The dinner was served at 6 in the evening and it was really a relief for me. Why? I was stuck being with them since 2 in the afternoon and I've been silent for the whole 4 hours. It feels like I experience a throat drought. Thanks to the wine they serve during the time they were talking because I was able to enjoy myself by looking at the view where the sunset really gives a different kind of beauty.
I am not really sure why Calyx invited me. They were talking about business. Most of the time, Uno, Dos, Zero and Calyx were the only one talking. Sometimes, Lucien, Ben, and Kaiser butts in the middle of the conversation. And of course, the most silent person award goes to me and to Pryce.
Everyone started to dig in after all the foods were served. Everyone was silent during the whole meal. And I can feel the tension rising between me and to the 7 guys around me. Except for Calyx.
"I really never thought you got married for real." I almost choke when Uno started talking. I glared at him and give him my what-the-fuck-look.
To all the boys I befriended, only Uno can make me feel in rage. Like, I hate his guts and confidence. I even hate him when he started talking shitty things. Like this. And I know, he is trying to understand what is happening in my freaking life. He is trying to trigger me so that I could tell them what happened to me for the past 3 years.
And I wish, it was easy for me to tell.
"I thought it was just for a publicity. I thought you were just playing a prank to our family. To annoy them." Kaiser said in a serious tone. Like he can't just believe that what he thought as a rumor is true. "I never thought it was really true because you promised Jillian to marry her." Kaiser looks straight into my eyes while saying those things. I gulped. Pain starting to crawl inside my heart. My eyes starting to tear up. "But you broke that promise and marry her." He finished his sentence with an insult straight to my face.
Kaiser will always be Kaiser. Tch.
I fake a smile and mentally slap myself to stop myself from feeling the pain that starts to eats my heart and brain. I understand why he looks at me with so much disappointment. I understand because he doesn't know everything. He doesn't know what happened why this marriage happened.
"Some things changed, Kaiser." Calyx replied as he meant it. But I know he is just making it up. I can't even feel something from what he just said. It was just a plain defense to stop Kaiser from insulting me.
"Really? What made you change your mind then? I really wonder." Kaiser's eyes didn't leave me. He wants me to defend myself.
I look each of them and I can see they are also waiting for me to defend myself but I just smiled at them and keep my mouth shut.
I didn't defend myself like I always did before. I just continued eating and stop caring about my surrounding. This is too much for me. I am not even ready to face all of them. I ignore all their stares and shut my world.
They surrendered and for the meantime, I won the game.
AFTER the dinner, we decided to go home right after. I was too tired of doing nothing that I didn't even argue with Calyx when he said I am going with him. He will just ask his driver to bring my car at home. So I went directly to his car and didn't wait for him to open the door for me.
"What is wrong with you?" Calyx snapped when he got inside the car. He looks mad and confused. And I don't know why he is confused.
"What?" I innocently ask.
He groaned and loosen his tie. "You changed... a lot." his voice was rough and he sounds so tired. My brow raised.
"Why do you care?"
He immediately turns to me with a surprised look.
"Why do I care?" he repeats it like he was really surprised and I don't know why.
"You don't need to care." I sighed. This is what I've been avoiding since we got married. Damn this! "I am doing this changes for your own sake, Calyx. You should be thankful. I didn't make you feel like this marriage is hell for you."
I guess he was shocked when I said those because he got silent for a while. I just close my eyes to stop looking at him. I don't wanna see his face. If I did look at him, I might kiss him.
Argh. I feel like kissing him tonight.
THE next day, I woke up feeling so empty. I went to the kitchen and I wasn't even surprised when I saw Calyx in the kitchen preparing breakfast. He looks up at me when he notices me.
He flashes a smile at me that made me stop.
I stare at him. His smile is still plastered on his face. It feels like my world stops just because of it. It's the first he smiled at me. It was genuine and sincere. It even makes him more handsome. His perfect chiseled face, almond eyes, thin lips, high aquiline nose, thick brows, and messy hair makes him perfect in my eyes.
But suddenly, his handsome face and sweet smile can't remove the emptiness I feel inside me. I let out a breathe and walk away.
I even saw a glimpse of how Calyx smile fades before I totally got out from his sight.
I went to back my room, took a quick shower and prepare myself to go to school. I need to go to school. I have to get out of this house for a while. My whole system is starting to get complicated again and I don't think I can handle being with Calyx for a long time.
Calyx made me strong but weak at the same time. I was crazy in love with him and I am still in love with him right now. It just that, I am not showy anymore. I learned to keep my own feelings and it starting to drown me. Being married to him for 3 months now and keeping my craziness away from him is making me even crazier.
It was true that keeping what you really feel makes you feel insane. And I'm almost out of my sanity of being like this.
"Where are you going?" I stop from what I'm doing when I heard Calyx. I turn to him where I saw him standing and leaning to the doorway with his cross arms.
"School." I replied and applied some tint to my cheeks and lips. I lick my lips when I'm done.
When I turned to Calyx, he is looking at me intently. He is already standing straightly and I don't know what he is thinking right now because his aura is different from what I used to.
"I'm not gonna eat breakfast. I have to go."
I was about to get passed through him when he grabs my arm. I catch my breath when I feel his rough hands in my skin. I cursed in my head because my feelings for him is getting stronger because of what he is doing right now and if he continues to act like this, I don't know what will happen. Damn it Calyxander!
"Let go of me." my voice almost sounds like a whisper. My voice is low and I feel like I want to do what I usually do to him before. Like grabbing him and kissing him. But my self-control right now is dominating me which I am thankful. I can't lose my self-control because of him touching me.
"We need to talk." he sounded serious. Like dead serious. But he also sounds careful. Like he doesn't want to be sound scary like what he always treat me.
If I am still the same girl who is so obsessed with him, I would really grab this opportunity to do something crazy with him. But I cleared my throat and I am the one who removed his hand in my arm. I let go from his grip.
"I don't want to talk to you." Then I walk out. I even run so that he couldn't follow me. Not minding what he would think about me. I really look like a brat kid who tries to run away from my strict parents just to do what I want to in my life. I didn't even do this kind of stuff at my own home, with my family but now, I feel like I am back being a kid again.
But this is the best thing I could do right now. I need to keep my distance away from him. I need to clear my head. I need to think. If I stay in our house, I will go crazy thinking about him and about how we should treat each other as a married couple. There are a lot of things that I need to consider now and I can't think if Calyx is around me.
I hope I would never ever regret keeping my distance away from him.