"He said he was taking today off, didn't he tell you?"
No. No, he didn't. I wanted to say out loud, but I instead gave Mr. Philip a small smile before thanking him for the information. I'd asked him where Toby was. I'd gotten worried since he hadn't shown up to work yet, and he was never late. I headed back to the art room, letting out a loud sigh as I took the seat behind my desk.
Why isn't he picking up his calls? I asked myself, biting my bottom lip in worry as I tried to call his number repeatedly. I still didn't get an answer, so I eventually settled on texting him. I asked him how he was, and what he was doing before I put my phone away. I tried to busy myself with the classes I had, but I always ended up turning my gaze to the door, as if waiting for Toby to just walk right through it — he never did.
At the end of the school day, I packed up my things and left the art room. I briefly thought about if it would be appropriate for me to show up at his house unannounced. I eventually decided that I'd go visit him, so I took the bus to a stop about two blocks away from the apartment complex he lived in. I walked the rest of the way to his place, and when I got into the building I walked up the stairs before stopping on the fourth floor where his apartment was located.
After a while of just staring at the wooden door, I knocked. I knocked again when I didn't receive a reply, and I repeated the action since I didn't get an answer after that either. I was about to give up and leave, but I decided to turn the handle only for the door to click open, making me look on in surprise.
Huh. He left his door open. I walked into the small living room, looking about the place in search of any sign of Toby. Everything from the Aztec styled wallpaper, to the glass cups arranged in the cupboard by the kitchen area, was still in place.
Great, so it's not a robbery. I thought to myself as I left the living room area, walking into the small hallway that led to his studio and bedroom. I opened the door of the art room, only to get disappointed when I didn't find him there. I sighed, walking over to his room door just across. I turned the knob, and the door creaked open.
Toby was laying down on his bed — he was probably asleep since he didn't make any movements when I closed the door behind myself after walking in. Duke was there with him, but the dog was awake and currently just staring at me from its position on the bed.
"I came to check up on him," I muttered, for whatever reason feeling like I had to explain myself to the greyhound. Duke sat up on the queen-sized bed when I began to walk towards them. The dog kept observing me, and I eventually made to sit down at the edge of the bed. Toby looked worn out. His face was red, and I wondered if it would be okay for me to wake him up.
A small smile made its way to my lips when I heard him mutter my name under his breath. I wondered if he knew I was here, and just was too tired to move yet — or was he having a dream? I let myself think as I used my fingers to push away strands of his brown hair that had clung to his face due to sweating. I then got up and headed to open his windows before turning on the fan at the corner. The summer heat had a way of fluctuating, he might have started sleeping when it was cooler. Looking back at him, I decided to wait for him to get up on his own.
Duke's eyes followed me as I rearranged the window curtains and pulled the covers that Toby had buried himself in down a bit. The greyhound eventually followed me out of the room and into the living room. I headed to the area that served as a kitchen and dished out some dog food for Duke. I wondered if Toby had been asleep all day, or whether he'd come back from somewhere a while ago and was now taking a rest.
It took a while, but Toby eventually emerged out of his room. His eyes widened a bit when he saw me, but his expression was soon replaced with a smile.
"Hi," he muttered, walking into the living room before heading over to me. I got up, making to pull him into a hug.
"What happened?" I asked, making a reference to him not coming to work today. He tightened the hug, resting his head on mine.
"I took the day off to go for an appointment I made," he answered, muttering into my hair as I just stared past his shoulder. "I went to see my therapist for the first time. I thought it was time to take steps in the right direction," he continued before pulling away from me. He stared at me with his deep brown eyes, and I made to mirror the smile on his face. I reached out to take his face in my hands before pulling him down for a kiss. He leaned in, kissing me softly.
"I'm happy that you're looking for help — I'm happy you're doing that," I said when we broke the kiss. He nodded, running a hand through my hair as he looked down at me.
"She — my therapist told me it wasn't my fault."
"It wasn't."
Toby didn't reply to my words, but his smile widened as he pulled me into a hug.
"Why didn't you tell me?" I asked, wondering why he hadn't at least called or texted me to inform me of what was going on.
"I didn't want you to worry," he said, tightening his hold on me. I sighed into the hug, wrapping my arms around him as well. We stayed like that for a while, then we eventually pulled away from each other.
"For how long will you be seeing her?" I asked as I followed Toby to the Kitchen area.
