After hearing that Lu AnLing was moving to France, Mo Sheng had a decision to make himself.
Stay in T City, or go back to America.
The decision shouldn't have been so hard. He had never planned on staying in T City forever, but after having seen his parents once again, Mo Sheng was feeling a bit reluctant to leave them.
But Lu AnLing was leaving. He his duty was done here and besides...
If he stayed, would he ever be able to be his true self...?
This thought began to fester deep within him. He no longer smiled as much as he used to, though he forced himself to try. He didn't practice his music as he used to. This was something his parents noticed and they slightly hounded him about it but Mo Sheng brushed it off. And then, after a week he began feeling awkward by just looking at his mother's face.
One day, at a rare dinner, when Mo Yichen had come home early, Mo Sheng picked at his food. He ate slowly, trying to force himself to swallow despite his nonexistent hunger.
Mo Sheng was skinnier and pale now. He had not had a proper meal in days, and finding peace in his sleep was few and far between.
Several times he had considered leaving in the night so that he wouldn't need to face his parent's expressions when he told them he would be leaving and most likely never coming back. But Mo Sheng never had the guts to break his parent's hearts in such a way.
They were caring and simple people. They loved him and that was easy to see. But Mo Sheng could still not tell them the most important thing...
"Have you found a girlfriend yet? Should I start setting you up on some Marriage interviews?" Mo Yichen asked with a slight laugh.
Madame Mo, who sat close beside Mo Yichen tilted her head his way and then said, "I thought you were going to stop with those."
He then looked at Madame Mo and said, "Yes. Jun convinced me that Sheng was too young and in his prime to marry... but I feel a bit left out. Everyone is getting children or grandchildren. I was to hold a cute child in my arms."
Hearing this, Madame Mo smiled. Mo Yichen was not completely serious by his words. She knew this so she hadn't planned on answering, but suddenly, out of the corner of her eye she saw Mo Sheng's face turned ashen for a second. The boy was frozen in time for only a moment without drawing a single breath, but then he suddenly took a deep breath and said,
"No need to rush me. I'm working on it! Good girls are hard to find these days. I'm trying to pick a good daughter in law for you guys..." The words came out in Mo Sheng's usual joking yet polite manner but when Madame Mo looked into her son's eyes, all she saw was abysmal darkness.
Feeling her maternal instincts kick in, Madame Mo kicked Mo Yichen under the table. As he winced and looked at her with many questions in his eyes, Madame Mo said,
"Don't pressure him! We don't need grandchildren just yet. If you want to hold a baby, go hold your soon to be born nephew or niece. I bet Kang Jun and AnLing won't mind."
Seeing his wife so adamant, Mo Yichen laughed guiltily and then he stood up from his chair. Mo Yichen went over to wrap his arms around his wife and then kiss her head gently.
"You're right. You're right." Mo Yichen cooed. He then raised his head and gazed towards his son, "I'm sorry."
Feeling the gaze like a stab in the chest, Mo Sheng felt himself choke.
His father had nothing to be sorry for... parents had those feeling and it's not like his parents had ever truly forced him to do anything. They were kind and trustworthy and accepting, and yet why... why couldn't he speak. Why couldn't he tell them his deepest secrets?
Looking at his mother and father who embraced innocently, Mo Sheng's eyes fell on their expressions. They were angelic. They were perfect.
And then there was him...
When Mo Sheng first began his studies in America, things were great. He was having fun with a big group of friends ever night. They were going to clubs, drinking, dancing and stumbling back home at 4 am with just enough time to drink some more and then sleep at least two hours before class.
Mo Sheng was enjoying his youth in a way he had never experienced before. He was underage back in T City and he was still underaged in America but on his first week on campus, he had made a male friend who made fake ID's and the two immediately hit it off.
The first day he had met the man, he had examined Mo Sheng with his sparkling eyes. He then approached Mo Sheng and said,
"You have an amazing fashion sense. Can we be friends?" The man had said simply.
