I wondered from when did it all began.
I tried to recall but I couldn't seem to come up with anything. What I remembered the most was the moment I happen to caught sight of it. Then the rest were endless struggles to simply find a way out of this misery.
I could not see what its real identity were but I knew somehow I needed to get away. The urge or my guts, you could call it, was so strong, it was basically a primal instinct.
There were dark shadows creeping behind me as I frantically ran with all my might. Unceasingly, I raced towards the direction where a single ray of light brightly falls from the night sky that seems to be giving off faint feeling of a safe sanctuary.
However, no matter the distance I've ran, I felt trapped in this bizarre and gloomy forest, filled with mists so thick that seem to stretch endlessly covering my entire vision. Even taking a few steps forward and you could not tell after where you've stood a moment ago.
There were total absence of moonlight, as if the wickedness and evil entities are lurking everywhere within the cloud of mists and darkness trying to devour any being here whole.
Time begins to tickle by. My body begins to weaken. My legs are getting weak. I could feel my strength leaving my body with every step I was taking forward.
'How long has it been since I have been running?'
I forced myself to be composed in pace. Steadily pacing forward in one direction, opposite where those shadows that seems to be following my lead closely.
The ground is thickly covered by dead leaves and branches. I sweep through them on my way and frequently jumped over several thick roots that might cause me to trip if I weren't careful with my steps.
As I grasped for air with my mouth opened. It felt as though I could taste death in the air that was getting my lungs to feel dry. I reflexively coughed and tried to swallow my saliva to give moisture.
I looked up and gaze again at the ray of light in distance, I realized there was no change in distance from where I first sighted it. I was sure that I have made quite a progress having ran for a long time now.
It made me thought of a story I was told in one of my nursery days about the man who heard that they would find a pot of gold sitting at the end of the rainbows to only find it disappears or appeared somewhere else as they have gotten closer. The situation made me felt like I was chasing the end of a rainbow.
Of course, I've got to learn later that the logical reason behind was probably a phenomenon caused by mirages or due to optical effects from a person's viewing location to which the mystery behind the story was derived.
But I believed it shouldn't be the same with this present ray of light since it was a streak of clear light, or at least, I wanted to believe so.
Strange noises filled my ears. I did not know what I could do to get out of this ordeal.
I could hear unnatural screeching sounds made by some strange birds more sinister than crows and the shadows behind that reeks of many soft voices seemingly trying to temp me to their side.
I had a feeling that those voices were the souls those shadows has devoured. I certainly did not want to be one of them.
My fear was growing by the seconds and the ever increasing amount of sweat began to trickle down my foreheads, rolling in and stinging my eyes. The ordeal felt like it was never ending, and to top my insecurities, the ray of light from afar begins to dim.
Although over the years I have grown to detest religions, me, a simple human are after all a weak being.
'I pray to you God or whoever it is, to please save me this lamb from this torment! I now seek your guidance, strength, hope or whatever grace and I promise I will be a good devout!'
Even so, deep down I believed Gods were just our wilful human imaginations and creations for us to cling on, and religions are piled up stories being exaggerated and refined to capture the interests of its followers.
Over years, even an entire made up story could actually become something prone to believing as long as there were apparent evidential connections, even coincidence may do so long you put the story right.
The glorifying of Gods, legends and mythical beings are difficult to prove, however you think about it, helps serve the purpose of these so-called priests who does have difficulty to justify as to authenticity, but simply referring their proclamations to the holy book regarded as was actual facts written and passed down over the course of centuries.
As a modern, educated and philosophically bright young man, I could only think that any of those professors are blinded or brainwashed into not seeing the truth.
However, that debate does not matter right now as I will throw away my pride or any ego I hold, even detestable thoughts against those religions if I could truly ask for help.
'Whoever it is, human's made-up God, mythical God, God's representative, God's son, Holy Spirit or Higher Beings, please, by all means, may enlighten but please first SAVE me!'
After what feels like a good hour had went by as I continued running with heavy breath, I kept hold in my heart wishing some sort of miracle might happen, but to no avail. I know there truly was no hope left for me. As the famous quote rendered by Friedrich Nietzsche, 'God Is Dead!'
Due to extreme exhaustion, my footsteps started to slow in pace. My eyes begin to lose its luster, devoid of living like those of a dead man. Finally, I stopped my steps, bending my sweat-drenched body slightly grasping hard for air as I gaze at the bottomless pitch-black abyss.
Where I stand now is at the edge of a cliff that is divided with the length of two trees with no path that connects to the opposite land.
As I looked around for any possible hope left before falling to despair again, I thought to myself:
'Ahh…so this is it, huh. No way in hell, damn it!'
Even though I knew that this may be my end, my rebellious nature can't help but to want to go against and struggle with this fate I was put in.
'I will not die a coward! Bring it on, you damned beings! I'll at least go down this abyss with one of you!'
At this moment, what appears to an incidental timing the wind blew strongly above the skies. It pushed the clouds that has enveloped the moon away to the sides.
Finally, some moonlight enlightens where I stood at the cliff with few trees, giving a clearer visual in that damned misty forest of nothingness.
As seconds goes by, I could finally see the shadows fast approaching with its unbelievable speed that has pursued me since from the beginning.
