Unwelcomed: Not wanted.
*
I sat at the end of my bed untying my shoes when someone knocked on my door.
I glanced up and watched Alexis step inside, leaning her shoulder against the wall and staring in my direction. Her bell softly chimed as she fiddled with her skirt. "Evening," she greeted.
"Hey," I replied, "You okay?"
"Yeah, yeah," she sounded very preoccupied.
I bit the inside of my cheek as I looked her up and down. Her legs crossed over each other, and her arms hugged her elbows. She seemed shy about something. It was a strange sight in Alexis.
"Okay," she eventually said, confidently walking to my desk and pulling out my desk chair. When she sat down, she rolled next to me. "Are we gonna talk about what happened the other day?"
I blinked, the memory of our kiss tingling on my lips. Alexis was right. We hadn't spoken much since it happened. I suddenly felt uncomfortable, "Do you want to talk about it?"
Alexis pursed her bottom lip, resting her hands on her legs. "Well… kinda, yeah," she confessed.
I nodded, placing my shoes on the ground and facing her. "Okay, let's talk."
Alexis returned my nod with a sigh, "Yeah, lets."
Silence.
Why did this feel so awkward?
Alexis' mouth started mouthing words, her brows furrowing in deep thought as she tried to talk but pressed her lips together when she couldn't find the right words. A weird lump formed in my stomach, causing a moment of nausea to wash over me. I tried to hide the slight sadness I felt as I asked, "Is this one of those discussions where we pretend what happened never happened?"
Alexis' eyes widened, "Oh my God, no."
The relief that ran through me was overwhelming, the lump disappearing but leaving behind a cold feeling. Alexis continued, "Nothing like that, it's just…" she clicked her tongue, "I don't… I mean it was- but I…" She shook her head and pinched her brows, "Dear God…" she cleared her throat and resolved herself. "I really like you, Landon," she confessed.
Her words made me blush, and I couldn't suppress how happy what she said made me feel. "And I like you too," I replied.
Alexis smiled at my words. "I'm glad," she remarked, her tongue running over her teeth as she thought about what to say next. "I really do like you, Landon…"
Her tone of voice stole the smile from my face. "But?"
Alexis clicked her tongue again. "I want this to work, Landon, but," she shook her head, almost like she was going to be sick, "I don't want to ruin whatever kind of connection we've got on something I know for a fact won't last."
I was taken aback by her words. "What do you mean 'won't last'?" I asked.
Alexis sighed, "This is my last year at White Winter Prep. Once I graduate I plan on leaving this place," she informed, "Go to New York and try to make it in the art world. That kind of stuff just can't be accomplished here."
I bit the inside of my cheek, "Why does that have to affect us?"
Alexis straightened her posture. "Because… in eight months I would be leaving you." She shook her head, "If we did this, I would take it seriously. I don't want to date you because I know it would get too intense and when I leave it might crush me."
Her argument reminded me of our debate on love earlier. I puffed up my cheeks as I thought about what she had to tell me. She was right.
Alexis was in year 12 and would graduate at the end of the year, while I still had another year to go. I wouldn't follow her to New York or anything that ridiculous, now it's not my place to. She's freaking out about something that may or may not even happen. I shuffled closer to her, our knees touching as I leaned forward and spoke before I could overthink it.
"Alexis. I think you're cool, smart, talented and a great kisser." Alexis gave me a smug smile as if she was fully aware of her kissing abilities. I took her hands in mine, "Don't worry about when you graduate. Do you want to see what could happen between us over the next eight months? If you're willing, I'd love to give this a shot."
I could sense that Alexis wanted to say yes, or at the very least not say no, as she tightened her grip on my hands and a small smile formed on her lips. But she hesitated, her eyes giving away her uncertainty to the idea. I leaned forward, placing her chin in my hand as I lifted her eye. "Is it seriously not worth trying?" I asked. "Will what might happen stop you from pursuing it?"
Alexis' hand grasped the one holding her face and sighed, obviously remembering our conversation from earlier. One of her hands reached up to my face, gently pinching at my cheek as she shuffled closer. She leaned forwards and blindly kissed me, a short kiss, but a welcomed one. "Just a warning," she said as she rested her forehead against mine, "I don't half-ass these kinds of things."
I smirked, pulling Alexis closer as I brushed my nose against hers. "I won't either." I parted my lips slightly when I kissed her, like our first I occasionally felt the tip of her tongue against mine. The warm feeling spreading from my head down my spine to the ends of my fingertips.
