Three of us are trying to come up with a solution, and Lishan Mother walks in with all the schadenfreude written on her face. She says: 'I have told you guys that we needed to test their sincerity! See, Zhu Bajie still hasn't changed his lascivious tendency. Now he wants to marry into our family and he even called me "Mother!"'
At the last word of that, she couldn't help laughing to shaking, leaning herself onto a pillar: 'How amusing! I shall remind him of this thing when one day he is assigned to be a buddha!'
We stare at her laugh and none of us speak out.
Lishan Mother laughs and she sees that we don't look amused. She cannot keep laughing in this situation, so she looks at us embarrassed: 'What's up? Why do you all have such despondent faces? Didn't you finish your task?'
Samantabhadra looks at her and pulls my sleeve: 'Guanyin bodhisattva, you shall speak for us.'
I say: 'What do I say? You speak for yourself.'
Samantabhadra will not let go of my sleeve: 'You are the smartest among us. If you don't help me, who can help me? We have known each other for many years. You cannot leave me alone like this.'
Manjusri says: 'Just hold to your time-wasting talks and I am going to say it.'
Then, he seriously and righteously says: 'Sun Wukong wants a son, possibly.'
...
Lishan Mother says: 'What's the matter? This is a normal feeling. It is fine.'
After that, she looks at me and asks: 'Guanyin bodhisattva, how is Xuan Zang?'
I say: 'He is great. He has a hard mind that he solely wants to receive the scriptures and then to enlighten all the beings.'
Lishan Mother is going to move her eyes to Samantabhadra while Samantabhadra suddenly buries his face in my sleeve. No matter how Lishan Mother calls him, he just doesn't come out.
Well, I have no choice but to speak for him: 'Others are all good, but Sha Wujing doesn't want to go on anymore. Lishan, you shall clean this mess.'
Lishan Mother is shocked: 'How? Sha Wujing is the safest among those four people! He is honest and hard-working. How come he has a problem now?'
I say: 'Yes he is honest, but he also has thousands of years of anger. After working hard for Heaven for thousands of years, he was over-punished and exiled. Now, he doesn't have a sense of existence in the team either. Of course that he wants to give up.'
Manjusri says: 'I have said it. Just leave them alone. Why do we need to test them? If we didn't test them, we won't be able to let his grudge out. Now he doesn't have greed or lust and he is still sincere, but he just doesn't want to keep on the journey anymore. Lishan Mother, this is your plan and you shall fix it.'
Samantabhadra wants to say something but he is not good at ideas. He looks at me and looks at Lishan Mother. After a while, he just says: 'Guanyin is always right!'
...
He turns around and sees that Manjusri is also looking at him, so he hurries to add: 'Manjusri is also right! I support them!'
Three of us have formed a united battle line one after the other. Confirmed, we look at Lishan Mother and no one wants to step back.
Lishan Mother is being stared at by the three of us for a while and she says: 'Fine! Since Guanyin is always right, Guanyin shall solve this thing! Able people should do more work! Guanyin, you know him the best. Go and persuade him to continue the journey.'
I say: 'Ayyy, I am not dumb. This wasn't caused by me so why me? The only being who can order me is Buddha. Since everyone is free here, why don't we report this to Buddha and see what he thinks?'
Hearing this, Lishan Mother pauses, and she hurries to stop me: 'I don't think such a trivial thing is necessary to be reported to a busy being like him!'
Manjusri says: 'Why do you ask Guanyin to do everything? Does our Western Paradise only have Guanyin? You raised this plan so why don't you do it? You will get the merit anyway and no matter what we do, we are just your background.'
Samantabhadra firmly holds onto my sleeve and says: 'Yes! Both of them are right!'
...
Lishan Mother gives up on us and she sadly says: 'Fine! I will go and do it by myself!'
After that, she turns around and leaves as if she is going to sacrifice her life.
The room falls back to silence again.
...
Manjusri: 'This is not our fault. This is like: a wife pays a pretty girl to try her best to seduce her husband and at the same time she doesn't want him to cheat. This is not fair. If they want to receive the scriptures, they shall be able to. If not, they shall have the freedom to not go. Letting others to go through so many difficulties and then testing them with secular attractions are so hypocritical. This is not a virtuous act.'
Samantabhadra says: 'Yes, you are right.'
I say: 'Manjusri, why are you so radical? Maybe she just wants to see us in women's dress.'
