Securing the final hairpin, Nanny Na took a step back in admiration.
Han Aeng was dolled up for her departure. Dressed in Shangwei's wedding attire, her hair was pulled back into a complicated bun, carefully decorated with exquisite accessories, including a heavy headpiece.
Without her everyday braid, Han Aeng seemed more mature. Dressed in red, she felt like a woman, not the little girl Nanny Na had been looking after these 17 years, but a young woman, old enough to be married off.
Nanny Na's eyes burned, trying to hold back her tears. Countless times she had imagined herself helping her daughter prepare for this big day. Alas, things never went the way she planned, and Nanny Na never got to fulfil her dreams. She knew she'd prepare this child for marriage, but never in her wildest dreams did she expect the little girl to get married so early.
It felt too surreal, as if history was repeating itself!
Nanny Na crouched next to Han Aeng, softly whispering, "You look just like your mother, so elegant and real. She would be proud of your bravery today."
Han Aeng looked at the older woman through the mirror. "Do you think my mother would have felt the same way when she did what she had to? She had to make a rather big decision when choosing to have me. Well, it's not like she was given a choice either."
She stood up and turned to face Nanny Na with a smile, "Do you think it was worth it, Nanny?"
Nanny Na's stifled at Han Aeng's question.
Was it worth it? My child, if only you knew how heavy those words truly were.
Nanny Na knew things even Han Aeng didn't know about her life, so she was the only one who could articulate the effort and worth of what everyone surrendered.
Nanny Na's eyes grew faint as she held Han Aeng's soft hands in her coarse ones, "I'm not sure if she thought that way. But I wouldn't have it any other way. Her sacrifice meant I got to raise this beautiful girl sitting in front of me."
"I guess everyone would be happy to have me in their life. I'm a ball of sunshine." Han Aeng patted Nanny Na on the shoulder and headed out of her room.
Nanny Na forced a smile: indeed, a ball of sunshine that cleared the storm she was.
Han Aeng walked to find Prime Minister Han paced back and forth, lost in thought with anticipation. She helplessly smiled at her father's antics.
"Hem," she cleared her throat to get his attention and lightly twirled around, showcasing her red dress. "How do I look?"
Prime Minister Han turning around to see her meeting his eyes with a brilliant smile. He opened his mouth, but the words didn't form as he wanted them to. It was wretched because he had so much he wanted to tell her.
He wanted to tell her how proud and delightful it was to have her as his daughter and how he didn't want to let her go. He knew he couldn't fight what was coming, but it was human nature to want to clutch onto things that make us feel alive. Even now, he was very tempted to just run away with her and live in the mountains of Nonnan, but his rational side wouldn't let him. She would be safer in a foreign land than in her own, and that was the reality of it all.
"Well..." she probed, moving close to him.
Anxious his emotional status would not let him utter a single word without breaking down, Prime Minister Han clenched his jaw tighter.
Aeng didn't push him any further but waited patiently till he collected himself as the wedding nannies rushed around to bring her veil.
Han Aeng's veil was decored with two cranes to match her dress's handiwork. It was a systematic decision as cranes have long been symbols of longevity, peace, friendship, happiness and good luck - all prominent themes for this alliance. Moreover, since cranes mate for life, they further symbolize harmony, a long marriage, and respect for one's parents and ancestors - everything Prime Minister Han wishes for in this marriage.
He took the decorated veil from the wedding nanny and placed it over Han Aeng's head.
It was bittersweet; it was a moment Prime Minister Han longed for, but reality wasn't as glorious as he had hoped.
Parent's placing a veil over the bride's head was of immense significance in Jeontu's custom as its a mark of her virginity, pureness, and youthfulness. Most importantly, it signifies that her parent's permitted her to go to her husband's household.
As Prime Minister Han fiddled with her veil, he mustered up the courage to mumble, "As gorgeous as the day I first saw you in your mother's arms."
Han Aeng tilted her head to the side, "Surely I was covered in blood at that time, and you still found me pretty?"
"A father doesn't care about a little blood when his adorable baby girl is breathing right in front of him."
"What can I say, even blood can hide my radiating cuteness."
Prime Minister Han smiled bitterly; taking Han Aeng's hand, he guided her to her sedan without saying another word.
He couldn't deny that while she was right next to him, walking alongside him, their steps matching, she felt so far away.
He was always so self-assured that he would always know her the best - they had a lifetime together to look forward to. Now it just seems like the wishful thinking of an old man. The two hadn't stayed together as long as he'd like. Yes, they wrote to each other, and she visited when she could, but it's undeniable that he wasn't there. For half her life, he was out defending the borders, and he regretted it every day.
He regretted not being there; for losing the chance to be by her side during the brightest time of her life. Thus he cherished every moment they spent after that, but even this time was cut short.
"I want you to know, no matter what, you'll always be my little girl. I don't care what other people say or think. You're my daughter before anything else." Without noticing, he began to pat her hands, assuring her he meant every word he spoke. "If things get hard in your husband's household, don't hold back or be wary of the outcomes. Your father is more than capable of defending you."
Han Aeng dragged her lips up as her heart clenched around itself. "... Abeoji, you said it. I will crawl back to you after causing trouble-" her words were cut short when her father unexpectedly stopped moving.
"Just know," he swallowed, "I will be here for you."
She tried her level best to remain as chirpy and cheerful as possible, but her father's heartbroken voice felt estranged. A string of something similar to guilt tightened around her heart "...Mmm."
Shifting her gaze around herself, she had one question floating in her head: was she really going to abandon everything she knew and loved?
The gravity of the situation finally hit her: she was leaving, and she couldn't come back.
She was going to an alien land to be a stranger's wife, and that was her reality. It only took a moment for everything she's avoided to finally come crashing down on her. The anxiety of getting married and the reluctance to move away from home.
Despite being by her own will, Han Aeng hated to part ways.
Nonetheless, she understood the severity of the situation at bay because she understood what would happen if this alliance failed. If she failed. There was nothing she could do but steel her heart and prepare for a new chapter of her life.
Before getting into the sedan, she turned to face her father. "I look forward to whatever Shangwei offers me, Abeoji. I'm not a weak little girl anymore. So don't worry about me."
Prime Minister Han's shoulders dropped.
Even now, she's worried about me.
Feeling his being sullen, she opted for a much more playful tone, "If you ask me, I know how to handle myself pretty well."
"That is exactly why I'm worried. Heavens only know if you'll play pranks on the Emperor himself."
"Look at that. You read my mind again."
The two laughed together before falling silent, exchanging nothing but the moment they were together.
"Sheez, we're acting like we won't see each other when we're at Shangwei. Let's get going before we miss the auspicious day. I can already see the wedding nanny losing her mind."
Prime Minister Han nodded in agreement and helped her into the sedan.
On the other hand, Nanny Na, watching the scene, began reliving what she had seen 10 years ago. The little girl's eyes adorned with the look of dread and grief and the young man forced to accept reality. However, their roles were reversed; Han Aeng was leaving, and Prime Minister Han was bidding his farewell.
Heavens, if you can hear my prayer, let my child be safe.
The delegation consisting of Prime Minister Han, Nanny Na and the bride-to-be at the centre departed that day.