The room was so quiet as two souls locking gaze with each other. While Tsubaki appeared stunned, Ren was full of a smile despite his lack of vitality. His fingers were too warm once they touched her face but she didn't shy away from the contact.
Tsubaki tried to smile but it didn't reach her eyes.
"Sweetheart, what's wrong?" Seeing her smile faltered sent him into a light panic. Did she get sick?
"No... it's nothing," Tsubaki quickly laughed to ease the mood. "Eat first, darling. You still have to take your medicine."
"But..."
Ren was baffled. He didn't expect to see her trying to conceal the sadness on her face. Her eyes were murky under the soft light of the lamps above them. He looked at her silently.
His gaze was so deep and profound, making her unconsciously averted her eyes from him. Tsubaki pursed her lips. In the end, she decided to tell what was bothering her.
He was sick. She shouldn't add unnecessary worry in his mind.
"Some times, I can't help but feel sorry when you're the only one who remembers our past," She lowered her gaze to the white porridge. Her voice was so soft, it was like she was speaking to herself. Her hand moved slowly as she was still stirring the porridge. "I'm sorry, darling."
Ren wanted to speak but he stopped himself before he slowly nodded in understanding. He reached out for the spoon in her hand. He scooped some of the porridge from the surface and brought it to her lips. Tsubaki's lips parted slightly. Her eyes were questioning his action.
A ghost of a smile held on his lips, reassuring her that everything was okay and there was nothing she should be disheartened about.
"Sweetheart," Ren was still smiling, his voice was filled with tenderness as he added, "Even though our past is important but our future is far more valuable. Let me be the one to tell you of our memories together as we reminisce our time. We could create better memories, alright?"
Without saying anything, Tsubaki nodded before she obediently ate the porridge he fed her. After three scoops, she shook her head indicating she didn't want to eat anymore.
"It's your turn now, darling. I've had some porridge left if you still want it," Tsubaki quickly took the spoon from his hand. She blew softly over the warm porridge, letting it cool down. She then brought the spoon to his lips. "Here. I'll feed you."
Seeing her worried gaze, Ren smiled again. He began eating, the sweet taste of the chicken and corn porridge spread in his mouth. It was at the moment he finally realized how much in hunger he was. At first, he fed her because the spoon was still clean.
Tsubaki patiently waited for her husband to swallow down the porridge. She had cut the chicken into small pieces so it shouldn't be a problem for him to eat it. But, his throat was still sore so it would still be difficult for him to enjoy it.
"I've prepared ginger and honey tea for you. Drink it before you go back to sleep, okay?" Tsubaki scooped another spoon of porridge. Ren nodded as he ate.
Seeing how warmly she treated him when he was sick, an indescribable feeling surged up in his heart. Ren was ashamed to admit it but he felt like tearing up with the love and kindness she showered him.
As Toshiro had said, he was a stubborn person even when he was sick. He would make sure nobody knew about it and just continued doing his work or silently took a short nap if he could. Grandma would always nag him whenever she found out but he would turn on deaf ears and isolating himself in his room.
"Wow! Hubby! You ate all of it," Tsubaki laughed gleefully once she realized the bowl was wiped clean by her husband. Her eyes lit up with joy, the gloom from earlier had faded from her face.
"It's delicious," Ren instinctively smiled after being infected with her laugh. He was glad when the dimness vanished from her gaze. It returned to her usual brightness.
Ren proceeded to take the medicine. His brows furrowed slightly as he tasted the bitterness of the pills. It was different from the bitterness of his favorite coffee but he still swallowed down all of them. After he finished the tea brewed by Tsubaki, his sleepiness caught up to him.
"Sleep, darling," Tsubaki placed the empty bowl and cup on the tray. She adjusted his position and tucked him under the blanket. "I'm going to wash the dishes first. Call me if you need anything, okay?"