Mo Sheng was not used to being approached so naturally. Back in high school, the girls would crowd him and the guys he hung out with were like childhood friends and so, this experience was foreign to him.
Smiling, the man outstretched his hand to greet Mo Sheng. The man's eyes continued to sparkle. He was giving Mo Sheng his full attention as if Mo Sheng was the most important person on the planet.
Mo Sheng's heart skipped a beat.
Feeling this, Mo Sheng nervously grabbed his hand and spoke with a slight stutter, "P-please take care of me..."
Usually, people would cringe slightly at his accent and maybe even the stutter but the man didn't react at all. He just kept smiling.
This was the beginning of the end...
After this, Mo Sheng had begun hanging out with the man whenever he was free. He brought him to bars, clubs and private parties which Mo Sheng had never been accustom to.
Not only had this sparked a spiral of alcoholism, but he also began to suffer academically.
Seeing his grades at the end of the fourth term, Mo Sheng felt his gut clench. He had remembered speaking to his mother, telling her he was going to return but now, he couldn't face her...
Taking out his phone, Mo Sheng texted.
Mo Sheng: [I want to take some summer school so I won't be back this summer.]
The reply came only moments after.
Mom: [Okay, just remember to call once in a while.]
It was an obvious lie but his mother had quickly replied with her usual understanding ways.
Seeing this, Mo Sheng felt even more guilty towards her. At least if she had called him an awful son for trying to lie to her, they would have both agreed on something, and he could wallow in it.
But this never happened. Madame Mo never gave Mo Sheng the chance to wallow.
Two, close to three, years Mo Sheng continued this spiral of destruction. Though he now hung out with a group of guys and he had begun spending all his allowance money...
Though by then, Mo Sheng passed his days in a drunken stupor, often coming to class after it had ended.
Nothing was going right... but then, one day, Mo Sheng received a text from Lu AnLing. She was coming to America to study and she needed a place to stay.
When Mo Sheng knew that she was coming, he was glad. Glad someone would call him out of his bullshit, and help him get on the right track. But on the day when he had finally met Lu AnLing, he noticed that the sparkle in her eye was gone. Replaced by an abyss of darkness even he could count penetrate nor comprehend.
Though Lu AnLing smiled the way she used to. It was cold and Mo Sheng could not bring himself to tell her or ask her why.
Mo Sheng just wondered why she was so broken...
Wanting to help her out, Mo Sheng introduced Lu AnLing to his friends and continued the lifestyle he had prior to her arrival.
"So... do you have a girlfriend?" Lu AnLing asked one day while the two sat at the bar.
Mo Sheng averted his eyes, accidentally looking at the man who had started all this for him. "No."
Lu AnLing noticed a strange change in Mo Sheng but she did not question him at that point in time. They were both hiding something from the other, so, she would have felt like a hypocrite prying information from him. So she dropped him.
The next couple of weeks passed like a blur. Lu AnLing had integrated herself into his boozy lifestyle with little to no problems.
One day, they Lu AnLing, Mo Sheng and a large group of acquaintances.
Mo Sheng usually spent most of his time with Lu AnLing, but this time around, Mo Sheng found himself talking with the man who had brought this lifestyle to him.
"Nice pants." He commented nonchalantly.
Mo Sheng looked at the man, but at the moment his head was in the clouds and so, he just smiled and said, "Do you always compliment people on their clothing?"
"No," The man laughed as he brought his cigarette to his lip. He took a drag and then, as he blew the smoke Mo Sheng's way, he said, "Only you."
The man placed his lips on Mo Sheng's and face him a slight peck. This was just momentary, and Mo Sheng did not feel a thing. He didn't even know he had been kissed until after the fact when the man hovered close to his lips.
He had been testing the waters, and Mo Sheng did not know he had liked it until he felt himself kiss back.
Once he finally pulled away, Mo Sheng's stomach churned. He wanted to continue the kiss and yet, he wanted to throw up...