"I'm meeting her once a week for now," he answered, making me nod at him before I joined him by the fake marble counter. I helped him out with making dinner — chicken tenders with salad on the side. We went up with the food when it was done, and we ate in his studio as I watched him work on his current painting. Toby had done a series of paintings since we'd gotten closer, and I could see a level of life in them that I hadn't been in his other ones.
When we were done eating we headed to his bedroom. I sat on his bed as I watched him clean about. Duke had been locked out since he was notorious for making a mess. I chuckled to myself as I heard the dog whining from the other end of the door as he clawed at it.
"Can I just let him in?"
"No," Toby said in a firm tone as he shook his head at my suggestion. He dropped the pair of trousers he'd been folding on the bed, looking over at the door before rolling his eyes. I laughed at his reaction, watching as he continued what he was doing.
"He messes things up just to get on my nerves. He only does it when I'm cleaning up, so I know it's intentional," Toby said, making me chuckle again as I smiled at him. I'd taken my shoes off, and I was now sitting on his bed yoga style. After he put everything he'd folded away he joined me on the bed, giving me a small peck before laying down.
"I'm tired," he yawned, watching me with half-closed eyes. I was still sitting up on the bed, and I eventually laid down beside him before cuddling up to his frame. He welcomed me with open arms, hugging me to himself.
"It's great that you went to see a therapist," I repeated into the hug as Toby kissed my forehead.
"You suggested it," he muttered. "Besides, I'm trying to be the best I can be for you — I want to feel like I actually deserve having you. You're a wonderful person," he added, running his hand over my arm. I smiled at him, feeling a bit sleepy, and it was probably because it was nearing late evening.
Toby leaned into me, kissing me softly, and I reached out to take his face in my hands. I pulled him in to deepen the kiss, and we didn't pull away after a short while like we usually did. No, the kiss became deeper and more aggressive, and I soon found my heart racing as I tried to keep up with the long open mouth snug. I felt touchy all around — sensitive and aroused.
"Caleb," Toby called out in a low tone when we broke the kiss. My eyes were wide open now. Every ounce of sleep I'd felt left my body to be replaced with excitement. It seemed to be the same way for Toby since his eyes were wide open, and he was giving me a look that made me flustered.
"I love you," he said as he ran the base of his thumb along my cheek. He then pulled me closer to him, before running a hand along my frame before letting it settle just above the band of my trousers. "I love you so much."
"Do you mind?" Toby suddenly asked as he tugged at the band of my jeans a little. I shook my head, watching him smile at me as he made to unzip my pants before pulling them off with a little help from me. I suddenly felt shy when I was just in my boxer briefs and a loose shirt. Toby ran his hand over my naked legs, taking his hand away to pull me into a hug. I could feel my heart beat quicken, and I could feel his do the same thing since my hand was between the two of us, resting on his clothed chest.
"Do you understand what's happening?" Toby's question rang through my now clouded mind. I felt like I had pins all over my body, and I felt like any touch from Toby would send me bursting into flames. Toby put his leg over mine, making me feel him against my thigh.
Of course, I knew what was happening.
And I wanted it — I wanted it more than Toby would ever know.
"Yes..." I finally replied to his question, letting the hand I had between us sneak under his shirt. I let my hand feel his chest. It was slightly hairy, and I loved the feel of his firm rising and falling stomach against my palm. The atmosphere was tense, and both our breathing had hiked up.
"Are you okay with it?" he asked, sitting up on the bed before pulling me into his lap. I stared at him, nodding before watching as he took his shirt off.
"If you ever want me to stop, please tell me," he said in a small cracked voice as he helped me take off my shirt before running his hands over my chest. I could feel myself shivering as well as the pressure between my thighs increasing.
"The last thing I would want to do in this world is to hurt you," he said before leaning in to kiss me deeply.
The evening went by in a mess of moans and touches. It was blissful — every, and anything I'd ever hoped for. Toby was gentle, considerate and wonderful to me. At the end of it all, we just hugged each other under the covers.
Toby cried.
I wasn't sure what for, but the smile he had on his face while he cried made me calm down since it told me that his tears weren't ones of sadness.
"I love you — I don't deserve you."
I hugged him even closer at his words, letting him cry. I felt a bit helpless since I didn't know any other way to comfort him. Toby was a wonderful person, and I wished that sometime in the near future he'd accept that he deserved everything good thing in his life, but all I could do for now was hold him — love him.