I missed them. I didn't think I would but I did. I thought I had evolved and had no need for attachments. I thought I was above it all. But I wasn't.
For the first time since the incident, I found myself missing someone that wasn't my aunt Ophelia or her husband. It was new, strange and unpleasant. I hated the feeling of vacancy in my chest.
It had been three days. Three days since they brought me back to the orphanage. It wasnt anything cruel or unexpected, I had seen it coming. So why? Why did it break my heart seeing them walk away from me? Why did I ache when I saw john literally having to pry his wifes hands off me? And why was I still so sad even after three days?
I am different. I am not like other children; that much I knew. Even though I hadn't exactly had the pleasure of interacting with other kids my age with my previous home school education and my current unwillingness and inability to bond with anyone, I knew I was different. Smarter, more mature and highly perceptive. Yet, I had never felt more like child in my whole life than I had at that moment.
Here I was, sitting down on a bench, watching the other kids play and live their lives freely without a care while all I could do was think about my cursed luck.
The more I thought about it, the more pain I felt.
Show no weakness.
I took in a deep breath to brace myself. I froze just as I did that. A tingling sensation filled my nostrils and brought back a strong wave of emotions and a not too distinct memory.
I had wrapped my arms around the strangers neck and buried my face there. Soaking him in, and trusting someone for the first time and not because he had given me any reason to but just because.
John.
He's here.
I could feel it. I looked around in a hurry but he was nowhere to be seen. A hopeful smile that I didnt even notice had appeared on my face slowly died down and I turned my gaze to my worn out shoes.
Hes not here.
That was all in my head. I missed him and I actually thought hed come back for me.
Weak.
Maybe things were better this way. I knew there were people after me and they were ultimately the reason for my current loneliness. John taking me in wouldnt have been a good thing for either of us. He was a weakness I couldn't afford.
If I stay unattached, they wont be able to hurt anyone but me.
Id prefer that. Still
I sighed and allowed myself to remember the feeling of being in Johns arms, Isabellas bright smile and curious eyes, Lillians gentle touch and the overall feeling of oneness I had in my short time with them.
It was good while it lasted.
Rose.
"Rose!"
A voice snapped me out of my daydream. I looked up and locked eyes with a matron before realizing my mistake and quickly looked away.
I was still working on the no eye contact thing.
This particular matron had been one of those that scolded me the minute Johns car was out of sight after they dropped me off.
Couldnt really blame them though. I was just as curious as they were as to how I managed to get out of the orphanage and end up where I did. Of course they were quick to drop it. I mean its not like they could have continued questioning a psychologically traumatized mute forever.
Theres someone here to see you. The matron said and started walking away.
Someone? Here to see me?
She stopped and turned around to give me a questioning look when she noticed I hadnt gotten up and followed her.
Rose?
I shook the thoughts away from my head and got up. I caught up to her while dusting the back of my checkered uniform skirt and together we walked out of the playground and towards the main building.
As we got closer my heart began to race within my chest.
Could it be?
When we were just a few steps short of the entrance I stopped in my tracks and gripped my chest tightly.
The matron noticed and stopped as well. I didnt even look at her to guess what she was thinking as I normally would have. All I could stare at was the door and all I could think about was how disappointed I would be if behind the door it wasnt who I'd thought it would be.
"It is".
I turned my gaze to the matron making sure there was no direct eye contact. She smiled at me and extended a hand out which I gladly took.
"It is".
She said again and nodded to reassure me.
We walked forward and she opened the door. And it was.
Standing in the middle of the waiting room was a huge dark-haired man with a scruffy beard and a tattoo peeking out of his collar.
In that moment, all sounds were zoned out. The distinct yelling of the children at the playground, the creaking of the rusting iron chains of the swings, the hustling and bustling of the matrons, cooks, janitors, nurses and maids, it was all gone. I didn't even feel the warmth of the matrons hands in mine anymore or noticed the head matron he was talking to. In that moment only one persons presence mattered.
As if just noticing our presence, the tall man turned around and our eyes met. I didn't even look away this time and neither did he. We held each others gazes as if it hadn't been just three days since we last saw each other.
He took slow but long strides towards me and I let go of the matrons hands and did the same till we met somewhere in the middle. He got down on one knee before me as if he were proposing and smiled his gentle smile.
"Did you miss me rose?"
More than you will ever know. I wanted to say but instead bit my lip and nodded.
"I missed you too". He said with a smile.
"Did you think we wouldn't meet again?"
My lips threatened to wobble again and I bit down harder.
I shook my head in reply. I guess knowing I'd see him again but not knowing when was what broke my heart even more. It would have been much easier for me to think that we had gone our separate ways for good but I couldn't lie to myself as much as I tried.
His smile widened at my answer. "Good. I didnt want you to think that".
He wrapped my right hand with his hands.
"I'm sorry I made you wait so long. It was a complicated process but I've been able to speed things up a bit". He took a deep breath.