Manjusri: '...'
Samantabhadra is shocked: 'This idea was brought up by her and I thought this was a great idea!'
I: '...'
We look at each other. Manjusri says: 'Okay, we shall never talk about this incident ever in the future. We'd better not talk about this within a few thousands of years.'
After a while, Samantabhadra suddenly says: 'What will Lishan Mother do?'
Manjusri is no an ordinary radical: 'How will I know? She never comes up with a good plan. Probably she will marry you to Sha Wujing and just a few days later you will "die" a violent death caused by a random yokai from somewhere. After that, he shall be cut clean from the secular world again.'
...
All of us begin to be anxious.
This is really something that can be done by Lishan Mother!
We are getting more scared and we decide to go out to watch what is going on in the backyard.
We walk to that room and hear Sha Wujing saying: 'Madam, you misunderstood me. I didn't mean to marry your daughter. I just want to pay her back because she is nice to me. I was a deity for thousands of years and a yokai for hundreds of years, during which no one ever cared for me. Your girl is so nice that I can only be a labor here to work for her in order to pay for our meeting. However, I have promised Nanhai Guanyin that I would guard my shifu to Western Paradise. I have become a Buddhist. If I marry someone on Earth, it will be ungrateful of me. I cannot do this.'
I am touched by his sincerity.
Manjusri says: 'If she asked me to solve this, I will just let them sleep for a night and show our true identity. If he is lascivious, he will repent. If he just wants to pay back, he will be more earnest on the journey. This should be a simple task. How could she make this so complex?'
At this moment, Lishan Mother says: 'You just don't want to marry my girl, right?'
Sha Wujing says anxiously: 'I just want to be nice to her and pay back! I have no other intention! I am not greedy or whatever! I swear!'
I say: 'We cannot just watch this here. She is doing a sting operation which if known by others, will do no good to our Western Paradise's face!'
Manjusri says: 'This sounds easy, but it will be hard to stop her performance! She just wants to find some fun because she is bored of being a deity for a long time! Guanyin, you are the smartest among us. If you can manage this, I will back you up with everyone in my Wutai Mountain if Li Jing is going to argue with you about his son!'
Well, now I have got everyone from both Emei Mountain and Wutai Mountain. Strangers will probably think I am going to start a gang fight.
I: 'Really?'
Manjusri says: 'Really. We will agree with whatever you say. If the Heavenly King Li dares to say no, I can take everyone with me to the Heavenly South Gate!'
...
Please don't do this.
After all, we have had this peaceful relation with Heaven for thousands of years. Tathagata likes to make horrible ideas and plans together with Jade Emperor. If you fight Li Jing, it will signal a declaration of war. By that time, Tathagata will not find someone who can make horrible ideas or plans with him. He will be very upset.
Solving this incident can be difficult but it can also be easy.
I say to both of them: 'There is an easy way. There is also a difficult way. The easy way will lead to more troubles, but the difficult way will clean every mess.'
Samantabhadra drags my sleeve immediately: 'Guanyin, don't keep us in suspense! We aren't your followers!'
I say: 'Let's talk about the difficult one. We shall knock Lishan Mother out and send her back to her base. Then, we also come back home and just leave these monks here.'
Manjusri says: '...The aftereffect will be scary. Let's not do this.'
I say: 'Well, the easy way will be asking for help from the little monk Xuan Zang to let him chat to Lishan Mother. I believe that no one can survive in round 1.'
Manjusri and Samantabhadra glares eyes big and both say: 'This is a good solution!'
I look at them amiably: 'So, who will go to ask the little monk?'
They look at each other and both step back.
...
In conclusion after our discussion, the problem shall be solved by the problem-causer, Samantabhadra. However, he says that he is scared of the Golden Cicada the most. Although he is not afraid of his chatting ability, he feels uncomfortable when the Golden Cicada being touched by his own words has wet eyes looking at him.
Samantabhadra is too kind. He cannot bear others' tears and his sense of guilt will kill him.
We don't believe in his excuse, so we reject him and ask him to do this task.
Samantabhadra has to do it anyway. He carefully transforms to the girl to make sure he looks exactly like the previous transformation, and then he goes to search for Xuan Zang. He walks to the house where the four monks live. Before he can put his foot in, he is pulled aside by someone behind a tall tree.