I felt Alexis' smile as the kiss continued, between touches eventually commenting, "Good talk."
I deepened the kiss, surprising her, before pulling away to tease her. She grunted when I shuffled back to my shoes. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have a date."
Alexis was taken aback by this as she scratched the corner of her mouth. "Have we had this discussion at a weird time?" she asked.
I laughed as I fitted my shoes, "No. Timothy Carlington is taking Robyn and me out to a drive-in movie."
Alexis scoffed as she crossed her arms, she looked embarrassed. "You worried me for a second there," she confessed, "Does this Timothy Carlington know?"
I tightened my laces, "No, and hopefully neither will Robyn. Just want to check out this Timothy guy, make sure he's a good egg." I stood up, snatching my jacket off my bed, before going back to Alexis and kissing her cheek, "See you later. Get out of my room."
Alexis laughed at my final words as I exited my bedroom, my jacket zipped up by the time I got to the bottom of the stairs and ventured out into the cold evening.
*
Windmill Lake and the town offered a lot more get together activities then I initially thought. Ava had given me a brochure she found pinned to the notice boards at school. The council set up a drive-through theatre in the fields at Windmill Lake. There was a large projector screen and sheet set up for a movie to be played. According to the brochure, three movies were scheduled to be played tonight; a children's film, a romance movie and an action flick.
When I went to the fields, I was approached by a woman in a yellow jacket to pay the $5 toll. When I handed over the fee, she smiled and said, "So there's no designated seating, just wherever you feel like. Just don't disturb any of the car riders. Otherwise, you'll be asked to leave the lot, okay?"
I nodded, "Understood."
"Movies end at 10:30pm. Have a nice night." She gestured for me to head in.
There were close to one hundred people here. Many on picnic blankets or lawn chairs, I passed a handful of cars. Most people sitting in the trunk of the car while they waited for the movies to start playing.
People naturally made aisles for me to walk down as I stepped over the occasional children's toy or dodged people with armfuls of overpriced confectionary treats. Since it was night, I couldn't see people's faces very well, only the outlines of people's figures. There were some creative ways people combatted this issue. I passed a 4-Wheel Drive with an opened boot decorated by white fairy lights and a glow in the dark stuff teddy bear. A couple with two young children sat there chatting between mouthfuls of popcorn.
My eyes lingered on that scene as the little girl holding the bear started laughing, it was the kind of belly-laugh only small children could make when they were in complete bliss.
I felt a lump form in my throat as I considered them a while longer, envy formed in the centre of my chest as I sighed.
I didn't hate my parents, far from it, I was impressed by them. But a part of me did wonder if I would be better off with a more traditional family. Would there be more family moments like this? Family outings with everyone at any given weekend? Instead of constant travelling, different schools, and only seeing my family in one place every Christmas and birthdays.
I felt my frustration begin to spiral, and I didn't want to start thinking about something I'd regret.
I scanned the rows of people for Robyn, trying to recall what she was wearing last I saw her, but in the night, it didn't do me much good. The projector came to life, a movie forming on the giant projector sheet at the front of the crowd. People started quietening down as some advertisements began playing. The ad was bright white, illuminating people's faces. Amidst the people, I saw Robyn a few rows in front of me sitting on a blanket next to a boy.
I could've stayed where I was, but curiosity got the better of me.
I apologised as I hopped over people, narrowly avoiding knocking of a bowl of lollies and knocking over some bottles of water, but I made it to the line behind the pair. I sat down on the grass, which was damp, and grumbled in annoyance as the dew started to seep through my pants. The children's film was the first to play, a colourful concoction of cartoon characters, child-friendly explosions and an adorable adventure about friendship and teamwork.
I was more invested in that movie than Robyn and Timothy's date. I noticed quickly that Timothy didn't know how to sign language, and Robyn couldn't read his lips with such dim light.
I did notice Timothy make some attempts at being nice. He shuffled closer and placed a blanket around her shoulders, became daring at one point to rest his arm behind her while they watched the film. He got up once and came back with some popcorn that they shared, and he did start talking to her, but as to how much Robyn understood I couldn't be sure. What I saw was a young man trying at the very least.
