ArinzeArimah

United Kingdom

Hey I am just an ******* this my 1st novel thank you for the feed back tbh when I started writing I did not know how to start 

If Alonso is the MC, then is he speaking in the very beginning when the story is in first person before changing to third person? Even if he us or isn’t, stick to either first or third person. If first person is used, make sure that whoever is narrating is clear. 

esperando mas capitulos. 5 estrellas para el capitulo 1, me gusto, esta bueno para ser una novela nueva, suerte y no abandones

los africanos no son una raza son una hetnia 

read my book read my book read my book read my book read my book read my book read my book read my book read my book 
i gave myself a 5/5 because i can

Really like how wonderfully detailed your story is! The development so far seems to go in a good directions, and I am really excited for more!

However, maybe working a little bit on making the sentences more fluid with each other would definitely improve the overall quality.

You do have a rich vocabulary, and I belive that is a strong point to always remember using.

Overall, this is great! Keep it up! :)

The author has a rich vocabulary as evidence by his sentence variation. 

Would suggest improving readability as there are quite a number of long sentences in the recent chapters.

All the best!

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Great great story...love the way the author clearly chose his vocabulary and the sci-fic combo is just lit....I read this one over and over again...waiting for more of your amazing stories💯♥️👌

Another hidden gem 💎 of webnovel, with some polishing it'll shine. Great story, great potential. Hope to read more. Love the combo of sci-fi and magic looking forward to further development.

I’m going to be extremely honest. As much as I love dungeons and all sorts of fantasy elements, I wasn’t so keen on reading all the dungeon battling. It felt a little lengthy. However, you had a lot of good details on characters’ actions and gave clear info on the world (building).

The characters are described physically well, but in order to connect to the audience more, details on how they feel and think more in situations would give insight on their personality.

The last suggestion would be to brush up on punctuation rules. There was a lot of run on sentences that needed commas. Also, “i” was not capitalized as well as other words. Lack of capitalizing stands out too much in writing, so once this is fixed, your writing will immediately be more professional.

6 n no system were is the system??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

hola, espero que continue la novela y pueda el escritor logar muchos capitulos, es un poco sencilla pero creo que tiene futuro. ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

dropped ph oh

Table of contents

Volume 1

Chapter 1 - .