Rose? I furrowed my eyebrows.
Would you like to come stay with us?
I blinked once. Twice.
"As Lillian and I's daughter, As Isabella's sister. As a part of our family. As Prima Rosa William-Smith."
I blinked again. Is this really happening?
Rose?
It was only then that I realized he was still waiting for an answer. I looked him in his eyes.
I'm a good person, rose. I promise. He had told me on the night we met, and truly he was.
This man had taken in strange little orphan, gave her shelter, showed her his wonderful family, clothed and fed her and now he came back all this way to make her a part of his family. Not because she had given him any reason to, but just because.
Trouble followed me wherever I went, that was no news. Tragedy would befall on John and his family if he took me home with him. I was sure of this. So why did I wrap my arms around his neck and nod my head repeatedly?
I was being selfish, that was the only answer I could give myself but I did it anyway. I wanted to feel whole again. I wanted a family and a home and only the Smiths could give that to me.
"Is that a yes Rose? he asked and I nodded my head again and again till he let out a small chuckle.
"I'm glad. He placed a kiss on my head and patted my red hair. Lily and I fell in love with you at first sight and we simply can't wait for you to be part of our family. Isabella can't wait to have a sister too."
They're out getting your things ready as we speak. That made my smile widen till my cheeks started to sting. He knew I'd say yes. All this time, I thought I had imagined the bond between us but they had felt it too. It wasn't just in my head.
The huge smile on my face must have shocked the two matrons. "She has never shown that much emotion in the whole year she's been here".
Really? John asked with one of his hand still brushing through my hair. I still wasn't ready to let go of him.
"She hasn't done much since she came here." The other said.
Were they trying to discourage him?
"I think its best we speak privately." The head matron said.
John let go of me and looked apologetic.
Oh no.
He must have guessed what I was thinking because he simply smiled and leaned over to whisper in my ear. I don't care if you turn into an ogre at sundown, I'm taking you with me.
The reference had gone over my head like with Lillians talk of the curly haired princess but I still let out a breathless laugh at his attempt to reassure me.
He laughed as well and got up from his knees.
"Sorry princess, I wanted to see you as soon as I got here but the paperwork is not done yet, I'll try to finish things as soon as possible so we can go home".
I nodded in understanding and watched him go towards the head matrons office.
Princess. He had called Isabella the same thing while serving her pancakes.
I smiled at that. He already thought of me as his daughter.
I was left alone in the waiting room.
I swear I was not trying to listen, but my hearing has always been quite sharp plus, the soundproofing in this room is just terrible.
"Mr. Smith, this is all we could gather about rose".
Following that was the sound of rustling paper.
"As you can see, we have no idea where her parents were from and there have been no sign of any other relatives since they were murdered in cold blood. The police assumed they were killed by robbers going by the state of the house but never actually got close to solving the case. They have no idea who did it or why. She paused, probably to allow him take the information in.
"Rose was found lying on their corpse when the police arrived".
Dear God John said shakily. I looked down at my shoes. I really didn't need or want to hear this but I couldnt block it out. My hearing was so strong it was like I was in the same room with them.
We all thought that she must have witnessed their death while in hiding and has been traumatized ever since. If she could talk before the incident, we have no idea but according to the doctors her vocal chords are intact and she should be able to speak. Yet, she hasn't made a single sound in a year.
Woah. John said breathlessly.
"It'll take a lot of time and patience to get through to her". I clenched my fist. She really was trying to discourage him.
But she started again, I believe it'll be worth it in the end. My fists unclenched immediately and I slowly raised my head up at that.
Shes a special one Mr. Smith and I dont just mean her looks, her eyes are just a rare case of heterochromia which comes with a little sensitivity to light, but she's more than that. I heard rustling of more papers.
Look at her report cards. She has shown signs of higher intelligence than kids her age and those even four to five years older. Shes extraordinary."
I knew that since the moment we met. I don't know how, but I did. John agreed and I could heard the smile in his voice.
I just wish she didn't have to go through all of this pain.
Me too, John. Me too.
"She'll heal. She just needs some love. You're a good man Mr. Smith. You can give this girl the life she deserves".
"I intend to". John said firmly. Trauma and all, we'll take her and make her happy.
I was so touched by what john said that my eyes began to blur but I managed to blink away the tears. I really look forward to being a part of his family.
The paperwork would be complete in a few days but I wouldnt be allowed to go with him till then. That saddened me a little but I could wait.
Before he left that day, he gave me a pair of sunglasses to help with my light sensitivity. They were much too big for me but he promised hed get me a more fitting pair when he takes me home.
The gesture made me so happy and to show him, I put the oversized shades on with a cheeky grin. He burst out laughing and kissed me again on the forehead before hoping in his car and driving off. I waved and waved till his car became a dot in the distance.
A couple days had never felt so long but it was worth it in the end. Soon enough, I was home, I am smith.