Heart Palpitations: the sensation that your heart has skipped a beat or added an extra beat.
*
Even in my state of drowsiness, I could immediately recognise I was in a hospital. I didn't need to open my eyes, I didn't need to try and speak, the growing pain growing in my chest, the tingle in my fingers, the struggled breathing, the slow beeping, but moreover from something clearly trying to dampen these feelings, supress the excruciating pain, keeping me asleep.
My throat felt dry and trying to swallow proved difficult.
Opening one's eyes when sleeping on drugs was an exhausting feat. I couldn't see when I opened my eyes, and every blink I took to clear my image was a huge temptation to go back to sleep. My hands tried to curl into fists, the small motion emphasising that I was holding something.
I found the strength to keep my eyes open and look down to my hand; someone was holding my hand.
"You know," they said, running their thumb over my knuckles, "There are easier ways for you get me back here…"
Alexis.
My chest pinged in pain when I tried to sit up, scanning the room for other people, like maybe a nurse or a doctor, but it was only Alexis.
"You've already woken up a few times," Alexis informed as I relaxed against my pillows, "I don't know if you remember."
I shook my head, taking my hand from hers to hold my head. "No…" I mumbled, "Is there any water?"
"Hell, if I know," Alexis replied.
I was too disoriented to counter, but in a fright sat up. "Where're the girls? Amada? Is he okay?"
Alexis reached out to me and soothed me back down, encouraging me to lie down. "Everyone is worried about you." Her hand stayed on my shoulder while she sat on the edge of my bed.
I sucked in my lips, my eyes playing tricks on me with the flickering shadows that surrounded her head and the corners of the room, even the door window didn't shine enough light to penetrate it. "Why're you here?" I asked numbly, "Why haven't you called?"
Alexis licked her lips and, without answering, kissed me. In sudden desperation, I kissed her back, despite my sore body pushing through it to lift up to her. Her hand found mine again as she deepened the kiss, squeezing it tightly as I felt her tongue push past my lips. My eyes shot open and I pulled away. "Why're you here?" my eyes started to sting, my head started to throb, "I have to get hurt for you to come back?"
Alexis tried to calm me down, but the anger manifested into frustrated tears. "No… Why are you here? Why are you only visiting now? Why are you only talking to me now?"
Alexis tilted her head and reached a hand out to my face, cupping my cheek as she cooed, "Can't you just be happy that I'm here? That we're here?"
I blinked, "We're?"
"Hey son!" My Father appeared beside me, my Mother kneeling by the bed opposite Alexis. Where had they come from?
"Oh, how silly of you to hurt yourself like this," Mother said, "You had both of us come running to your side in worry. We thought that something was actually wrong."
My head started to throb again, what happened to the medicine. "What?"
"You've taken us away from our jobs, boyo. And for what? Another heart problem?" my Dad added, "That's old now!"
I shook my head, wincing at the pounding in my chest, "I… I'm sorry…" My stomach felt like it was being squeezed, "I don't feel well."
"Oh, that's certainly new, isn't it?" Mother laughed as she sat at my feet and took my hand in hers, "Everything's just wrong with our kids, huh sweetheart? Not an ounce of normality with any of 'em."
I jerked upright, both hands being held by Alexis and Mother. "I'm sorry to have taken you away from your jobs…" I started.
"Well, we're here now. That's all that matters," Father said, plonking down in a chair.
I tried taking deep breaths, but I could only manage short puffs. "Where're the others? My friends? Is Amada okay?"
"Oh, now you're worried about them?" Alexis asked, "I thought I was special, Landon. I thought I was taking up all of your time." When she spoke, she straddled me, ignoring my Mother and Father in the room. I was too hazy to acknowledge this as I leant back on the pillows, trying to suppress the sickness filling me. "You didn't do a good job protecting them," she started.
I blinked, trying to swallow a lump in my throat, "What?"