When the children's movie finished a lot of people packed up, thinning the audience as cars and blankets left the crowd. This left a couple of dozen couples and a few groups of friends left in the crowd. With the crowd thinning out, I made the bold choice of getting closer to the pair when Timothy started talking to Robyn again.
Bless Robyn's heart, she tried. She was facing him and looked at him, looking down at his lips when he spoke, desperately trying to understand what he was saying. I wondered if even with her hearing aids if she could hear a single thing he was trying to tell her.
The romantic movie came on; 'The Gems of a Rose Garden.'
It seemed quite fluffy and adorable for the most part; two kids, one girl from a wealthy family and a boy who worked in the gardens, grow up together, side by side, and eventually figure out their feelings for one another. But of course, the girl can't just marry a servant boy, so that means romantic family drama.
I was getting invested in the story and took a mental note to look out for events like this for dating ideas with Alexis. I wondered if she even liked movies or would like drive-through film. My eyes were so focused on the screen, I didn't notice straight away what was going on in front of me.
Timothy had leaned in close to Robyn, so close it looked like he was whispering something to her. I frowned at this at first, curious why Timothy was trying to whisper something to her when she clearly wouldn't be able to hear him. They morphed into one silhouette as Timothy continued speaking, leaning closer to Robyn, his arm moving from merely behind her to on her shoulder in an embrace. For anyone else, I would think this was a cute way of trying to embrace your date, but something felt off about it.
Robyn was leaning away from him slightly, tilting her head from his lips when he spoke in her ear. I narrowed my eyes as I focused on them, shuffling myself somewhat so I could look at them from a different angle. Timothy's hand clutched her shoulder, pulling her closer when she tried to pull away. I was soon sitting a few people away from them in the same 'row.'
The longer I watched, the angrier I became.
Timothy wasn't trying to whisper something to her, he was kissing the side of her face. Her hands were pressed against his chest to push him away. She looked uncomfortable, and once tried to sign something at him, but he pushed aside her hand and started talking to her, managing a few words before trying for a kiss.
Robyn lurched backwards in surprise, her whole body stiff as she turned her head away from him, trying to focus on the movie. Timothy persisted though, trying to get her attention again to steal another kiss.
Still unsure, I started making my way closer to them again, ignoring the couple making out instead of watching the film and the awkward couple occasionally glancing at them uncomfortably.
I heard Robyn's broken voice, the uncertain grunts she made when she was trying to get someone's attention. I blinked as I eventually got somewhat behind them, and watched Timothy rest his hand on her leg and slowly run it up her thigh, trying, and failing, to get his hand under her skirt. I watched her struggle to keep a hand on his chest and the other from trying to grope her.
I gritted my teeth as I stood up and almost ripped the two of them apart. "Okay, man. That's enough." I tried to keep my voice calm, but my irritation was too powerful to hide.
Timothy seemed dazed by my presence as I turned to Robyn, who seemed equally stunned, eventually giving me a quizzical look as she signed at me. "Landon?"
I reached a hand down to her, "Come on, we're heading home." Whether Robyn understood me or not, she took my hand and allowed me to help her to her feet.
Timothy seemed to find his voice and tried to argue with me. "Who the hell are you?"
"Landon," I replied, quickly checking if Robyn was okay, "And if you ever try something like that again, I'll break both your hands. Got it?"
He scoffed, a smug expression forming as she spat, "Are you threatening me?" He attempted to push me, but I didn't waver if anything it made me stand taller and step towards him.
I wanted to yell at him, to punch him in his smug face, set him down on his ass and whisk Robyn home and away from this pervert. But I didn't want to cause a bigger scene than necessary, and by the way he backed down upon my silence, he realised I was serious. "Yes," I answered simply, "Leave her alone, or you'll have me to deal with."
Robyn didn't object when I took her hand and led her away from her 'date.' She glanced behind us as we made our way to the back of the crowd and past the woman in the yellow jacket. When we stood at the bus stop on the side of the main road, she snatched her hand away from me and slapped me across the face.
The sudden pain in my cheek stung and lingered, hurting a lot more then I anticipated from Robyn.
I flexed my jaw as I faced her. She was breathing heavily, every visible muscle tensed and under the street lamp light, she was glowing red in anger. She started signing at me, swearing at me this way and that. "Why the hell did you do that?" her hands were sharp and strong gestures.
I rubbed at the tenderness in my cheek. "I followed you guys to this movie-"
"You were following me?!" Robyn gave me such a shocked look when she signed this, opting to cover her face in disbelief between head shakes. "Did Ava have anything to do with this?" she asked.
