"So, that means that we just have to kick some serious ass from the beginning!" Greg said with his fists clenched.
"When are we going to catch the cat then?" Kelly asked childishly.
"Don't get stuck with the metaphor-"
***************************
"I see what you're trying to do here, you chimpanzee of an author! Trying to sprinkle salt on my wounds!"
"Greg, don't get angry at our author!"
"How can I stop swearing at that stupid ass, Sean? After the humiliation that he made me endure-"
"But he's still writing this chapter right?"
"Maybe its because we became insanely popular overnight! I'm a charming MC after all!"
"No, I don't think we did got popular! Actually, thank our author! At least he's giving us chance to have a chapter two-"
"Wait! This is an auxiliary chapter, right? Maybe he'll stop writing Greg Tales after this! Shit! After I went into all that trouble to get a novel in my name-"
"That is, if we don't get popular."
"If we get popular, I get to keep the series? Readers, what the hell are you waiting for? Give that greedy chimpanzee what he wants so that we could keep going!"
"You are a greedy bastard too, Greg!"
"I know! Readers, vote and add this to your collection! That damn chimp, making me advertise the novel inside a chapter. I will kill that guy when I get a chance!"
"Greg, don't you think that we went too far on breaking the fourth wall?"
"You're right, back to the main story then!"
***********************************
Greg looked around. Everyone looked greedy.
"These peasants! Everyone are greedy bastards! They are after that money and not the safety of a cute cat!"
"Greg, why are you drooling then?"
Greg suddenly noticed his drool and wiped it off in an instant.
"What are you talking about, Sean? Where?"
"You don't have to act foolish in front of me, Greg! I know your greed."
"Actually, that's one thing I appreciate about you, Sean!"
The butler cleared his throat from the background.
"Everyone, I hope for your victory. And your time starts now!"
Just when everyone heard the whistle from the butler which signified the beginning of the so-called 'Cat Hunt', they had a bloodshot in their eyes.
"Greg, why's everyone's eyes red?"
"Oh, Kelly darling! When will you understand? Finding the cat isn't just the only thing that's important for this hunt. The ground's too small for these people to hunt for the cat. So, obviously they are going to reduce the number of participants."
"Are we going to do that too,Greg?"
"Sean! Baby boy! Get a hint! How long are you going to keep the idiotic straight man character on check?"
"I have nothing to say to you, old geezer."
"Good! Sean! Kelly! Got the tools, right?"
"Yup"
"Let's get straight to it, then!"
Kelly and Sean went directly to the trunk of their old unstable car and took a big bag.
"Oh! Baby-baby! How long has it been since I touched my tools! No, I'm not talking about my gonads!"
Greg looked pleasantly at the contents of the bag. It was right about then, when someone smashed a bottle on his head. Greg was apparently uninjured. It just agitated him more. He looked back at the man who did that.
"Oh boy! I wish you didn't just do that! And what's up with the bottle! Lame! You know what? You're going down first! Sean, give it to me!"
"Here!"
Sean threw a weird gun-like thing to Greg. The man across Greg panicked in an instant.
"What the hell is that? Is that, like, a futuristic gun?"
"This is the future, dumbass! And guns are banned, remember?"
"Then-"
"Well, see for yourself!"
Greg pulled the trigger of the gun thingy and something shot out. The man who got shot was blacked out just like that.
"What's this?"
The friends of the bottle smasher surrounded him while one picked up the ammo of that gun.
"Wait, isn't this-"
"You guessed right. Behold, the indestructible Nokia 3310! And a Nokia launcher I personally prepared!"
"Greg, copyright!"
"What is that Sean?"
"We can't use the product name, Greg!"
"Well, the author's the only one who'll get in trouble! So don't worry! Anyway, are you that guy's friends?"
"Yes."
"Then, you're next!"
Greg then proceeded to bombard the ammo into those people. He, thus wiped out all around him.
"Sean! Kelly! Pick up the ammo!"
"On it!"
"Shit! Out of ammo already!"
"Guys, did you hear that? He's out of ammo! Let's attack that maniac now!"
"HAHAHAHAHA! Did you think that the Nokia launcher was my only weapon?"
Everyone who ran towards Greg realised their mistake. But it was a little too late.
"NOW YOU DIE!"
Greg grabbed the neck of the first man who approached him. He took something from the tools bag that he had around his neck. It was a toy gun.
"WHAT?"
He then placed the toy gun onto the man's mouth. He then pulled the trigger inside and choked the heck out of that man with the toy bullets.
"Crap! Did you see that? That man's dangerous!"
"NO, YOU CAN'T! HAHAHAHA!"
He caught the poor guy who was running by his neck.
"HELP!"
He grabbed the shoulders of the poor guy and-
"Peek-a-boo!"