"Amada died," Alexis informed, playing with my fingers as she nonchalantly moved her head around.
I body scarcely changed at the news, but I felt even shorter of breath. "What…?"
"And my sister is missing!" From the shadows, Mia manifested, from the blackness gaining volume and shaping the rest of the body as she stepped forwards, "And it's all your fault! You didn't protect us!"
"I tried-Ah!" My chest suddenly burned with pain, the feeling spreading through my veins to my extremities. Alexis wouldn't let go of my hands.
"What about Robyn and I?" Ava's voice rang out, "What hope in all hell did we have? What about Estelle? I had to run to save your bloody ass and now she's gone too!"
I felt like I had been shot, multiple times, in the chest.
"I thought I could trust you to do this, Landon," Mother titted as she stood up, "I mean, how worthless are you otherwise that you can't keep an eye on some disabled girls?" She chuckled as she scratched behind her ear, "I guess what was I thinking? A disabled boy taking care of disabled girls. Ridiculous."
"I could do- Ahh!" The burning shots of pain was spreading, not longer giving me a moment of peace between throbs.
"He deserves to have his heart stop." Amelia's usual kind voice was salty at my presence as she stood at the end of my bed. "With how often he plays with our feelings? How he manipulates us! Toys with us!"
"Such a freaking dickhead, okay," Elizabeth added under her breath, appearing next to her.
I looked down at my chest, through the blue hospital gown something was glowing bright red, but Alexis wouldn't let me go to chest. "Where's my medication?" I pleaded, throwing my head to the side to look for my pill bottle, for anything, "Something's not right."
"Maybe you did sell them out, and you had a heart attack over your guilt?" Alexis suggested, releasing one of my hands to place on her chin, "I mean, you did take Mr Romano's offer, right? That mystery man's would've set you up for life."
I clawed at the gown while I could, ripping it open to see every blood vessel, every line, every skin cell replaced by a blood red light, radiating from my fast beating chest. The faster it beat, the quicker the light stretched to other parts of my body. I gritted my teeth, unable to bear it. Everything was overlapping, everyone's accusations, taunts, their disappointments, my panics, my choices, everything was thrown at me and I could scarcely deflect them, make any sense of them.
"And to think, you have the nerve to be mad at me." Alexis' voice was louder then the rest, her voice managing to almost silence them. "Why on earth would I want to stay here? With people like you?"
Cutting through everything, was the door, it's loud creak silencing everything in the room. A long rectangle of white light stretched to the foot of my bed, banishing everyone from around me as a black silhouette approached me. His existence was a black outline, his eyes a bright white as was his smile. A hand formed as he reached out for me, in his hands, a syringe filled with a ghastly green liquid.
"Time to die, Landon," the silhouette crooned.
*
Every hot sensation turned a freezing cold as my eyes shot open and I sat up, unable to suppress my yell of fright.
My outburst startled the people around me from their idle slumber or bored daze. I scratched at my arms, pulled at the gown I was wearing to examine my chest, pressing my fingers against my throat to find my heartbeat, despite the ringing it caused in my head. In my franticness, dozens of blurry people tried to speak with me, some trying to restrain me, but I fought back, determined not to let them stick me with another syringe.
When I felt I could finally breathe, my eyes managed to clear, and the dozens of people I thought I was seeing was actually just Ava and Robyn, each either side of me trying to keep me from ripping out the needles in my arm.
Ava slowly let go of me when I calmed down, and by calmed down I mean wasn't thrashing. The burst of energy left me momentarily exhausted, allowing me to slouch back onto the pillow. Robyn pressed a gentle hand to my cheek and offered a comforting smile as I slowly relaxed.
Everyone was here. Each looking over to me in a state of fright. When my eyes found Amada, which aside from a bandage on his hand was otherwise untouched, I felt overwhelmed but made myself not cry.
