"I am home…" I said slowly as I closed the door behind me. I took off my shoes and dragged my feet towards my bed. Throwing myself onto my bed, I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. I let my body weakened by the pain haunted in my chest.
What is this strange feeling?
I was sure I was fine at campus, surrounded by people. No, not really fine, but it was enough to make me ignore the pain in my chest. But, after that, surrounded by cold and darkness, the pain came back with triple force, leaving me breathless and pathetic.
But, no tears came out. It's a dry sorrow and I choked on it. I didn't have the strength to get up. As much as it pained me, I just wanted to be drowned in this misery. How pathetic I sounded, I knew. But, I didn't care for now. I was still a human. I could feel the upside and down of this life. But, since when did I feel like this?
My mind traced back my life from the time I could remember. I was sure my life was pretty much normal. There's no abnormal activity around me.
But, why do I feel like this? What is this strange feeling in my stomach? It weakened me. It was as if it sucked my breath, fed on my life essence.
Is that too much? I should have laughed right now because of my cheesy thought. But, I didn't have much strength to laugh on my silly thought. That's how messed up I thought I was.
I passed day by day feeling the same thing. Of course, I was happy when I was around Senior Rizal. I couldn't count how many times we have kissed. I couldn't count how many times I smiled around him. Yes, I was happy with him, but I still felt like there was something off with me.
Every day felt the same for me.
Two months had passed. I still felt the same. My relationship with Senior Rizal was more than fine. He even introduced me to his family. I was nervous, of course. But, I gave my best. His family seemed nice, but I could feel something wrong with how they treated me. Maybe I just felt insecure because that was the first time I was introduced to my boyfriend's family. But, still, I felt something was off with me. The strange feeling was still there in my stomach. I tried to ignore it every time I consciously felt it was there. But, it never worked.
"I'm home…" I said slowly. I couldn't count how many times I had said these same words, but this time, I realized I've been saying this to no one. As the door closed behind me, I stunned in the dark. The strange feeling came back full force.
Emptiness. Silence. It hit me hard.
My eyes scanned the room, searching. But, I couldn't find what I was searching. I got up on my bed and hid under my blanket. I felt like crying. It hurt so much in my chest. I was like something pressed deep inside it. This stifling emotion was really unbearable. I missed someone, I wanted to meet someone, but I didn't know who.
Cold breeze blew on my spine and I turned around instinctively. "Tom?" I called unconsciously. But, no one was there. And, that's the time when I realized who I missed. All memories came back in my mind. How could I forget him?!
My tears were running down my face and I kept enchanting his name, asking him to come back until I tired myself out and fell asleep.
I miss you, Tom.
...
"I'm home…" A familiar voice called as the door opened. The owner of the voice came inside my room with a wide smile on his face.