"Remember, I just caught a quick glimpse before everything blacked out. When I woke up in this spirit form, he was nowhere to be seen. But the anguish and shock on his face were evident when he realised that the truck will hit me. Curiously, I had looked to the left, then to the right, and again to the left but I never saw the truck. It appeared suddenly when I took the first step off the ramp and on to the road to cross it.
The stranger you are asking about was wearing an old shirt and pant which was far too loose for him. He was so old that his skin seemed to be hanging on to his skeleton with effort. But despite the state, his eyes were alert and sharp and his jaw was set in a way that said that he had something important to tell me."
"Maa, I want something that gives me a clue that where I can find this man and ask him what he wanted to tell you."
"I don't remember anything specific, apart from the facts that he was very old, had a white beard, and worn old pant and shirt."
"If he was so poor, perhaps, we can find him among beggars. But there are so many of them in Delhi and spread over at so many places? Where can we begin our search?"
"Maa, you used to tell me that our soul is omnipotent, omniscient. Apart from passing through closed doors and walls, and turning invisible – what are your other powers? Have you seen any other heavenly beings?"
Maa's face fell a little. "For me, the death was not like what I expected it to be."
Jassi cringed at the word 'death' but she said nothing.
"I felt no pain while dying. It was sort of fainting and then, waking up straight to this form. Somehow, I knew that I was dead and buried here…and that you would come here. Actually, I discovered going through the walls accidentally. I was just thinking of communicating with your uncle from outside your window and suddenly, I was with him in his room. I tried talking to him but I couldn't. Then, I tried communicating with you but I couldn't reach you in Agra. A few seconds before you entered this room, I knew that you would come here but that was all I knew.
I see you, your uncle, your Aunty…but I have not seen other spirits or angels as I imagined. Perhaps, I will see them once my purpose here on Earth is over.
It seems that I am bound by this place's boundaries. I cannot go out on the road, I cannot pick up anything. My hands pass through everything like air."
"Have you tried anything else? I mean you were always inclined towards meditation. Have you tried that?"
"To tell you the truth, I haven't. I am afraid of what I will discover."
"Maa, you helped me dissolve MY fears! You are a Sikh. Sikhs are afraid of nothing, isn't it Maa? And you have always served Wahe Guru with all your heart. Why are you afraid of the Spirit World?"
Maa's face was grave.
"You don't know my truth, Jassi. You met me as a matron at Guru-ka-Taal. You don't know about my past. My youth was not that spotless. I have done years of service to atone for my sins but I have no means to judge whether I have done was enough or not. My conscience has never forgiven me for my sins."
Now, everyone loves gossips. No matter, what type of intellect one has or how good a person one is. Jassi wanted to know more about Maa's past. But Maa had never forced her to reveal her history until she was ready. She knew how to return the favour.
"You know I would love to hear about it whenever you want to share it with me."
"I have no one else to share it with. I cannot leave this place and your uncle and aunty cannot hear me," Maa smiled softly. "I will start with the beginning. I was born at the Manpur Nagaria village in Kasganj district of Uttar Pradesh. I had six other siblings and I was the youngest. We were the only Sikhs in our village at the time. I was always a loner. I liked to sit alone and meditate and pray. I was a quiet and obedient child – which was appreciated in girls in our times. In my free time, I used to find a quiet corner of my home and lose myself in the world of my imagination. My siblings and their friends used to tease me for that endlessly.
Sometimes, I used to run and hide in the fields to catch some quiet time. There were too many people at my home," Maa smiled reminiscing about her childhood.