He didn't understand himself but before he could fully question why he felt this way, the man spoke.
"I don't give this kind of service for free." The man said into Mo Sheng's ear.
Feeling the heat of the man's breath, Mo Sheng shivered. The shiver was one which confused him. It was a mix of surface pleasure but at its core, it was of disgust... his mother's face came to his mind.
What was he doing? Mo Sheng wondered. But this though quickly disappeared once he felt a hot hand in his chest. It was the most he had felt in weeks and so, without hesitation, he took his wallet and handed the man his credit card.
Meanwhile, Lu AnLing was at the bar. But this time, she wasn't drinking. The drinks had felt like water going out her throat and now, she just sat frozen in time, clutching her stomach. Letting her tears flow.
She was thinking of her child, she had not witnessed Mo Sheng kissing his mysterious friend. She had not even seen him give the man his card. But suddenly, beside her, she heard two men say.
"He's got another one. Another Asian kid too..." one man said.
"Yeah. Poor kid. Though he's pretty dumb to trust someone who asks for money for something so simple." The other retorted as he watched as Mo Sheng continued to kiss the man.
Hearing this, Lu AnLing turned her body to look at the scene the men were talking about. Once she saw Mo Sheng he was handing the man his card, Lu AnLing slapped the table and then quickly went towards the two men.
She pulled them both apart forcefully almost sending Mo Sheng tumbling to the ground.
Without a second thought, Lu AnLing grabbed the card out of the man's hands and then she dragged Mo Sheng out.
That day, after puking his guts out, Mo Sheng had curled himself into a ball in his dorm room.
Lu AnLing gazed upon him with disgust. "This isn't the Mo Sheng I know. Since when did you become someone so weak, so dependent."
Mo Sheng frowned and then he clumsily threw a pillow at her.
"I'm not him." No Sheng said softly.
What was he doing? He clearly asked himself the question now. What had he been doing all this time and why? He was never an addict. He had amazing parents who loved him. An amazing friend who was there for him and yet why... why did he feel so strange. Why was he so afraid...
Of them.
"I'm just trash..." Mo Sheng said as he suddenly burst into tears.
Seeing him cry, Lu AnLing sighed. She didn't feel remorse for him. In her opinion, the boy should have known better. The world was not filled with only kind people there were horrible people who didn't care about anything other than themselves. And the kind Mo Sheng would have had to learn this one day.
At least, that was what Lu AnLing though...
Approaching him, the girl had a soft expression. One she had never worn before. She knelt down beside her friend and turned his tear-stained face towards her.
"I'll help you out. I'll help you get clean and cut those guys out of your life completely. But you need to promise me that you'll get better and stay better..." Lu AnLing said in a whispering tone. "By that, I mean, no more drinking when your sad, man or empty... drinking should be reserved for when you're happy. And just be yourself. The kind and loving you I know you've always been. "
As he thought of this moment from his past, Mo Sheng stared at his mother.
The woman easily noticed his glance, so she turned to her husband and said,
"I want cake."
Hearing this Mo Yichen smiled, "Anything for you. I'll ask—"
"No," Madame Mo interrupted her husband. "Could you go pick me up some lava cakes from Fates Gate."
Before Mo Yichen could agree or disagree with her request, Madame Mo was already accompanying Mo Yichen out towards the front door.
Watching the scene momentarily, Mo Sheng couldn't help but smile. His parents truly loved each other. He was so very glad for them.
But somewhere deep inside, he felt a bit bitter... he hated this feeling and so, he just pushed it away.
When his mother came back in the room, Mo Sheng was shocked to see a familiar lanky figure behind her.
"Rong Xin... What are you doing here?" Mo Sheng asked stiffly.
Ever since they had accidentally slept in the same bad at Lu Xia's place, Mo Sheng had felt a strong urge to avoid the man and so he did.
Now, seeing the man after so long, Mo Sheng was speechless and slightly mesmerized.
