The Christmas Festival is coming!
Outside for a peek to the window, the snowflakes were gradually falling from the chilly sky above. Most students were having some dates and leisures to enjoy the gifts and surprises. Some of them planned for their family vacation while the others engaged in hanging out.
The current schedule is dismissal.
My name is TWlyYWkgU2hpenVrdQ==. I dream to be a world-class fashion designer. Fashion magazines, cosmetic products, and drama CDs are my most favorite things I engage with, even if I keep it inside my bag every day. I study on this high school campus named QWNhZGVteSBvZiBIb3BlIGFuZCBMb3Zl, which is prestigious among all the average and high class could afford in a stable offer.
My parents worked abroad, so I might want to contact them through smartphones or any streaming platform.
Sitting on the chair by the side of it, I was sewing my scarf with cotton threads that will provide me with some cozy touch to my neck. I finished another one, which is for S29ub2hhIE1va3V6YWk= who used to spend time with me during our kid's time.
He had no usual handsome features, but his well-defined self came from his warmth. He studied diligently, which he had the top grade among his class — separated apart from each other. Despite being a low-key yet top grader, he preferred to limit his space. The space he had belonged to me. We had our warming smiles and laughs when we always bonded together, which meant there was no chaotic drama that could ruin our mood.
Happiness is all I desired for us. Between next door, he gave me some presents every second day of December, so for now, I found the spot that would provide us with even more wonders to spend further.
Thanks to S2FnYW1pIFN1Y2hpcnU=, she recommended the place where we would bond together amid dusk — the carnival. The poster she posted on my private message was worth a try. Roller coaster and boomerang could thrill us in a further beyond — that was our plan to try for a ride, tormenting our stomachs with high vomit urge.
Looking at the clock, the current time is 3:55 PM, and our supposed schedule of meeting will be 4:15 PM — at the entrance of the carnival. S29ub2hhIE1va3V6YWk= and S2FnYW1pIFN1Y2hpcnU= should prepare at this hour, and I'm in a bit of a tip to finish the entire scarf.
Until I reached the conclusion, it looked great to me, and compared to the first one for S29ub2hhIE1va3V6YWk=, there was nothing to point for difference — except the black one is for me while the white one is for him.
Excited to see, I folded the two scarfs in a safe position and put them inside my convenient case bag. I immediately headed and ran out to the exit of the school for our meeting of fun.
S29ub2hhIE1va3V6YWk= and S2FnYW1pIFN1Y2hpcnU= were probably waiting for me. I texted them to spare me more wait. Any taxi couldn't bypass my time and budget to rush since the carnival was near from QWNhZGVteSBvZiBIb3BlIGFuZCBMb3Zl — about 1.2 kilometers apart. Instead, sprinting was my sole choice to guarantee the escape from danger. Gladly, my wool jacket would never be so bulky to split me aside, and the balance between thick and thin was perfectly adjusted — worth kudos to the designer of this.
This could take around ten minutes worth to run. The chill wind swished roughly around me upon the acceleration I generated was gradually furthering. My limbs rushed till rapidly. At least, being a part-time athlete was grateful to myself since being part of the swimming team enhanced my pride to utmost which I immensely contributed to the records of competition, most victories were worth streaking to this prestigious school. Although balancing my personal and social life was my breathtaking preference, it was my only way to redeem the boundary between thrill and naught.
Run… Run… Run…
Wind hastened me despite my face turning runny pink. It was awful to act, but the routine relieved me by any chance to reach. My aim is not being late and clumsy towards time, thanks to my learnings within the swimming team.
"Come on! Give me some miracle to reach my expectation!"
I was begging for some blessing to pull the string of fate forward. I despised missing the moment to be the best of my life. Another scarf should be worth my craft for love. For sole S29ub2hhIE1va3V6YWk=.
… Time lapsing by.
I finally reached the finish line. Parents, children, and friends were common to see. Surrounding my pants, my hands reached to my knees while my upper body lowered to face underneath. The sweats were mild… since the chill blew it off.
"Okay… now where are you guys?"
I mumbled, wishing that the miracle had answered.
"Oh, TWlyYWkg? I see you were struggling to catch us up," the familiar, gentle voice suddenly caught my ears.
"Eh~, that's the swimmer you got here. She is afraid to fail otherwise. Plus, that's how being the most valuable player works," the cheerful, extroverted voice followed by.
"Shut up, S2FnYW1p. You won't understand how my routine works."
"Your limbs should attract your swimming technique. Boys alike are still feasting on your thighs."
"Ha ha ha! Make me laugh before I might die out of air."
Looking from my composing face, the one who stood in front of me had twintail hair with glittering ribbon while the other whom I adored much had a pale-skinned face, fit for him to spend a winter season with.
