I heard the shuffling of feet, the hospital ambience and the constant beeping of cardiac monitors.
"I know, that's why I recorded our conversation today. I'll play it for you tomorrow morning when I come to visit." I heard the voice of the man standing in front of me. The audio playing from the tiny tape recorder wavered and stopped itself.
"So... That's what happened yesterday?" I asked him, trying to take it all in, but I was having a hard time accepting that I had been reliving days on repeat. Every day was a new day but I was the only one who couldn't experience it because I had no recollection of recent past memories. I was like a tape label constantly being overwritten every twenty-four hours. What did God intend for me to do? I thought to myself.
"Your mum is in the neighbouring ward." He said, with a pitiful expression on his face.
"Why? Was she with us that night?" Anxious feelings rose in me when I heard that my mother was in the hospital.
"I don't exactly know what happened but the doctor said she was mentally unstable last night when she was with you. I left after dusk yesterday so... I wish I knew what happened but I don't." He frowned, scratching the back of this head in a rather confused way.
"It's alright." I sighed, feeling restless.
"But she'll be discharged in her few days once she gets back up on her feet. I'll check up on her for you, so don't worry, Zo." I could tell that he was trying his best to let me know he was going to be right beside me through all of this.
"I brought you breakfast." He reached out into the red, shiny plastic bag that he was holding on to.
"Buttery sugar toast," we both said aloud. Our eyes met once more, this time I noticed the crinkle in this right eye. It was adorable.
"You know my favourite," I smiled, taking the toast from him. While I munched on it, the room slowly filled with silence and I noticed Grayson wanting to say something. I could tell he was holding back for some reason. But I couldn't understand why.
"Something wrong?" I spoke up.
"I... I'm sorry." Those words left his lips in a small whisper.
"What are you sorry for?"
"It was all my fault."
My chin lifted to meet his eyes and my brows scrunched together to form a line. "Grayson, where is this coming from?"
"That night, your mother disapproved of our planned marriage. But you and I had other plans. I wanted to marry you, Zoey. Every single day, you were the only thing on my mind. I wanted you, no matter who got in the way. I was upset that your mother wouldn't let us be together. So I took you away."
"You took me...?" I was concerned about who Grayson was turning out to be.
"In a sense. Yeah. You told me you loved me, and I thought we had to run off together in order for us to be together. Cheesy, I know." He scratched his head and chuckled very softly, even though the anxious look never left his face.
"Did we? You know, run off together?" I asked.
"We almost did. We were on our way to the airport, but you told me to stop the car. Told me you couldn't do it. You couldn't run away and leave your family behind for me. The one thing I admired about you, Zoey. You always put your family first, before me, and before you."
"I chose my family over us." I covered my mouth, biting on my lip.
"Of course, I wasn't happy about it at first. We fought and... next thing I knew, you were taken away from me." His lips quivered, his voice -- shaken. His voice slowly turned into a whisper. It was like he hadn't had any energy left to speak. "It was all my fault....I-I'm so sorry. At the same time, I took you away from your family too." His eyes watered instantly, but he managed to wipe off the rebellious tear that ran down his cheek without permission.
"No. No-no-no. Grayson, none of this is your fault." I softly grabbed onto his hand that was inches away from from mine. This man who loved me, blamed himself for what fate did to the both of us. How cruel. "You are not responsible for this. You are not responsible for anything. Don't blame yourself over something you had no control over, Grayson." I reached my hand out to cup his face, wiping the dry tears off his cheek with my right thumb.
"I didn't know whether you would come back to me, Zo. I didn't know what to do so I stopped visiting you a month ago." He eyes drifted down to the floor in shame.
"Hey... C'mon, you were doing the right thing." I smiled sweetly, rubbing his cheek. "Knowing my condition, it was right for you to get on with your life. It would be selfish of me to ask you to wait for me like this. It's not realistic. I know it sucks, but hey, it's life." While I said those words to him, my heart told a different story. I wanted him to wait. I wanted him to stay. I wanted him. But I knew I couldn't have him.
"Grayson, thank you for loving me. For being there for me. For taking care of me. I am so grateful." I held onto his hand. "But you and I on different paths now." Tears filled my waterline. "We need to let each other go." It broke my heart to hear it come from my own mouth, but I knew it was the right thing to do and say.
"I know... Zoey, I... I want to tell you something. I'm migrating to Canada." My heart sank.
"You are?" I raised my eyebrows in shock. "Good for you," I heaved out an apologetic sigh. "When are you leaving?"
"In three days." He said.
I looked at the man standing in front of me. I didn't remember him. I didn't remember his face. Yet I knew he was the one for me. I felt like I knew him -- his heart. I nodded and let him leave the room.
Just so I could cry out the gut-wrenching pain I felt at that moment. That day, I was thankful for this fate.
Dear God, please erase everything by tomorrow.