In a quiet corner of a bustling cafe, a lone figure sat quietly assesing her environment. to anybody she may seem to be enjoying the view but on a closer look one would see the tears gathering in her eyes. all she wanted was to hurry right back to her little child lying sick in the hospital but it seems her sister Mariah had a mind of her own in the matter because she seems to want her out of the hospital.

"Amber? " she could hear someone calling her but her mind was far gone. not up until she felt a light tap on her shoulder did she turn around to find her sister staring down at her with a solemn look on her face.

"Amber, she will be fine. dont give up just yet"

"I just hope she will, she's all i've got" she replied in a little voice while turning her gaze back to the bustling city of california.

even though they hoped and prayed, they both knew deep down that little lily wouldn't make it because the doctors had told them so. she needed a heart transplant urgently but the money they had could barely pay her bills. and no one was willing to sponsor her surgery.

when they were done drinking their coffee, they both left the cafe and made their way back to the hospital. but on reaching lilys' room they saw the doctors and nurses rushing in and out of it and Amber could hear them spewing medical terms that she could care less about. she knew that something was terribly wrong but when she asked , a nurse told her to calm down and that they were on it. and after 30 minutes of medical frenzy, the doctor finally came out and told them that Lily was in a stable condition. Amber wasted no time in rushing into the room to find the steady beeping of the heart monitor and a sleeping lily.

Hours later in the dead of the night, Amber felt Lily stirring awake and reapetedly calling for her.

"shhhh!! i'm here baby"

"mu.. mummy? "

"yes sweet, i'm right here baby"

"i wana gwo home" she said in her baby voice.

" shhh!! stop talking, just drink some water" Amber said while guiding the glass of water to Lilys lips, because she was too frail and weak to hold onto it. and after drinking some water, Lily called for her again.

"mummy, where's daddy? "

"daddy is far away baby" Amber replied while gently smothing her hair.

"why mummy? "

"because he's away doing big boys stuff"

"okay mummy, i wyove u mummy"

" i love you too Angel eyes" Amber replied with a sad smile

"mummy can i pwease have shome ish-cweam pwease"

"c'mon baby you know your doctor said no ice-cream"

"he'sh a big meanie mummy, pwease."

"okay baby just a little scoop won't hurt. mummy will be right back"

"owkay"

Amber left the room to go get the ice-cream, but on her way back she heard the loud beeping of the heart monitor once more. when she got inside, she saw lily lying as stiff as a board, but while she was trying to shake her awake some nurses and a doctor rushed into the room and ushered her out amidst her tears and refusal to leave.

after some minutes the doctor came out with a blank face and said the exact words Amber had been dreading to hear....

"i'm sorry, we tried all we could, but she's gone"

and for the second time in her life, she felt her heart shatter and her world fall apart before her eyes.

..............................

lilys funeral was a small affair, only close family members were present and since Amber had no friends, the funeral consisted of her parents, sister, brother, Lilys puppy and the priest.

after the funeral, Amber couldn't bring herself to leave cos she felt like she was leaving lily all alone in that lonely graveyard. she was so engrossed in staring at the head stone that read.

"Lily Bella Johan"

"September 12, 2010 -- July 16 2014"

that she didn't even notice her mum standing beside her

"Amber dear, its okay to miss her, we all do. be strong baby, atleast now she is in heaven with her fellow little Angels but most of all, now shes at peace away from hospitals and scary syringes"

All Amber did to acnowledge her mother was a little nod. because she knew that it was not okay, nothing about losing her baby was okay. all that went through her mind were various what ifs:

what if she had the money for the surgery would lily had survived?.....

what if she had gotten a sponsor would lily still be here????

But most of all, what if she had never fallen for Xavier Lee King,,, would she had sufered as much as she has???

probably not, but she also wouldn't have had Lily,, her precious little lily whom was currently lying cold six feet below the ground.

"I hate you Xavier" Amber muttered below her breath.

"i hate you soo much for everything you've done to me, and for all you've taken from me" Amber could feel the tears steadily streaming down her face but she could care less what the world had to say about it, because she was broken, shattered even. Xavier broke her, but lily shattered her.

and as if the cosmos could feel her pain, the dark clouds that had been gathering earlier released its content. the droplets fell on her face mingling with her tears.

"Amber, we have to leave its turning into a storm"

and as if to confirm her mother's words, there was a crack of thunder and even if She had always been scared of thunder storms, Amber didnt dare move a muscle because she didn't want to leave lily all alone. seconds later she felt herself being lifted bridal style by her brother and later gently deposited in the car. but even as the mini van got into motion, Amber kept on looking back at the cemetry and she could have sworn that she saw lily in the storm. only when the graveyard was out of sight did she finally turn back around. but as soon as she did, she burst into tears once more.