At times when you can't handle a moment, either good or bad, your brain tries its best to numb you from your senses so that you don't feel it happening.
I wanted to pull him in, mingle his heat with mine. My hands tickled, but it was because the desire was also humid with induced repulsion, I wasn't feeling him, his action of desperation mixed with what called fervor. He pulled me tighter, his lips maneuvered over mine and sucked onto my lower. My lungs felt suffocating, my eyes were open, and I was examining his hair instead. A second later, I felt his warmth getting off me as he opened his eyes and met mine, filled with expected - disappointment. He wanted me to speak something first, a reason for my act of indifference to his this passion, after he wanted to give himself to me, why was I this? Why didn't I take him in? Even I had no answer to these marks.
Nothing but silence came from my side. I looked down at the floor unable to handle the intensity of his eyes. His face shifted to the right.
"Thanks." A sound of a sigh, and he stormed out through the door. It was all silent then, ringing in my ears.
My mind was on the verge of decimation. I knelt on the floor, clutching my head.
I was failing, failing at it.
Love?
It wasn't for me. I didn't know love.
I didn't want to.
>>>
Jungkook was impatiently waited near the exit, loping over one tile at a time to pass his time. The elevator clang opened its door, revealing three of the members. Namjoon, Jin, and Yoongi.
"Let's go." He dashed out, sparing no second to wait. The huge backpack on his shoulder jumped twice with his every stride.
"I wonder where Jimin is. Something is wrong with him today." Jin said.
Namjoon agreed, "I know right? He had been all moody during the practice and then left as soon as it ended. Do any of you know what's up with him?"
"Y'all know how taciturn he is when it comes to talking out something about himself," Hoseok shrugged, "He'll be fine later on." He turned to Yoongi, "You could share the car with us though, hyung. Three of us would fit in. I'm sharing with Taehyung."
"No. I uh- you guys go. I am gonna take a cab instead."
"Why a cab? Take the car. We can drop you off at your place then head off for dorm."
"It's gonna be a hassle. I am alright going by cab." He said, "You guys don't know where Jimin might be at?"
"No, he's not even picking up his call."
"It would've been nice if he had joined me." Yoongi sighed lowly, "Jungkook? Could you come with me? If you have nothing else to do as for now."
"Where to, hyung?" He waited on his pace for others to catch up to him, "Sure, I can tag along."
"This is where you wanted to come?"
Yoongi proceeded forward, and the other sticking from behind. Their car had parked before a grocery shop beside the abandoned road. Yoongi flailed on the chime bell hanging above, calling with his voice sweetened with reverence, "Ahjumma."
The owner of the shop came out in slow, heavy steps. A woman in her late fifties, hair silky and puffed and frizzled like undulating clouds, the benign serene feature of the old settled onto her face as well. Noticing the small of porcelain skin from the corner of the door crevice, her face was already brewing a warm smile known of who it was.
"Yoongi-ah! You never forget to drop by this time of every month, huh?" Small wrinkles formed at the corners with her lips stretching ear to ear, "That's no nice of you."
"I brought you the amenities." He handed over the basket of delicacies to her.
"I told you I don't need them. I have few days to live. And I am living fine enough already by the blessing of God."
"Don't say that, please." He followed her fond seeking stare towards the other male and remembered he had forgotten to introduce, "This is Jungkook. You may not recall, you have met him once before. You were asking about him and Jimin last time so I thought I would take them with me this time. Jimin has been busy, he couldn't come along."
"That's fine." She gently spoke. "Why don't you take a seat? I made some muffins in the afternoon. They're fresh out the oven now, you'll love it." She went back inside.
"I've been meeting her after a long time now. Do you come to see her every month, hyung?" Jungkook asked.
"Once in a while."
"Freshen up a bit inside before you eat." Her voice hailed from inside. Both of them got up to head for the basin.
"Is the taste alright?" She asked.