"Just leave them for tomorrow, sweetheart," Ren pried his eyes open in difficulty, his dark gaze landed on her. "It's late already. You should go and rest. I'll be fine once I wake up."
When Ren was reminded of how easily tired she was once she was pregnant, his heart was heavy as he watched her still moving here and there for his sake. He was the one who should take care of her, not the other way around.
"No," Tsubaki shook her head, her smile hadn't left her face. "I'm good. You're the one who should rest."
Ren smiled guiltily at her. He felt like all his energy had been drained from his body. Even the act of raising his hand to hold hers felt painful.
Tsubaki glanced at her wrist where his broad hand encircled it. Maybe it was a fleeting moment of braveness or she just wanted him to not worry, but she did something that widened his eyes in shock.
She leaned over and gently kissed his lips. His thin lips felt so hot against hers due to his fever.
"Tsubaki!" Ren was startled. How could she do it? He was still sick. What if she got infected by him?
Tsubaki laughed freely. She tenderly caressed his face, there was only love and adoration in her bright eyes. "Stop feeling sorry, silly! Just focus to get healthy, okay? I still need you to pamper me."
Ren was in a daze for a moment before a loud laugh broke his stupor. He shook his head, trying to control his laughter. His dainty wife was so unpredictable!
"Alright, I won't disturb you anymore." Tsubaki patted his cheeks before she stood up from the bed. "Sleep well, darling."
Ren smiled. He nodded once as he lightly squeezed her hand. "Thank you, sweetheart."
Tsubaki returned the smile. Before she left, she once again kissed his forehead. His eyes closed shut slowly under the feeling of her soft lips.
Once she saw him slept, a sigh of relief escaped her lips. She brought the dirty dishes downstairs. As she washed them, she was reminded of her conversation with Akashi earlier. A sense of curiosity started budding in her heart.
This won't do. I should do something.
Tsubaki wiped her damp hands using a towel. After turning off all the lights downstairs, she returned to the bedroom. Ren was sleeping deeply, earning a relieved smile from her. She stepped away from the room, heading in another direction.
Her hand stopped in front of the doorknob of her husband's study. She clenched her hand, trying to calm herself despite the thundering sound of her heartbeats. Tsubaki took a deep breath. She placed her hand on the metal doorknob, her hand moved slowly to open it. From the tiny opening of the door, only darkness greeted her sight.
Tsubaki opened the door wide. She turned on the lights, her gaze landed on the wide working table at the center of the spacious study. Her steps were heavy as she walked toward the table. A white paper bag was placed at one of the corners of the table.
All of her Mom's diaries and the postcards were in there.
Tsubaki hesitated for a moment before she took out the postcards tied together with a white thin rope from the paper bag. As if she was afraid she would back down, Tsubaki quickly stepped out from the study with the postcards were still in her hands.
I shouldn't be tormented by this. I have my own family now. I need to settle this matter as soon as I can and put it to rest behind me.
In the bedroom, Tsubaki stared at her sleeping husband. Her lips twisted with a rueful smile. This man had sacrificed so much for her. As he had always been there for her, she needed to be strong for herself too.
Tsubaki slowly sat on the edge of the bed, her back facing Ren. She crouched her body slightly as she looked at the postcards in her hands. Her fingers were trembling when she untied the rope. The postcards fell onto her lap.
There's no going back. It's time to deal with this.
She picked the postcard with the earliest date. The illustration of a shrine with New Year's celebration came into her view. Her lips were pursed into a straight line. Tsubaki turned her head, landing her gaze on her husband.
He looked so peaceful in his sleep.
A soft smile came to her lips. Tsubaki reached out one of her hands, touching his warm arm. The touch helped to calm her nerves. It was as if a little bit of his strength got transferred to her. She gently squeezed his arm before she let the touch go.
Tsubaki looked again at the postcard. She slowly flipped it to the side. Familiar handwriting materialized in front of her. Her eyes fell down on the first sentence.