I walk fast away from him but he's following me. I could feel my face hot and reddish and my body was burning in anger. I felt his arms wrapped around me from my back, making me slowly calm. I screamed at him and told him to release me. But he's strong and my strength couldn't compare from his.
"Get off me!"
"No. Please, let's stay for a moment like this." He murmured on my nape. It calmed me for a moment but I have to be mad at him.
"I am not Adhiti and you have no right to kiss me!"
"I don't care. I don't care if you are not her. All I care about is I see her in you. I miss that face… I miss that voice… Forgive me for being spoiled. I just wanted to be content at this moment. Please let me." He said it all in a whisper, soft and desperate. "My Adhiti," he whispered as if I was her. "Please pretend that you are here at this moment. I just wanted to embrace her like this and tell her that I love her so much."
I did stop avoiding him. I felt his heart at my back beating. It is calming and I feel like it was talking to me. His heart speaks loud romantic words in my mind. Like the moment he embraced Adhiti like this. I tried not to be her but part of me wanted her back.
"If ever she's listening to me right now, I want to say that I am sorry for not finding you sooner and saving you. I wanted to say sorry because I cheated on you. I'm sorry for not showing my love to you enough. I just wish to bring back all the time and never let you go beside me so that they won't ever take you away from us." He stopped for a moment. His voice had changed like it somehow sounds teary and broken. He sniffles at my back and I feel tears fall on my shoulder that makes my shirt wet. He tightened his embrace. "I just wished that I never took my eyes off her. In that way, I wouldn't lose her."
I wanted to shut him up because I am getting too emotional about his words. My eyes are teary and I can't hold any tears anymore. I do my best closing my eyes so the tears won't come out. I felt his kiss on my neck and he sniffs me as his hug tightens.
"I just wished that I never used anyone just to take all my loneliness. I just wished that I did something to save you." Nick sipped some air. "My death is not enough to bring her back."
I get to my room feeling all jelly. I don't know how to think straight clearly. When I enter my room and close it, I fall to my knees on the floor. I can't even see clearly because of the tears forming on my eyes. I felt a furry thing brush on my arm. I felt my wolf's little feet step on my knees and sniffle my face. I blink and hold the pup as it licks my tears away.
"My death is not enough to bring her back." His last words still echo in my head. I don't want him to die. This heart still loves him and I don't know how not to love him. I was interrupted by a phone call. I pulled it from my pocket and was about to turn it off but Marcus's name is on the screen. I wiped my tears and pulled my pup to hug him. He whimpered and that's when I answered the call.
"Hey, I have this feeling that you are not okay so I called. I just want to make sure that you are alright."
"I'm alright," I said but my voice breaks.
"Are you crying? What happened?" he sounded really worried like I was his daughter. "Who hurt you?"
"Don't worry, I can take this." I murmur.
"Come on. Tell me." I didn't speak for a moment and sniffled. I told him everything. I told him what I feel. I told him that this stupid heart is still in love with her first love. I finally ended the call because it needs to charge.
It is already five in the afternoon. I didn't show up on our sparring today. It is very awkward that he cried in front of me while saying those things. I hugged the pillow while Ruin was pillowing on the pillow that I am hugging with his nose pointed on me. Katherine is nowhere. Maybe she's just somewhere around.
Someone knocks on the door and I immediately cover Ruin by my duvet before it opens. Good thing that the dog didn't complain. I sat up to see Mrs. Patterson with a smile and a bag.
"How are you feeling?" she asked me.
"I'm fine," I say. She walks towards my bed and puts the bag on the bedside table. I forgot about Ruin. It startles her when the duvet moves and Ruin barks. I pull the duvet and apologize to her. She said it was fine and instantly adored Ruin.
"What an adorable wolf." She said and patted the wolf. "Good thing that I double the food that I cook. I will just settle the table." I nodded and she took the bag and started settling the table. Ruin played on the duvet biting it and almost ruining it. "I heard that you left the Academy a while ago. Where did you go?" she asked me while she's busy preparing the food on the table. It takes a few seconds before I answer her.
"I went back to the town to visit an old friend. He is the one who taught me to play the violin since I was five." She nods.
"I'm sorry that my sons keep on bugging you. They are just worried about you."
"They are quite overprotective when it comes to Adhiti. I may look like her, but it is unusual for me. I am not used that there are people who wanted to protect me twenty-four-seven." I saw how she stopped from what she is doing.
"They just loved their sister very much. I'm sorry if they are that way."
Ruin falls down the bed with the duvet and he whimpers like he's crying. But he stopped and played on the duvet again. I found him very adorable biting and ruining the duvet.
"Mrs. Patterson? I wanted to ask something." She turned to me and nodded. "Why did Adhiti disappear without any trace?" it takes a while before she speaks. She knows something and it makes her terrified to speak.
"She… she discovered something that she shouldn't."
"What is it?" I asked innocently though I knew the truth behind. She shook her head and smiled a little.
"You shouldn't get curious around here. We don't know what we are stepping on." It is the same sentences that she told Adhiti. But Adhiti is a very bright curious girl who wants to know everything that goes on her way. That includes the death of her friend and the people around her. "Because of my daughter's curiosity and traumatic memories in this school, she wanted to explore and to know the answers."
"Do people keep on dying in that year?"
"Yes."
"What about people who keep on missing? Or she's the only one?"
"There are lots of people who keep on missing here but they will find their body on the third day. My Adhiti, we never found her body. I am still assuming that she's alive."
It didn't take long for her to settle the table. She told me that she has to leave to check for her apprentice. It was a relief being alone again. Ruin keeps on running back and forth. I think he needs to go outside. I went to the table to eat and put a few slices of meat on Ruin's bowl. I am eating while listening to Mozart's compositions. The door opens and I feel his aura as he enters the room.
"It was supposed to be your training at four. Why didn't you come?" he asked a little agitated. I sipped on my water before speaking. "Don't you know how important it is to you to learn all of those things?"
"Maybe it is important, but I guess I need to pass this day. A while ago, Eliza saw us. In a few minutes, you will be called in the office of the Head Mistress."
"Catastrophe." I stood and turned to him.
"It is inappropriate to talk to me after what you have done." He closes the door behind him so that the conversation between us will be private. I know that there is lots of gossip outside my room. Nicholas always visits me in Adhiti's room. I know students have their dirty perception of the relationship between us.
He's Adhiti's ex and I was like her doppelganger. My role is making their minds twisted. It is my way for them to show that Adhiti is dead and I am not her so that they can't find any information about what I know. It is really hard to speak about the truth and the mystery around the academy. But memories of Adhiti is very vivid in my mind like it just happens yesterday.
"Let's be casual and pretend that it didn't happen. If the Head Mistress kicked me out of the school or suspends me as your Adviser it wouldn't happen. I know that she won't do it. Because she's also like me."
"You are all psychos." I just murmur. I don't want to speak anymore.
The Head Mistress is quite a flirt when it comes to Andrew. She seduced him many times and slept with him many times while she's a Head Mistress of the school and he is a student. I had caught them almost making out. It is inappropriate for the Head of the school to make out with the student. Just like the case of Nicholas and Eliza. And now, I and him. Things are crazy around here.
"I don't care what you called us. But I was just an instructor and I am not a permanent adviser here."
"So it is easy for you to fool around with me. You see, I am not a clingy slut."