"They're delicious," Jungkook exclaimed, barely able to speak for his stuffed mouth. Yoongi's eyes softened seeing the shift of the youngest's expression to a more jubilant mood. He slowly pushed the tray forward towards him full of cakes avoiding getting noticed.
"But Ahjumma, isn't it hard to get customers with this shop location? I mean, people don't use this street anymore after the new highway got constructed. Why don't you move your shop to somewhere else?" Jungkook asked, picking up two muffins at a time in the meanwhile, "It sucks how your appetizing desserts are going unrecognized, people are missing out on the real taste."
"Aish, I'm glad that you like them." She laughed receiving his buckets of compliments, "I had plans, but this shop is left behind by my late husband, you see. My son's abroad, I am barely in touch with him. He doesn't contact me anymore. This is all I have got now. Even solitude over here gives off a sense of peace. I think I'm gonna pass the rest of my days here. I have got attached to this place. You should come more often to visit me."
"Of course I will. Take me as your other son. Yoongi hyung never informed me, neither of us before. I will make sure he takes me with him from next time."
"Anyways," Yoongi interrupted the conversation of the two, "Tell me, Ahjumma. Anything new from recent?"
"A car had passed by this street a few days ago."
"When exactly?"
"Two weeks after the last time you came."
Yoongi's face started to harden, asked further, "Which direction had it come from?"
"It came from that way from the forest and then went back in the same direction. When it exited, I saw more people sitting inside. I never saw them around here before. They weren't in the car too when it was coming in."
"Did you see their faces?"
"No. But there was a boy, green hair, that had caught my eyes."
"No one else?"
"I'm sorry I will disappoint you here, sweetie."
"It's alright, Ahjumma. Thanks for the dessert," Yoongi finished stuffing the rest of the one he was eating.
"I have a lot left. Would you like to have some more?"
"Ye-" Jungkook was stopped mid-sentence by Yoongi, him saying, "No, we will have to leave now. Sometime later."
"This soon? You just came. You could've stayed a little longer."
"No, we will have to rush. I apologize, Ahjumma. We can't."
"Okay. Then why don't you take the rest of the muffins to the dorm? Share with other boys."
"Can I have one more before we head off, please?" Yoongi couldn't protest against Jungkook's pleading eyes, reluctantly gave him a nod. Ahjumma was giggling at his cute tone of voice as she got up, "Sure, darling. Do you like strawberry flavor?"
"Heck yes, I do!" Jungkook said and casually looked askance to the other male after, going a little taut observing the pensive nibbling of his lips, "Is something wrong, hyung?"
"Nothing yet." He replied, albeit tentatively, "Finish your snacking fast."
"Okay." Jungkook said to the woman as she returned, "Can you please pack it up instead? I shouldn't keep hyung waiting for me. I'm sorry for the inconvenience."
"No. For sure, sweetie." She was quick in movements to smoothly pack the desserts up in a nice pink box. "Thanks so much. I almost forgot," Yoongi brought out a yellow sealed letter, "Here's for the next two months."
"Aish, You're so sweet as always. Come over anytime soon when you can. I will be baking more muffins for you next time." She eye-smiled at both, directing her gaze towards the youngest later, "You make sure to come over next time too. It feels nice to have more people sometimes in the shop."
"Of course I will." Jungkook scurried back fast to the car with Yoongi tapping his feet impatiently. "See you later, Ahjumma." With that, off they went.
"What's the rush for, hyung? Where are we going?"
"Back to the dorm."
"But-" He stopped as well as the car stopping just a bit further beside the jungle. No humans, not even birds, only silence cascaded the ambiance along with a gloom of forlornness over the bushes and scanty light seeping in through the painted yellow-green leaves. It appeared more petrifying, like a maze where apparitions were normal, days turning dark faster at this hour between day and night.
"Why are we stopping here?"