I mustn't have been successful, as Robyn's gentle touch turned into a hug, her arms wrapping around my head as she awkwardly stood over me to not disturb whatever tubes and items had been attached. Her soft body against me sent a wave of emotion through me, one that tipped me over the edge and tears started dripping down my cheeks. I wrapped an arm around hers and rested my head against her shoulder, trying to blink away the tears but only able to rub them on her long sleeve.
I hadn't been sent to a hospital bed for years.
When we had gone to the beach, that was just a scare, a precaution to make sure my heart wasn't causing grievances. But this was bedridden, body aching, mind-numbing hospital experience with tubes and wires stuck to my chest or sticking out of my arm and attached to machinery that did God knows what. When I took it all in, when I looked over Robyn's shoulder and beheld the mass of machines surrounding me, my breath shook and new tears dripped down my face as I covered my mouth with my hand, Robyn's comfort unable to stop me.
Robyn pulled away and offered a smile as she hopped off my bed and stood by one of the machines. Some of the nurses came into the room to check I was okay, shooing Robyn and Ava while they examined certain things and asked some questions. My answers were automatic, my face feeling numb. How was that possible?
After a while, they told me my parents were on their way to see me, which caused a sudden spike in my heartbeat as the fresh dream flashed before my eyes. My next thoughts were whether my sisters were coming with Mum, and I worried how they would react at seeing me like this.
It quickly spread to what the others were thinking, seeing me like this.
They were all pressed against the walls of the hospital room, sitting in polite silence as they watched the nurses continue to fiddle with dials and ask questions and promptly consult one another.
Overall, they were nice. But the borderline plastic nice. The kind of nice one gets from someone who has to be equally nice to dozens of other people.
After asking the girls some questions, mainly why they were there, they left the room. The moment they were out the door, Mia ran over to my bedside and climbed up, snuggling beside my shoulder and pulling out a Rubix Cube. The other girls weren't as forthcoming with approaching me, aside from Robyn, who I didn't have the energy to talk to.
I managed a hard swallow as I looked to Amada, my voice sounding much scratchier then I thought it would. "Are you okay, Amada?"
He nodded, crossing his arms as he leaned on the wall by my bed. "I'm fine compared to you," he answered.
I groaned, shifting as I tried to sort out what happened in my head.
"You got jumped," Bonnie said plainly, "And stabbed in the neck with some syringe. It was terrifying!"
"I overheard some weird concoction of drugs when the nurses came in earlier. Apparently, your heart failed," Ava informed.
I blinked. "Heart failure…" I murmured. My heart condition caused rapid heartbeat, resulting in mostly heart attacks, not heart failure.
Ava nodded, "You were coughing pretty bad."
My eyes widened, I didn't remember coughing.
Estelle pressed her lips together, her usual perky persona was sombre, her expression almost nauseous. "They thought you were going to die," her voice was choked, like she was previously crying.
"How're you feeling now?" Amia asked as she squatted down beside the bedframe.
I nodded, flexing my cold fingers. "I'm a bit sore… but I'm alive," I said.
Swiftly, Ava punched my arm, a restrained outrage in her tone. "Why didn't you tell us you had a heart condition?" she snapped.
I wondered if the dull ache in my arm was accurate to how hard she hit me. I couldn't lift my eyes, opting instead to look at my sheets. "It just didn't come up…" I tried.
"Bull," Bonnie added.
I didn't look at her, just bit the inside of her cheek. "It's not a lie," I managed, my throat felt really tight, "It… never really came up. And it's nothing bad. If I kept on my medications, it's like it's not even there." I felt a ping in my chest, furrowing my brows at the idea that even my heart was calling bullshit on me.
"You made us tell you ours," Estelle informed, "Ours never came up."
I scoffed, "Really? Bonnie is in a wheelchair, Mia hasn't spoken a word to be sober, and our first major interaction was a severe peanut allergy. Otherwise, what's wrong with everyone else? Robyn's deaf? Kinda obvious. Nothing's wrong with the twins, or Ava!"