Had Rong Xin become better looking?
Because of this thought, he couldn't help but gape at him.
Madame Mo closely watching her sons reaction.
Looking at Mo Sheng's face, Rong Xin scratched his eyebrow. "Well... the young mistress... I mean, AnLing, said that she was worried about you cutting yourself off from society and so, she ordered me to check up on you and... uh trying to become friends."
"What is she? My mother?"Mo Sheng frowned shyly but suddenly realizing what he had said, he turned to his mother and said, "No offence. That's just a saying..."
Madame Mo shrugged. "None taken, but before you two begin chatting away, son, let's get some refreshments for Mr Rong Xin."
Mo Sheng looked between his mother and Rong Xin and then he left with his mother. Excusing himself politely, almost too politely.
"You like that Rong Xin fellow don't you?." Madame Mo said as they walked to the kitchen.
Mo Sheng's face paled.
Seeing her son's expression, Madame Mo waved her hands in front of his face as if trying to calm down an animal.
"I didn't mean anything bad by it. I'll love you no matter who you chose." Madame Mo said as she reached in to grip her son's hand tightly but then, she relaxed a bit when the arrived in the kitchen.
Madame Mo began to prepare the tea.
"Mom..." Mo Sheng said.
Madame Mo: "... really, I don't mind a male daughter in law... all I need is for you to donate your sperm and..."
Hearing the word sperm and knowing that Rong Xin was in the other room, Mo Sheng felt his spine forcefully straightened. Rationally speaking, Mo Sheng knew that Rong Xin wouldn't be able to hear this conversation, but even so, at the moment, there was no doubt in his mind that he could, so Mo Sheng screamed,
"Mom!"
Looking at him with a frown his mother touched her ears and winced.
"What?" She groaned.
"I don't know what idea you have in your head but I'm... not... gay..." Mo Sheng said. As he spoke, he turned away and this made him sound and seem meek.
Madame Mo did not like the way Mo Sheng closed himself up to her. She had already told him she didn't care but at the same time, she knew couldn't control how another person felt, so instead of pressing him, she put her hand on his shoulder and then she gave her son a smug look, "So are you telling me you're Rong Xin-sexual?"
Hearing this, Mo Sheng blushed hard and then he frowned even more. "Have you been talking to AnLing?"
"No, but now I hear I have an ally in my beliefs." Madame Mo said with a laugh.
There was a slight pause, and then Madame Mo spoke again. "Look my darling, I won't force you to get married. I won't force you to tell me your truth. As long as you're healthy and happy, there is nothing more I could ask for as a mother... I hope you understand that."
After saying this, she grabbed her son by the hand and then began to walk to the door of the living room with the refreshments in the other.
Mo Sheng was a bit frozen at the moment and as the two walked hand in hand, Madame Mo gazed up at her son. To her, his face seemed to be glistening with light.
A barrier had been broken without her knowledge but this quickly became clear to her.
Once they re-entered the room, Rong Xin suddenly sat up and walked up to the mother-son pair.
When Mo Sheng and Rong Xin's eyes met, electricity seemed to pass between them.
Rong Xin: "I need to go home."
Mo Sheng unconsciously gulped. "So soon?"
"Yes. I have some work to do." Rong Xin said quietly, he then handed Mo Sheng his card, "Call me whenever you want... uh... I mean... you know. AnLing's orders."
Mo Sheng nodded.
The two felt this attraction. Madame Mo believed this. But they didn't see it... or at least they refused to.
That was okay.
They didn't need to do something they were ready for and Madame Mo was not going to be the one to force them.
However...
She believed that one day she would get to see Mo Sheng and Rong Xin live in happiness. She just knew it in her heart and she wished them well.
Even if he didn't tell her his truth, Madame Mo would not reject him. And as she felt his warmth in her hand, Madame Mo felt her whole body fill.
She would be on her son's side.
Forever and ever.