As we walked through the dense forest, Beth was complaining to Connor in a loud voice. "Really? Why couldn't we go with something cool like 'The Decapitators! or 'The Crushers!'. Instead, we're stuck with 'The Procrastinators'?"
For the last several minutes Beth had been complaining non-stop, bugging the shit out of Connor as he tried to ignore her. Finally, Connor yelled, "Come on! It's been our team or guild name in every game we play!"
"But that's because we were playing the game while ignoring our homework!" Beth yelled at him, "Now, we just have a shit name that no one will want to hire!"
"Who cares?" I asked, done with the conversation, "At least it'll be funny when we're at the head of all the dungeon clear lists and everyone's trying to figure out who we are. Just imagine it, parents yelling at their kids, "Why couldn't you be like The Procrastinators!"
Rick started guffawing at that, "Just imagine your mom's face when she finds out Beth."
That got her to shut up as she thought about it, a wide grin growing on her face, "She always did say procrastinators are worthless."
"See, it's perfect. Everyone will underestimate us, and we get to piss off your mom." Connor said, but I was too busy watching as a massive plume of fire shot up from the forest in front of us.
"Um guys, I think we might be a bit too late." I said, turning and running away.
"ROOAAARRR!!!" A drake rose into the air, fire caught in his nostrils as it ate the head of a Kobold that'd just gotten done summoning it. Seeing us, it took flight. I know I'd gotten stronger recently, but I was the only one in our team with long range abilities and there is no way I could take that down by myself. After Carlos had killed the one at the Goblin's Nest I tested out my abilities on it's dead body. I couldn't penetrate it's scales with any piercing or cutting ability I had, which left me with very few options.
"RUN!" Rick yelled, as he turned to try and follow after me. Unfortunately for him, his shiny new armor not only slowed him down, it glinted in the sun with an unnaturally bright light. It was as if someone had painted a giant "Eat Me" sign on his back.
'Hmm, that's a good idea.' I thought to myself as I kept running, although I slowed down a bit unwilling to leave my friends behind. While I was swapping ideas back and forth with Patrice trying to figure out what to do, the drake caught up to us.
Beth had outrun Rick, and was staying close to me. However, Connor stayed just in front of Rick constantly looking over his shoulder. The drake took a deep breath, and a massive fireball shot out. Activating my barrier instinctively, I pulled out my Staff and turned to face the drake.
"NOW!" Connor yelled, and Rick's massive shield appeared in his hands as he turned. Using an ability I'd never seen before, white light radiated off of the shield and surrounded the 5 feet around him completely blocking off the attack.
Connor had hidden himself within the light shield, while Beth activated her Earth God's Armor and got ready to fight.
Unexpectedly, the Drake dove right behind his fireball and before it had even dissipated it's massive maw bit down around Rick's shield and arm before he flew up into the air carrying Rick with him.
"ARGH!!!" Rick yelled in pain, his arm hanging at an awkward angle but somehow still attached.
"TURN ON YOUR TRACKER!" I yelled at him as the Drake flew away and we tried to follow behind him.
Unfortunately for us, the Kobolds had followed behind the Drake and ambushed us from the side just as we started to chase after him. With dragon-like faces, and talons sharp enough to carve through stone Kobolds are considered to be far more dangerous than Goblins. So, I was incredibly surprised when Connor unsheathed his sword and somehow appeared 15 feet from where I'd last seen him with multiple Kobolds lying dead in his wake.
Meanwhile, Beth had taken out the new Battleaxe I'd given her and charged into them calling out her new warcry, "DECAPITATORS OVER PROCRASTINATORS!" Honestly, it was the most boring fight of my life. I just tried my best to not fall behind as Beth turned into an unstoppable force of fury while Connor flitted throughout the battlefield leaving a wake of corpses left behind him.
'I really need to get a movement technique' I though to myself as I sprinted through the battlefield without fighting and still couldn't keep up with their speed. Since I didn't need to do anything, I decided to pull up the group chat and almost fell over laughing at Rick's messages.
"OWWW!!"
"Connor, if I lose my arm I'm going to tell Ms. Johanson that you have a thing for her!"
"ARGH! IT BIT MY OTHER ARM!"
"NO! NO! ITS SWALLOWING ME!"
"Hey, it's cozy in here."
Then, he opened up a live feed and I saw him using his shield to block the Drake's throat as he laid back and was covered in a glowing white barrier. He'd already healed his arm, and as I watched the Drake attempted to shoot a fireball but it was blocked by his barrier and exploded inside it's throat.
"Seriously," I sent him, "You've gotta be the first person to ever take a nap inside a Drake's mouth. I would totally watch the Darwin Awards episode featuring you."
He took out a can of dip from somewhere and started chewing while saying "Hey, you're the one that let me get eaten. I'm just the one enjoying the perks."
Shaking my head, I made sure the tracking ability was working. We'd somehow taken a wrong turn and headed back towards where the fight had begun.
"Hey guys, we're going the wrong way!" I yelled out, minimizing the chat window and noticing that we'd been surrounded by several hundred Goblins. Apparently, the commotion had attracted them.
"We're a bit BUSY HERE!" Beth yelled as she tanked a fireball to the face, "YOU MIGHT HELP A BIT?"
"Sure, sure. I'll save your asses." I said, Patrice and I starting to gather our energy together. Unlike before, we decided to use our energy a bit smarter. Grabbing my staff, I swung it "Elemental Strike!" A torrent of wind blew from my staff, knocking the Goblins back and grouping them all up. While I'd been doing that, Patrice summoned hailstorm filled with dart shaped icicles started crashing to the ground.
Beth and Connor watched in awe as almost every Goblin was laying on the ground with little ice darts sticking out of them. Turning they looked at me in shock, "I thought you only created tornadoes! You're fucking broken!"
Shaking my head I said, "I can kill lots of weak guys at once, but I suck at killing a single strong person."
Meanwhile, my group chat started blinking crazily so I looked and found an image of Rick falling from several hundred feet up as the Drake dropped him.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
*GULP*
"THAT BASTARD MADE ME SWALLOW MY CHEW!!!"
*CRASH*
The live feed went dead, but Rick's voice was still coming through the group chat. "I'M GOING TO KILL THAT DRAKE AND HAVE BARBECUE DRAKE BALLS FOR DINNER!"
Snorting, I said, "Brings a whole new meaning to Rocky Mountain Oysters." Connor and Beth had begun cleaning up the battlefield now that we didn't have to worry about chasing the drake down.
"Hey guys, I'm kind of stuck." The feed came back on, and Beth fell over laughing when she saw him stuck in a mud pit, slowly sinking into it and unable to climb out due to the weight of his armor.
"Told you that shit was worthless!" Connor said, shaking his head in disgust and turning towards the beacon that was pulsing from his Implant. "Come on, lets go save Holy Boy before a Crocodile gets him."
"But, but... the loot!" Beth whined as Connor and I dragged her away from the corpses of the monsters and we started jogging through the jungle.