In fact, S2FnYW1pIFN1Y2hpcnU= was annoying. She merely wanted S29ub2hhIE1va3V6YWk= and me to get along even further. Relationship didn't matter to me, but the way she executed felt like I needed to back her away even soon. Her charm turned me off like an unlucky girl to ghost me around from him. She was the symbol of my challenge, secretly neglecting her self-insert. Despite speaking politely, she sounded like a lurker trying to hack my bank account.
She is a total despicable person to me. It bothered my eyes when I kept staring at her, miserably.
"Our tickets are here."
She grabbed the tickets from her pocket to redeem our entry. She placed them in front of the receptionist's desk to receive our legal permission. We placed our bags to the receptionist, for our responsible security entrusted to the hands of theirs. Then, the receptionist gave us the claim stamp for giving back at a later time, and my stamp had number 1202 on it. Once accepted, we granted ourselves by entering the carnival filled with snows.
The dream I desired was a rain of chills and blowing fun of a soft cuddle. The glowing light of amusement fulfilled my glorious plan, but some peace ruined me. This "pig" right beside me bothered the most. She could have spent time with her group of friends since her extroverted personality awed most people, even schoolmates alike, but why? She could have left us along to redeem ourselves with S29ub2hhIE1va3V6YWk= solely. I preferred nothing but him — him alone.
But she instead snuggled against him because her jacket seemed to be thin with mere plain cotton.
"How about we enjoy the Ferris wheel?"
"Sure, it's good to amuse the view from above. Taking some breath before thrill will suffice us."
"..."
Honestly, I'm sick of giving me the wait to ruin. It doesn't mean I'm against it, but I feel impatient.
My impatient self ruined myself the most… in front of S29ub2hhIE1va3V6YWk=. We sat together in a single trio-sized seat to share our warm cuddles. I mentally glared at her for messing our date up. Her face felt relieved while trying to sniff his warm sleeves.
After finishing our relief, we immediately headed to every booth where it might give us some worth to try...
… Fuck this, I'll just skip the lapse to the most thrilling one.
The Roller Coaster…
Where the daredevil considered it a mediocre torture.
People squealed for their abstinence of eerie exaggeration. It intrigued me since the hardcore favored me to let my spirit lifted. Those who failed were feeling ashamed of themselves. A mere shake of throb risked them even though they blindly believed the probability. The fear of expectations should conquer before I might do it in reverse coincidence.
"Let's go, the fun awaits us here."
I would pretend to hear her. All I cared for was S29ub2hhIE1va3V6YWk= all along. No more, no less.
We entered the seat with a secured rod around our chest, and a belt around our waist. We waited for the timing to take off once the others entirely secured themselves.
With that, the fun began with a gradual launch.
Until it turned extreme, the rush of our scream began with our clenches against the rod. We made sure not to let the gravity deprive us before our fragile body entered the magnetic gate of death.
"Ahhhhhhhh!"
"Ohhhhhh gaaaaawwwwwwwdddd!"
"Ha~!"
Our screams were worth unleashing our exaggeration. The rapid swishing sound pierced our ear. The wintry wind blew roughly — stronger than the time I rushed. It drove us crazy while our guts urged us to dare something shameful, but we resisted from our miserable state — screaming in all air out to push the pressure away from our stomach.
Scream… Scream… Scream…
That was all we did to enjoy our thrilling leisure time. It was torturing yet pleasing to give a hype of our pleasurable fulfillment. Our delirious mind had put ourselves to cough the high pressure within our stomach, aching by constant high acceleration. It frightened us; we pushed ourselves for mere fun.
Until the ride had concluded with a slow hissing sound, we removed our securities to stretch while the others placed their hand on their stomach. Once we got out of the seat, our body felt sluggish from instant acceleration. The incoming vomit was about to launch away from our stomach.
We tried to resist along. We pushed the acid back down to the stomach.
Unfortunately, the first victim who couldn't take it at all was me.
"I need to go to the restroom."
They nodded silently since they needed to regain their normal composure, while I hesitated to resist my ache. Gladly, the restroom was near beside the booth of the roller coaster. I rushed to the toilet with my hasty legs. Upon reaching it, I opened the lid and quickly vomited toward the open.
"Bleugh~!"
It was embarrassing to show how I challenged myself not to give myself a vomit, but the natural cause got me surrendered.
I thought of myself why I hated S2FnYW1pIFN1Y2hpcnU= so much. She was the classmate of S29ub2hhIE1va3V6YWk= while I sat with nobody to know me well. They got along with each other like projects, recess, and group study. At least, some of them knew me as a top achiever in a swimming club. I even planned myself to quit swimming because of some controversy spreading around the campus — about nude pictures of mine in the women's locker room. Although they talked with their friendly accent, I wished I could throw their fist at them — no matter what.