"Come with me." He didn't wait for him, striding with long steps getting lost into the greens. A few steps away settled his long-abandoned cabin, getting mixed into the dark further with its existence that one would barely find it at this hour. But Yoongi's habituated eyes took lesser than seconds to guide and take him to where it was. He stood before the entrance. Jungkook huffed loudly as he finally reached, picking up Yoongi's pace.
"What is in here?"
"What's not, that's what we need to know." His eyes scrutinized around looking for anything specifically out of place, like humans hiding into the bushes for stakeout, any cameras, or traps - anything anomalous. He carefully pitched his foot in through the door, not making a single creek entering through into the room.
"Everything seems to be fine." He said, rather more disappointed than the much he should have been with the result, "Then who were they coming over from this side? Ahjumma can't be wrong."
"What is it, hyung?"
"Jungkook," He said brusquely, "Do you see anything odd over here?"
"...No? What to fit the term 'odd' are you expecting?"
"Nothing..." He paced out of the room, with a mind storming in a vortex to himself, "Let's go back."
"Okay!" Jungkook was about to get back out towards the car but was stopped before by Yoongi. He was pointing towards the opposite direction, "From here."
"Oh?" Being utterly confused, the youngest simply followed him until they reached where he pushed apart some bushes uncovering the closed opening to the tunnel.
"I see, here!" Jungkook exclaimed. He went in first, steadily loping down maintaining athletic balance, and did a final jump to land on the ground. Yoongi joined after him. "How long have we not used this route? I've almost forgotten about its existence." He sounded like an excited kid going for a little adventure of its own.
"Don't be so excited." Yoongi replied in a rough voice, subsiding the boy's joviality, "We might be in some trouble. Be prepared."
"What kind of trouble? You need to start explaining to me now."
"Someone might have discovered our hideout. And my hideout too, possibly."
"What? Wait...tell me what Ahjumma had been telling you back in the shop."
"She saw some people coming from this side from our dorm and went away in the same side. Could be the ones who came here and who knows what they might have seen." He was tensed, "I had cleaned up the cabin last month. So they possibly found nothing from there. And regarding the tunnel, I doubt if they have found the opening to it. But...having doubts and working to resolve kills nothing."
They reached the main section of the arsenal. Nothing seemed to be out of place to the older, but his eyes and brains slogging wouldn't let him sit relaxed in peace.
"Call Hoseok to come down here."
"I have called him. He said they're about to reach the dorm. He'll be here once they have reached."
"Funny." Yoongi talked to himself with a tapped arcane smile resting on his visage of ambiguous expression, "I have always had doubts. But...if I'm correct, I would love to know how they could've found out till this. Where had they started from? From the forest, or the dorm?"
"What are you talking about, hyung? I see everything fine here too. Are you sure about your doubts? Ahjumma could've been wrong though."
"Yeah. But..."
"I'm here." Hoseok's voice reverbed from stairs upward. He asked as he reached, "What is the urgency, hyung?"
"Find the footage from 29. The time around when we were at the meeting."
"There has been a glitch in the cameras lately. Some parts of the daily footage from before are missing. I suggest we fix them before leaving." He clicked out the video, "Here you go."
Yoongi sat down observing minutes through it scrupulously, finding nothing of his expectation. He slouched on his seat taking out a breath grimly.
"Okay. I might be wrong. Even so-" He strummed his fingers on his thighs, "there's this one form of trust I have always had on my instincts, that they hardly ever go wrong." Hoseok stared at him with questions regarding what he was intending to say.
"Fix them. Today. Install more cameras around the house. I need them done the day before we leave. And Jungkook," He motioned his index at the top drawers in the corner, "Open that, push the knob inward and pull out the face." He instructed and the youngest did so, "Yes. Bring me Chae Su Kyung's files."
He added, "I kept them safe. Got the final orders from Boss earlier today too. Let's freshen up and sit for the plan. I will discuss the map of tasks and advice we finalize it today."
"Sure thing, hyung."
"And, I had said before that we might not need arms for this objective. Well-
Cross that out. We will, but they will be ready in boxes for us once we land at the airport."