the more quiet the surrounding. Ju Wang who was giving his all at the BBQ pit did not hear the weird low hum that seems to be sucking everything around the tree in!
The subtle hum eventually turn into a commotion when the pheasant on the pit flew into the sky before getting sucked into the hole underneath the big tree.
"What the bird!? How can a cooked meat fly!!!"
Ju Wang was shocked before he realize that whatever sucked that bird in seems to also pull him in towards the hole!
"HELL NO!! NO NO NO NO NO"
In Ju Wang's throes of defiance could be heard he put all his efforts to get away from tree.
Alas no amount of his meager strength could help Ju Wang get out of his predicament as he's slowly but surely getting pulled into the hole like a fish on a chopping block. Before long, a loud pop could be heard before the forest return itself to tranquility, the area around the big trees clean of any debris, dead leaves, burnt wood, chicken dinner, human and all.