When I tried to lie about it, Robyn latched onto my ear and gave it a firm yank, the sudden attack making me yelp. "She's only worried about you, Robyn. And rightly so if that's how he acts."
She roughly threw my ear away, her movements being aggressive swipes in the air. "Of course, of course, neither of you trust me to make my own decisions about this!" She stomped her foot, "I don't need a babysitter for every aspect of my life!"
I rubbed at my earlobe as I poorly signed with one hand, "Robyn, what he was doing was indecent assault."
Robyn clenched her jaw as her facial features started to twitch, her hands with a slight tremble that she tried to hide by pressing her hands against her forehead. She continued signing, "How is that for you to decide?"
I scoffed, "I'm sorry, did you want any of that? Because by the way you were pushing him away gave the impression you didn't." I was trying not to yell because I wasn't mad at Robyn, I was mad at her date. "He clearly doesn't respect you, Robyn. I couldn't just stand by and let him do that to you."
"That wasn't for you to decide!" Robyn movements were so frantic I almost missed them. "It's not your place Landon. It's my life, it's my body, and I will do with it whatever I want, or want other people, to do with it. Okay?"
I couldn't see Robyn's perspective in this argument. I honestly couldn't. And by the way she trembled in front of me, she looked frightened, but she held her chin high and was angry with me. I bit the inside of my cheek, my fingers flexing as I tried to find the correct way to sign this to her. Slowly, and with a grain of salt, I signed to her, "I won't interfere again, but... please don't ever be put in a position where I feel I need to."
I watched Robyn try to hide her feelings. I wanted to see that absent look return to her eyes, that neutral expression that made her appear so-easy-going and naïve looking, but it occurred to me that's what made Timothy cocky enough to attempt something like this, that that expression was all too real in that Robyn doesn't recognise what almost just happened. Her eyes betrayed how rattled she was, glazed over in a sheet of tears as she tried to blink them away.
She shook her head again, scratching at the inside of her eye as she signed with one hand. "Stay away from us. If you go anywhere near him again, I'll never forgive you." Robyn had never looked so furious before, and it made me sick that it was aimed at me. She walked past me, shouldering me on the way past, and leant against the lamppost, opting to wait with me for the bus.
It was a strange thing, being scolded for something I thought was right. Whenever I looked at Robyn, she'd turn her eye away from me, her arms firmly crossed and her lips tightly pressed. She really hated me right now.
When the bus came, she didn't object to me sitting next to her, but her attention remained on the starlight scenery outside. Her tremble had lessened, and by the time the bus got to our stop she had calmed down enough to relax her muscles.
It wasn't a long walk to the dormitory, but it was cold. Hoping I wasn't overstepping my boundaries, I took my jacket off, still slightly warmed by my long sleeves, and wrapped it around Robyn's bare shoulders. She jumped when I placed the coat but accepted the gesture with a smile and more silence.
Down the road, I saw the lights of the dormitory still on, giving us a place to strive for. "Nearly home," I signed. Robyn caught my gestures in time to understand them but didn't return with a response.
I nodded sadly and continued, walking through the gate and to the front door without so much as another word. I unlocked the door and pushed it open for Robyn to step in. She passed me my jacket on the way past, her eyes plastered to the floor.
Compared to the outside, the inside was blindingly bright, prompting me to rub them vigorously.
In my blindness, Robyn tapped me on the arm. I blinked away the dreariness to look at her, her eyes yet to leave the floor as she signed with small finger movements; "Please don't tell Ava about what happened." Everything about Robyn seemed to deflate, from her expressions to her eyes to her sign language. "Please."
I shook my head, "Robyn, I won't keep something like that from her."
She lifted her eyes, a momentary spark returning to her as she argued, "But it's none of her business."
"Maybe it is," I countered, looking to the stairwell and the hallways in case I was overheard. "If you don't tell Ava, I will. She's been worried about you lately. And with stuff like this happening, I am too."
Robyn shook her head and sighed, "I'm going to bed."
She turned to leave, but I verbally called out, "If you don't tell her, I will." My voice travelled enough for Robyn to turn around, so I repeated myself with a sign.
Robyn sucked in her cheeks and sighed again, her eyes returning to their deflated look as she tightened her clothes around her and signed slowly, "Goodnight."