Greg took the tape gun from his bag and taped him all over. He then pushed the poor guy into the ground.
"No one takes a step forward or else your ass gets whopped!"
Well, there weren't anyone who actually dared to step forth. Greg kept the tape gun back into the bag and took a glue gun and shot the glue at the poor guy's leg.
"Hahaha... SUFFER! SUFFOCATE!"
But nothing happened. He waited and waited but nothing happened.
"Wa....it a min...ute. And-"
A little of the hot glue poured out. It slowly proceeded towards that poor guy's legs.
"Its here! Its here!"
That glue finally poured into the guy's legs! The guy gave out a scream. But a tape was over his mouth. He couldn't even give out a proper scream. Greg laughed sadistically at his misfortune.
"Dude, that guy is EVIL! How can he-"
"I can't even watch him suffer. Poor guy!"
Suddenly a group of ninjas jumped at Greg.
"We'll kill you."
They barged at him all at once. Greg fought each of them valiantly. He even fought for a brief time with his bare hands.
"Two remaining! You guys are pretty fun!"
Greg charged at one of those two ninjas. The one whom Greg was charging pulled his comrade towards him and made him receive Greg's punch. The ninja was knocked out. The other one drew a sword and thrusted it to Greg's hip.
"Oh, you played dirty! I LOVE IT! Well then, let me play it dirty too!"
Greg pulled a water gun and sprayed it into his eyes. The ninja started screaming.
"Pepper spray! You don't know the trouble I went to for actually making this masterpiece. You know ninja-guy, you did hurt me pretty bad. Its only fair to give everything back in ten fold."
Greg took another triggered object from his bag. It was an ear gun.
"What's that? An ear gun?"
Everyone were baffled on what its purpose was. Greg caught the ninja's lips and placed the ear gun in between and shot the hell out. The ninja's lips was pierced. Blood flowed out like the water fall of Niagara.
Greg continued decimating everyone who was at his eye's reach. The last man over there trembled in fear.
"Dude, don't you think that your method is too gory?"
"HAHA! You think this is gore? This is nothing! You should've met me when I was called the Torture Master!"
"Wait! Isn't this torture already?"
"Nowhere close!"
Greg knocked the last man out cold. That was when Sean and Kelly approached him.
"Greg! The police found that cat. Let's catch them before they cash in the cat."
*********************************
"YOU POTTERHEAD!"
"ASSHOLE!"
Well, the two sworn enemies met at last. Harry had the cat in his hand. And Greg wanted that.
"Let's fight."
They both drew their weapons. Greg had the now-fully loaded Nokia launcher and Harry had a fucking AK47. Well, even though guns were banned in US, the police force were allowed to use arms as they were the government's law enforcers.
They both fired their shots out. They were numerous explosions in the middle. The cat, though, was peacefully strolling towards these explosion. Kevon, the head of the police got worried.
"Oleg, stop the fight between those two. Its getting uncontrollable.
"Yes, sir!"
Oleg went towards the police car and took something. A grenade; Oleg took a freaking grenade and threw it at them both.
"What is this? Oh my-"
"A GRENADE! A FUCKING GRENADE!"
The grenade exploded and that left Greg and Harry slightly injured as they avoided most of the blast power.
"Oleg, what the hell?"
"Sir, you asked me to stop the fight between those two. I did."
"I can't blame you though. Its my fault to ask something thoughtful from you!"
"Thank you, sir."
"That was not a compliment."
Meanwhile, Greg and Harry wanted to tear the guts out of each other. But Sean stopped Greg.
"Greg! Stop!"
"What? No! I wanna kill that shithead!"
"Greg don't! Let's escape!"
"Why? I don't understand!"
"The cat died from the explosion!"
"Goodbye Harry! Goodbye Kevon! Goodbye everyone. Sorry for disturbing your peace. We won't interrupt anymore. Let's go Sean and Kelly."
"What the hell is happening?" wondered the whole police force as they saw Greg and party vanish into the distance.
The police force later cursed the hell out of Greg when they actually found out about the truth! They suffered grave consequences. That too, for a cat!
******************************
Greg's house;
Greg received an email.
"Huh, an email from BigBooblover67890. Wait, I know who that is! Chimp, isn't that you? What do you want?"
"Greg, how many times do I have to tell you not to call our author a chimp?"
"Well, it doesn't matter. Let me read... WAIT, WHAT?!? No one knows who we are?!? And we gotta introduce ourselves again? And the chapter 1 of volume 1 will only arrive if people love the other two chapters? Readers, again, what are you waiting for? Vote for Greg Tales! Comment your voices against our idiot author for the way he's treating me, his main character! And maybe add the novel to your library. Quench our greedy author's thirst if you love knowing about us. See you soon... Or will we?"