"If it's true all along, I might think it's not some kind of pervert who would take a click and exhibit their artwork for their own pleasure… rather... I cannot think of anyone who would do this," I muttered, thinking of the probable context behind the controversy of mine.
I would do well to think straight and focus on myself. It took me a long time to relieve myself despite it might bring my reputation into an enormous chunk of mess. They would describe me for the sake of my "physical" self. My slender body was blameworthy for letting them tease me.
Regaining my composure, I went to the sink for my hand-washing, then left the restroom and returned to them. They sat on a certain bench, having a sweet talk.
Walking near while their eyes focused on each other, I eavesdropped on their conversation.
S29ub2hhIE1va3V6YWk= was the one who started their brief chat.
"I was thinking what kind of Christmas present I will give it to you."
"You know what, I don't need something to give you a present. Right now, the time we spent together is our present, like sharing our blessing."
He smiled.
"Oh, an intangible present. I forgot that I preferred more into moments other than just plain stuff... even if it looks beautiful or not, I think it suffices for me to deal with."
"Oh~ How dear of you, even TWlyYWkg looks fine to provide you with enough presents."
"Enough presents? To tell you honestly, I don't care if many presents she gave were worthy for us to spend along with many credits, and I was concerned that it might cost a lot for those. Even though she got from the swimming competition, I think she needs to tone down a bit. If I would accept her gift humbly for now, I say it's best to reject the offer."
"That sounds sad."
What? He won't accept my gift... anymore.
My ears had ached. His words disappointed me with his honest declaration — right in front of my unnoticeable face. Although the passing crowds bothered my sight, it was safe to consider that he had reasons on my regards. In fact, I used to give him a lot of snacks and clothes because he usually had the bland sense to gain his poise.
Still, the scarf I made wasn't worth giving. My promise should not become naught.
So I left them to chat for a little longer and ran to the receptionist's desk for the retrieval of his scarf from my bag. The crowds went massive since most student friends from other schools around enjoyed here for their bonds. It bothered me to rush smoothly before something would leave me astray. Nothing to help, I pushed the incoming people instead to leave me some space.
"Excuse me… Excuse me…"
"Jeez! Watch where you're going!"
"Fuck! You just ruin my cake!"
They felt irritated as it gave them no respect to let them be. In the first place, everyone of them didn't provide me with a spacious path. It might sound obscure to rush for a mere scarf, but I needed the time to gather myself. I was the worst person who deserved nothing but my self-pride.
Oh god… Oh god…
I mumbled, enraging myself to punch against the wall.
The meters were long. The vast variety of booths and rides irritated me. It was an awful chill to torment my limbs into a reckless circumstance.
Finally, I reached the destination. The receptionist could accept the permission to retrieve my certain stuff — a white scarf for him. I grabbed the stamp to claim the proof in front of her eyes.
I asked her for permission, "Miss! Can you give me the case bag at Number 1202 for a while? I have to get something from it."
"Sure!"
The receptionist nodded and grabbed my case bag at the slot of 1202. She gave it to me afterwards and watched me while getting the scarf. The insides were messy that I could drag everything away from it. Finally at my hands, I returned it back to her.
"Here goes for another lap!"
I ran back to the rollercoaster while pushing against the crowded obstruction. Round of excuses were spitting from my rushing mouth. Another rude complaint heard over my unforgiving ears. They deserved no sorry, which I was aware of their mindful spite. Although it gave me the promise to reach, I believed that the miracle would help me fulfill my aim — to confess right in front of my face, or at least, giving him the gift would suffice me.
The rollercoaster is the place to wait for my wishful memory.
Prodigious thanks came before me, although the preparation should time me to reach.
Until my feet set back to the place…
I realized something… frightened me.
The lips of S29ub2hhIE1va3V6YWk= and S2FnYW1pIFN1Y2hpcnU= were brushing against each other while he placed his hands on her cheeks. It was inadvertently hypocritical to my witness. He seemed to her as a desirable lover in front of their gleaming eyes. She accepted his commitment. My love for him felt betrayed. My clenching fist with his supposed scarf ruined with my jealous anger. My shocking eyes drew the tears out from under my moist lid.
It was supposed to be the best fulfillment. His memories to me were worth giving my icy heart of soul. My dream for him suddenly obliterated the inner gap of chase.
Is it true?...
That their love entwines more than mine for him?...
That my disappointment ruins me?
The portrayal in front of my envied eyes cried out. The disapproval of my feelings changed me. It was nothing to change. It was nothing to consider. A sow whom I believed was his four-clover bloom.
It was over.
Truth pierced my heavily throbbing heart that I could throw my crafted scarf to the trash can. It was such a waste of cotton fabric that would burn out on the junkyard — yard of foolish burn — like my feelings, like the truth. It resided within the hellish flames of grasp.
Love or lust?
It begged me.
Screw all of this.
Everything was nothing — all along.