Zhu Bajie stands there with his big fat belly and he sniffs his pig nose, shly covering his face with his pig ears: 'Aiai sister, I know you like me. To be honest, Old Zhu likes you as well, but shifu is too stubborn and he doesn't allow me to stay.'
I: '...'
Manjusri: '...'
After a while, Manjusri says: 'We don't even know who has what names made by Lishan Mother, but this stupid pig can distinguish.'
I say to Manjusri: 'By the way, I think Lishan Mother is not 100% wrong. We have been a deity for too long and we have not seen such an amusing scene for thousands of years. Just this plot is enough for me to laugh for three hundreds of years.'
Manjusri says expressionless: 'It is enough for me to laugh for five hundreds of years.'
We both share our eyesight with Samantabhadra. We can see what he sees, and he can hear what we say. Now he hears our chat and says: 'Can't you just laugh together!?'
Manjusri: 'No, I need to save it and laugh a little at it bit by bit.'
...
Zhu Bajie is scared by Samantabhadra's confusing words and he looks around: 'Sister, what were you talking about?'
He has checked that there is no one else here and he takes out a letter from his chest, giving it to Samantabhadra affectedly: 'I wrote this letter with the blood from my beating heart. Please don't drop it!'
After that, his eyes are wet from parting sorrow and he straightens his body, walking away.
Samantabhadra opens the letter after he has gone. A few lines written with blood are on the letter:
"My love, it is our fate of meeting but not of staying together. High hills and waving waters shall separate us. May you keep this letter from me. As long as the Sun and the Moon are there, the wisp of my affection will not diminish."
Samantabhadra says feelingly: 'I didn't know this Zhu Bajie knew how to write poems. I am now also a guy who has received a love letter!'
I: '...'
Manjusri says: 'No, I have to watch him. He cannot think well, and he will get lost in this!'
After what, he pushes the door to walk out, but he is also being dragged aside by a hand to under a tree. He looks back and sees Zhu Bajie.
Zhu Bajie bashfully covering his pig face and says: 'Zhenzhen sister, you probably won't believe it, but I have fallen in love with you at the first sight...'
Samantabhadra: '...'
Manjusri: '...'
Alone in the room, I laugh and roll on the ground, almost breaking my breath: 'Hahaha! I can laugh at this for eight hundreds of years!'
Manjusri gnashes: 'Guanyin bodhisattva, our friendship is over. Fuck off.'
Zhu Bajie didn't hear this and he is still immersed in his own mind sadly: 'You cannot abandon your family rules whereas I cannot break my precepts. We could have been a couple, but the secular must be away from the monks. I wish I could have met you before I became a monk. Too late.'
Manjusri: '...Guanyin, I guess you can laugh at this for all your life.'
I say seriously: 'No, this scene is moving. I will be touched for a long time.'
Zhu Bajie takes out another letter from his chest to Manjusri: 'I hope we can meet each other after a hundred years!'
...
Manjusri says: 'Ok, I have to agree with Samantabhadra's idea that we should ban our coworkers from crying. We can change this rule to "Ugly people cannot cry".'
Zhu Bajie walks away and Manjusri opens the letter on which a few lines are written:
"My fate of blue lanterns and Buddhist statues of loneliness has been decorated by you like stars in a night sky. Even though the distance between you and me is more than a universe, I can feel the warm coldness you sent to me. Darkness everywhere, but your glow slices through the sky and cuddles my frozen body.
My love, I wish we will have such a karma in our next life. You shall be at this side of the sea and I will be at the origin of the rivers. May my love go through mountains and hills, through hundreds of thousands of rivers, coming to your feet. You shall see the shadow of reflection of our previous life by then.'
Manjusri: '...I actually think he writes well.'
After a while, Manjusri says: 'No, I cannot let him pass.'
Relaxed in the room, I jump up after hearing his words: 'Ah!?'
Manjusri says: 'You need to go out as well. Zhu Bajie must have a letter for you too.'
Samantabhadra says: 'Yes. I am shameless now. If you don't go out, I will throw you out.'
Manjusri says: 'Troubles will never come alone. Guanyin, do you think you can avoid this? Hurry up to get your love letter!'
This Zhu Bajie has a deep root of feelings for every pretty girl he sees. He likes one when he sees one, and he thinks every one of those girls likes him. What a pig he is!
Thinking in this way, I believe that I should go out as well. If only I don't have a love letter while two of them have, it will be embarrassing for me.
