Underneath all that gentleman facade, you are a piece of chicken shit, Cliff. I berated myself.
I caught myself checking on her Facebook again, thirsty for any channel or source that might carry any news about Faye. I went to the gym twice pretending to workout, but secretly hoping to bump into her. Nope, not there.
And for the umpteenth time, I drafted a text to Faye only to delete everything before having the nerve to send to her.
At least, for now, I am still officially her boyfriend, am I not?
People change for either 2 reasons - their minds are opened, or because their hearts are broken.
Waiting and being in the unknown is tormenting. What are you thinking, Faye? And Cliff, why don't you reach out to your girl?
Nothing new on her Facebook. I expected so. She is not the type who posts what she eats for lunch, nor announce her feelings to the world via social media, and neither would she share photos of events or travels.
So when she did post one photo of us together on her FB page, that was truly a big deal.
'There are too much humdrum on Fakebook. I only use it to share positive stuff. And to stalk people,' Faye once said.
And stalking I am now.
Brushing these thoughts aside, I took out my notebook and tried to work on the Christmas project.
Out of The Box... hmmm.
What is something that the general public can relate to? I find immense satisfaction if someone look at my art and able to connect with it. I love it when Faye attempts to interpret what I drew, even if the interpretation deviated from the true intention.
I miss how she fits perfectly in the circle of my arms, how our fingers interlocked when we were simply walking down the street. The feel of her gentle lips upon mine in the darkness of the cinema. How her smile and the soft gaze of her eyes could just take my breath away. And how confident I was in her love, knowing that she really liked me and loved me. Knowing that I could call her mine, and mine alone.
Damn, I am grinning like an idiot. She is on my mind 24/7.
Focus on your work... focus on your work...
Why boxes? Of course, Christmas is about gift. Christians celebrate Christmas, the birth of Christ. This I know from Bro Nat.
So, my task is to create something extraordinary, something unconventional that is related to Christmas. I closed my eyes, grip my fists hoping to summon a spark of genius.
God, a little help, please? Let my work inspire others. If its in Your will, let them sell well too?
And while we are at it, God please keep an eye on my sweetheart Faye. Guard her heart against falling in love with another person.
Maybe I should pretend to have a toothache and appear at her clinic?
Damn it, Cliff. Why can't you just give her a call?
Geez... I am so distracted without her.
Ok. I've made up my mind.
Tomorrow I am going to her workplace to surprise her. With a bouquet of flowers, I will go.
That would be way out of my comfort zone. But for Faye, I will.
* beep beep*
Incoming message notification.
Faye baby, is that you? Wishful thinking.
It was Collins. 'Howdy? Gallery ready next week. Art should be up next Tuesday. Mind if we go through your work tomorrow, regardless at any stage of completion?'
'Ok boss,' I replied.
'Your place or mine?' Collins texted back.
I glanced around my apartment cum studio, the empty pizza boxes, the dirty laundry and the mess. The gaping emptiness left by Faye was tangible, like the hollow void in my heart.
'Mine is currently in a sorry state. Will pop by your office tomorrow. '
With that statement, I hope that somehow the universe will arrange itself properly and by tomorrow, I have something to show Collins. At least, to meet him at his office, it is perfectly rational not to bring any unfinished canvas. It is better than to have him come to my studio and what am I to show him? A few sheets of white papers?
Yes.. for now, my iPad of ideas will be enough to get me through.
'Cool. Looking forward to seeing you again.' Came the reply from Collins.
Okay... tomorrow. Collins' office, then Faye's office. Shall I shave for Faye? Maybe I should.
On the contrary, maybe I shall not. Let her see the sorrow of Cliff's life without Faye.