Standing at the entrance to the farmhouse was an old looking, green skinned person with long ears and mean looking face. Warts and wrinkles, as well as liver spots cover the green face, as it looked at Alten in evaluation.
"A goblin! A real goblin!!!" The old looking creature definitely looked like a goblin, Alten thought, as he surmised from his experience playing fantasy RPG game.
The creature suddenly spoke.
"Err... hello human. I'm Thak. I'm a goblin."
Holy shit! It really IS a goblin!
"Do not be alarmed, i am a woke goblin."
"A woke goblin?"
"Yes, a woke goblin. It means I have outgrown my natural instinct to sexually assault and murder humanoids like those goblins in Goblinslayer... and now I am living a life of intellectual being, with non-violent means being the only way for my self betterment and fulfilment. Hashtag goblin lives matter, and all that."
"Err, okaaaaay??"
The old goblin frowned, and continued.
"I have transcended the limitation imposed on by society and have shunned racism, political biases, sexism and economic classism."
"Uuh, alriiiiiiiiiiiigggghht??"
"Sigh. I'm just a weird old goblin"
"Ohh! Ok, that I understand! I have a few questions. where am I? I mean, I know I'm at the Happy Tree Farm, but where the heck is this farm at right now?"
"Happy Tree Farm? Ohohohoho. come, follow me inside, and I will explain everything over some Lonjing tea"
"Un".
They went to kitchen, and Thak the goblin made tea.
"Ohohoho, here we go."
They enjoyed the tea in silence for a few minutes. Alten felt that the taste is somewhat special, unlike the tea bought from market.
"Now then, where shall we start? Right, this... Happy Tree Farm is actually a lifesaving artifact that can save it's owner life at the exact moment of danger. it was created by the multidimensional witch, Yuko xxxxHara. The owner needs to be in the vicinity of the farm and it will automatically activate, no matter what danger it is."
"Okay... but why is it in the shape of a farm though? Wouldn't it be better if it was something smaller so it can be carried around? Like a locket or something?"
"Aahh... about that, I wasn't too sure either. Anyways, you must have met with a disaster at your own world, and the farm teleported you to this world to save you."
"Wow... so it's like that. Ummm, how do I get back?"
'Hmmm, there was a story about something that happened a century ago that I heard from the previous owner. Before I took over this farm from the previous owner, the owner before him was also a person teleported from another world. Most probably from your world. Well, from the story that I heard, it seems that the teleported owner has a special argument-thought reality man-you-wing system magic, whatever that means. With that, he could control everything about the farm, especially to use the farm to teleport between worlds.'
'Wah, so cool!'
'And, apparently this menu only appears to farm owner from your side of the world. I've never seen the menu... and neither has the previous owner before me, since we were both of this world...'
'Oh, right, okay. So uh, how do i make it appear?'
The old goblin scratched his chin for a while.
'Beats me, you need to find out by yourself...'
'Alala' sighed Alten.
'Right, ready for another round of info dump?'
'Uh, yeah, I guess?'
'Okay. This country you teleported to is called Henyun. A hours wagon ride south of here is a small town called Taiyang, the nearest civilization around these parts. It is also the only town in this area. Further south few hours ride from Taiyang is a small city called Changren, and a few days ride south of that is the trade city of Jianjiang, which you can get to after crossing the nearby great river of Yangtze. Jianjiang is dabsmack right in the center of the minor trade route of west Hengyun. The capital Longxin is a few months wagon ride to the east from Jianjiang, situated right in the center of the Major Trade Route of Hengyun, but you won't be going there anytime soon. There's no trade route from Jianjiang to Longxin, only a forest path. Too many monsters and bandits in between... so you will need to join a trade caravan and travel as a group with mercenary or adventurer guards to do that, or take the long way using an interconnecting minor and major trade routes... which will usually take several months to almost a year to arrive."
"Owh!"
"Of course, you could use a teleportation portal which would cut down the travel time to just minutes, but then the cost to operate such portals will be so high you might barely break even after finishing a trip... Anyways, to the west of us is Skeyland where the main human populations walk around wearing skirts and face warpaint; don't ask me why. They don't wear it always, not all the time, the warpaint that is. To the south are the triple kingdoms of Dawn, Lanzhou, Luzhou, and Nanyang. Every year they have martial arts competition where their people fight each other in the area, sometimes against monster too. I provided some of the monsters for their competition for the past decade" said Thak proudly.
"To the east is Pattaria ruled by the dark skinned Pattarian dynasty. Further out is Glemia and Tarte, ruled by the blue eyed, glowing golden haired emperor Caesarean, of the Saeyan. Ah! Further north of Hengyun, we have the Kingdom of Clifordia, guarded by the famous knights of Clifordia! We had histories, those knights and I, before I became woke, heh heh. And to the north east... actually, you best not go up the mountain lands to the north east. Those are Jotunn land, ruled by the bloodthirsty Jotunn giants, forever locked in war with the dwarves of Dunumia. They treat smaller creatures like toys or food, sometimes both, so stay out of their land."
"There are more kingdoms further out but my geographic skills are limited. By the way, the continent we are on is called Khallansia, one of the six main continents in this world."
Thak stopped talking after seeing Alten eyes start watering and spinning in circle from the extreme info dump.
"So... what do they call you? I introduced myself awhile back a few paragraphs earlier, and all this time while doing the info dump you still have yet to introduce yourself."
Alten scratched his head and smiled sheepishly while saying
"sorry about that, my name is Alten, heh heh"
"Alten Heheh? An unusual name, but whatever floats your boat.."
"Ah no, actually it's.."
Suddenly a voice shouted out from outside.
"THAK! THAK! Where are you, you old gobbo? We're here!"
Thak stood up and said "Ah, he's here. Wait here and enjoy your tea, I have some business to attend to."
Thak opened the front door and saw the dignified middle age man with several guards outside. He smiled and said
"Williamo! Valentino!"
Williamo beamed.
"Hello uncle Thak" said a young guard called Valentino with a smile.
"Thak, my old friend! So what is this important information you need to tell me? I rode out of Taiyang straight here after getting back from the Skeyland campaign... you need delivery escort again for this year Dawn Competition? I'll round up some boys wahahahaha"
"I'm retiring."
Williamo laughed for a bit before snorting suddenly and taking a deep breath. Valentino jaws dropped.
"What?!!"
"Ohohohoho. I'm too old for this shit. My bones are creaking, and I have a sizable retirement fund in the bank of Hengyun, so I decided to retire and live the rich goblin life like a boss on a cruise ship or something exotic like that."
"But, but... what about the farm?"
Thak thought for a while, and a gleam enters his eye.
"Oh, it has a new owner, heh heh. Come inside you two, and meet him."
"O - okay..."
Williamo, still shocked, followed the old goblin into the house towards the kitchen.
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Alten was sipping on Longjing tea when Thak came in with a dignified looking middle age man behind him.
"And this young man right here is the new owner of the farm, Alten Heheh!"
Two pair of eyes looked at each other, then at the old goblin, then at each other several times.
"Whattt?!!!!"
"WHAT?!"
A pair of voice, one young and one middle aged sounding, yelled in surprise...