Therefore, I walk out as well to embrace my fate.
I think a balance can stimulate our friendships.
However, as soon as I open the door and Zhu Bajie standing under a tree sees me. His resting ears suddenly rise up due to some random stimulants and he jumps high, running away as if I was a ghost.
???
WHAT?
Am I scary?
In order to not be laughed at by Manjusri and Samantabhadra, I call him: 'Little Zhanglao, where are you hurrying to?'
Zhu Bajie is stopped by my call and his body freezes. He doesn't turn to me, but he walks backward with sweat carefully: 'Girl, what's up?'
I say: 'Why don't you walk like a normal person? Why were you running? Did you do something bad?'
Zhu Bajie looks at the ground nervously: 'No, I didn't.'
I say: 'What a coincidence! My room faces the courtyard and the pond as well. I just saw you giving a letter to my eldest sister and then another letter to my second sister. Where is mine?'
Zhu Bajie grits his teeth and looks at me, sighing: 'Ay!! You didn't know it! Old Zhu also has—'
He pauses and looks around painfully: 'Old Zhu is afraid of nothing but my fellow. That horse breeder monkey is not a reasonable one. Although I like you, I don't dare to take you from him!'
...
...
Although I like to tsukkomi, there are too many things I can pick at from his words and at this moment I don't know where I should start with.
What kind of misunderstanding does he have of his fellow that he defamed him so much?
Manjusri says: 'Okay, I can laugh at this for all my life.'
Samantabhadra says: 'I will save it until they arrive at Western Paradise successfully.'
Manjusri says: 'Guanyin, you are so cute. I will be happy whenever I think of you from now on. You are such a treasure of Western Paradise.'
Samantabhadra is stubborn and says: 'Why don't you ask him again if he has a letter for you as well?'
Wow, you two really have leisure time, but you are just standing in front of their house and one standing in the courtyard without any pretending. Aren't you afraid of being recognized?
I was going to ask them to hide, but Zhu Bajie catches my hand, his tear falling down his pig skin: 'Although I am a born lover, I will not take my fellow's girl!'
...
...
Do you have any misunderstanding of the word "Girl"?
I think that it is probably because he saw me with Sun Wukong. The monkey is not stupid enough to uncover my true identity in front of Zhu Bajie. Since I the Guanyin is here, the other three will be no less than me, so he just drove him away. This Zhu Bajie never gives up his secular desire, but he thinks every other monk is like him. What a logical pig he is!
Manjusri cannot hide his joy from his voice. He is a radical who seldom laughs: 'Guanyin, you are really made of jokes.'
I cannot hear clearly what Samantabhadra is saying. He is probably already rolling on the ground.
Now I have understood why Lishan Mother asked us to cross-dress.
At the end, Zhu Bajie let go of my hand and walked away looking-back per step. He says sadly: 'I know I shouldn't do this, but I cannot keep it down—'
I: 'Okay, be off.'
Zhu Bajie: '???'
I though this would be over but he stops walking. He looks to me and walks back with few steps affectedly: 'I thought I could put up with this parting sorrow, yet at the moment when you cursed me, I am sure that you are no ordinary girl. You are different. I have fallen in love with you!'
...
I smile: 'If you don't let go of me, I will chop your pig head off to cook a dish.'
Zhu Bajie shivers and kneels to the ground crying: 'Then I am willing to cook for you! You are a unique one in my life! I cannot lose you! Even if you beat me, curse me, or even want to kill me, I can only let my soul be closer to you! I shall never leave you!'
...
You are such a pig of feelings.
I ask: 'Do you let go or not?'
Zhu Bajie cries hard: 'No! Now I knew it, but it is too late, but I won't leave you no matter what you say!'
I: 'Let go or not?'
Zhu Bajie says determinedly: 'No! Never!'
Manjusri regrets: 'I shouldn't have left there. Why would I walk so far away?'
Samantabhadra's voice makes me doubt that he is already laughing on the ground: 'Hahahahahahahahaha...'
I press my aching head looking at that crying fat pig and say in despair: 'Which one of you two is closer to Xuan Zang's house? Get the monkey here please.'
Xuan Zang: 'Disciple, why are the girls laughing outside the house? I think they were saying "Guanyin" or something.'
Sun Wukong covering his ears: 'No, I am not, and I didn't.'
Sun Wukong being punished to face the corner of the wall: 'I really know nothing about this...'