"Landon." Amia's voice cut through my rising voice.
I sighed. "I didn't tell you guys because… I'm embarrassed by it," I confessed, my chest tingling at the admission. I stared at my hands while I spoke, visualising the tingle that usually buzzed in my fingertips. The smallest of smiles tugged on the corner of my lips. "I don't think I've ever admitted that before…" I said pressing my fingertips together to try and feel the tingle. I forced my head up and sighed, "I didn't tell you guys because to me it meant I couldn't do what I was trusted to do. My worth was questioned. I'm the Dorm Guard, right? But I'm God awful, ain't I?" Everyone was silent when I spoke, either out of respect or I like to think stunned.
"Why trust me to be of any help? Why give a boy with a heart condition the responsibly of helping keep an eye on my roommates? To be some offsite body guard?" I shook my head, gritting my teeth. "It's dumb. It's demeaning to admit for me when this wasn't something I've always had. And, moreover, something that can't be cured, only managed with horse tablets and medications with million-mile names." I could hear my heart monitor machine speed up, watching the green line move with such speed, seeing a personified line mimic my heart was unnerving. I ripped my eyes away from it. "I've had my issues with this. I've seen how people react to this issue. I've had entire classes send me sympathy cards, I've been benched because it might be bad for my health, I've made people walk on egg shells in fear of saying something that would panic me or do anything that might 'hurt my heart.' The last thing I wanted was for this to be some issue." I slouched further down my bed, grimacing at the discomfort of certain tubes. "Much good that did me, huh?"
I have no idea if my reasoning was valid or if it just made me look like a hypocrite, but I loathed what my heart condition meant, how to some people it defined much more of then I ever expected. It wasn't something external, it wasn't something that hindered my ability to do things, it just so happened to be what I had to deal with.
During these thoughts, Bonnie scoffed. "You think that's a special mindset?" she asked.
I frowned, looking to her. "What?"
"We all feel that way," Estelle informed. "We're able to hide our quote unquote 'disabilities.'
"It's not a unique thought," Robyn signed.
"And it's stupid that you'd think we'd treat you differently," Ava informed, crossing her arms. "If anything, we'd understand better than most."
"Although I do agree, it seems silly they had someone with a heart defect be a Dorm Guard," Bonnie confessed.
"Bonnie!" everyone snapped, startling her somewhat.
Despite the comment, I couldn't suppress my smirk. "Originally the job wasn't so hands on," Ava informed, "It just needed to be a guy to look intimidating. Keep an eye on things. All the kung-fu assassin quirks are just extras."
I rolled my eyes at the description, but I had to agree with Bonnie. It was ridiculous I got this job, and that I thought I could do it properly. "You three almost got kidnapped. Robyn lost her hearing and Ava nearly assaulted someone. You were almost murdered!" I pointed to Mia, who seemed to only be half paying attention. "I'm terrible at this job!"
Everyone nodded, making an over the top effort to agree with me, that devolved into us laughing. The moment I started, my chest started to ache and turned into coughing. The laughter died down as they looked at me with concern. I forced myself to stop and smiled, assuring them I was fine.
"One of the guys that syringed you got away," Bonnie informed, "But the other one was arrested. Apparently, they wanted to murder you."
I gulped. "I think I have an idea who," I said. Mia stopped mid-Rubix cube at the mention of this. "Did the police say they'd come to see me? Or talk to me?"
Everyone exchanged hesitant looks and shrugged. "Probably."
I nodded as I laid back on the pillow. "Onto the big stuff," I managed, trying to stretch my arms forward, "Does this hospital offer crappy jelly? Or have one you already eaten it?"
"They haven't given you food yet," Amia informed, leaning on the railing at the end of the bed, "You've been asleep for like over a day."
I widened my eyes, the concept of time looming over me as I tried to guess what day it was. I assumed it wasn't a Walking Dead situation. Everyone seemed far too calm for such a thing.