Relying mostly on it's withered hands crawling, its horrifying appearance slowly comes to light. There is a dark red illumination that seems to be its eyes, flickers in the empty skull added to it being wicked.
The lower half of its body does not exist in flesh or bones but the appearance of an apparition with mist-like shadows.
This is truly an advent of a nightmare. If only someone would wake me up. How I wished that all of this was not true, that this is just a dream.
It did not stop in its track even against me in front of it standing at the end of the cliff.
There were three in total sprinting fast towards me as I prepared to throw a barrage of fists, which is the most I can do to counter with no weapons in hand.
The middle wicked shadow unhesitatingly clench the ground and forcefully thrusts itself in air and its skull opening its jaws ready for a piece of its prey. Truly, a ruthless and vicious creature that strikes without sparing a moment for me to even properly resign myself.
What seemed like a slow motion where time comes to a standstill, the creature was in the air trajectory propelling towards me, I gritted my teeth and sprinted forward, lowering my head and body, planning to grab its ribs to throw it down the cliff behind me.
Unfortunately, the evil thing did not jump far enough and clasped my back. It's claws burrowed deep in my flesh and blood came spurting out as I struggled to rid it off me on the side of the cliff.
My left hand tried hard to push away the damned thing to gain some distance as my right fist pounded the side of the skull as it attempted to chomp the side of my neck.
With all remaining strength I had left, I roared like it was the last declaration of my will and swerved my upper body abusively with force and right timing the damned thing's weakened grip came off me and falls down the cliff.
Just when I was feeling slightly accomplished at the sight of the creature in the air about to slowly descend and free fall to its death, when I turned my sights back to the front again to the two remaining evils, one of the shadow skull was already covering the entire sight of my vision.
By the time I wanted to resist, the second came leaping along and both the force held and pushed me to falter backwards falling down the cliff into the pitch-black void.
There was a very strange feeling of being free falling with the two horrifying creatures chomping my neck and the side of my body. I couldn't help but to let out my screams as I struggled.
'This is it, fxck me', I thought.
All of a sudden, I went up straight from bed with my hands trying to grasp for something to gain balance and I opened my eyes.
"What the hell!!? It's really just a dream! That's one heck of a scary dream. God damn it, again this has been going every single day for the past couple of years now. Seriously, can't there be more of those peaceful ones?"
I lamented in my heart.
…
They were dreams that was as real as it could get. Often just like normal dreams one couldn't be conscious of it but unlike a normal person's, it was much more surreal. The pain, sensations, breathing, touch, the interactions and even the flow of time.
He remembered there was once he had spent three whole days traveling with two sisters in an identity he did it even know who but had acted as though it was natural interacting with them.
It felt like he was being autonomous yet actions could be controlled as well as all his six senses aside from his limited mind seemingly to play on script.
The town's buildings and the inn he stayed, shops and restaurants he purchased items from. The goods, drinks and daily living were all very realistic.
He later went for a diagnosis at a specialized hospital, but it was condition which even doctors couldn't find an answer to. Since it did no harm, he decided to let it be.
…
While I was sitting on my bed, contemplating and digesting that life-like nightmare I had, my younger sister, Misaki, had called out for me.
"Onii-chan~ It's time to wake up or you're gonna be late!"
"Huh, what time is it now?"
I took a look at the round black digital clock at the end table beside my bed.
"Oh my gosh, it's already this hour! Gotta go get ready, no time to waste or I'll have to skip classes like how I've usually gotten used to."
"Onii-chan, that's why I told you to set two alarms yesterday since you were going to sleep so late!"
"Ah, sorry, sorry. I'll be sure to be careful now on. It's all the fault of the new novel, it's so good I can't help but to finish it in one go!"
"Mo.., you're always like this, getting so engrossed and hooked the moment you start reading your novels. You're gonna miss out on life!"
"Hahaha. Thanks for the worry, Misaki. But I always manage hold on both. I still keep up a sociable front and my hobbies separate. What about you? Don't you have your student council meetings today?"
"You always say that, haven't you lost a few friends because you ignored them for a couple months while you shut-in in your world?"
Her words were like an arrow that strikes true and penetrates my heart. Some of the bitter memories flash though my mind.
'OUCH! Dear, Imouto yo…please stop, please stop and grant my pitiful soul mercy.'
When she noticed that I didn't give her an immediate reply, she sensed that she might have spoken a little too much and continues to forward the conversation off the topic.
"The student council meeting is in the afternoon, so its fine even if I go to school a little later. Onii-chan, you should really dress up fast and there's some porridge for breakfast in the kitchen."
"Alright, I will. Thanks. Shoo-shoo. I'm going to get changed now."
I chased her off the room and shut the door.
As I put on my clothes, my mind wandered again about the dream today. There was a little surging sense of good feelings for not giving up on surviving and even fought to the bitter end. Though, it was only a dream.
The world, be it fantasy or not. The rule on survival of the fittest remains true. If you are weak, you're bound to lose out, and if you could be strong, you might at least attain a little something even if you lost. And if you're going to be on the losing end anyway, why not just give it a go? The essence is, to always give your best and not back down. That was my principle.
With a little sense of illusionary feelings of achievement, I headed down to have my quick breakfast and attended lectures for the day.