I was looking at the roof with a half-naked Rose cuddled against me. My hand close with energy flowing through it, a way to focus on something else… it didn't work.
I know I said I wasn't in the mood last night, but Rose can be pretty… persuasive. Particularly after she knows that you choose her over the option of making your own "Harem".
Relaxing and taking that weight off my shoulder made me think about the last few months and helped me see things from another perspective for all night.
But despite how much I think about it, I still don't get why Hope hid her relationship from me.
Wasn't there really a single moment for her to tell me?
I was distant but we ate together at least a couple of times a week. We train together almost every day.
I neglected my sister?... Yes, and I shouldn't have done it. The system, the missions, and my love life were chaotic to say the less, but that was no reason to avoid telling me that she met someone.
Also, she escaped before I could ask more about them… and I found out that I know nothing about them.
-They met in the library about four months ago
-He is smart and started working at the armory creating new weapons.
-They have been together for a month… at least officially (something tells me that is more than a month).
-If she is sleeping with him… at least she is being responsible (can't really judge her here… I don't think I was together with Rose even a month before our first time).
And… that's all. Not enough to know if I can let him come with us, but I would also prefer if Hope stays with us even if it's more dangerous.
What can I do about that?
The energy in my hand stopped moving with the formation of a small gray marble, it took a lot longer than I thought but I wasn't really focused on it.
Also, it was a lot weaker than the one I made for Hayley.
'She woke up.'
I gave a mental nod to Dante… I moved Rose to her side of the bed and left her with a kiss on the forehead.
I moved out of the room towards Hope's.
*knock*knock*
"…"
No movement.
"Don't play dumb I know you are awake."
…
"Come in…"
I opened the door and found Hope wearing a light green pajama that I gift her last year. Her hair was a mess, something that happens when she moves too much while sleeping, her eyes were only half-open and a little red. She clearly didn't sleep well.
Not sure if she can answer everything while being sleepy, so I got one vanilla late with extra sugar from the system… her favorite and one of the few ways she drinks coffee.
She took the cup looking avoiding eye contact.
"I'm sorr…"
…
"Don't… I have no right to tell you what to do or how to feel… I want you to be happy, but if you hid this from me it means that you either had a great reason, or that deep inside you knew that something is wrong with him and hid it because of that. I want to know which one is."
She still avoided looking me in the eyes. She took a deep breath while figuring out where to start.
From her confused mind, I could feel that the answer was a lot more complex than I expected.
She took a deep breath and after a sip of coffee, she started to talk.
"As you know we met about four months ago when I started working at the library. I know that I told you that we have been together officially for a month, the truth is that it started before that. We had lunch and hang out together a few times even after he left the library. I spent a lot of time with him, we became close friends and talked all the time about our fears and worries in this new world…"
I didn't say anything, I already felt guilty about neglecting her, usually, the best friend role would have been Rose's, but because of our relationship, Rose had to split her time with both of us leaving less time for them to talk.
"Do you remember when we hunted the corrupted beasts?"
She finally looked at me.
I just nodded with my head.
"Our first kiss happened around that time."
She said with a soft smile on her face…
"Then you have been hiding it for about two months…"
"At the time I didn't know what to do… I wasn't sure about telling anyone because I didn't know what it meant… I only told Rose…"
The smile disappeared from her face…
"Do you know what she asked me when I told her?"
I tried to think about it for a second and some of her words from yesterday came to my mind.
"His ability…"
"Exactly… I never thought about it, but having an ability means status… and he has none… I wanted to figure out how I felt about him before telling you… a powerless extra person in the group would have been dead weight in your eyes. I thought that I was just having fun… but a couple of weeks I understood that it wasn't only "having fun" I really had feelings for him. I understood that the feelings were mutual and asked him out "officially"."
"Why didn't you tell me at that time then?"
…
"Cause-effect."
"???"
"Before we left to hunt the last beast you gave me a power… that power helped me understand my feelings… but with it, I understood that if I told you about him at that time there was a chance that it would end at the time we leave Green Shelter…"
That is a lot more confusing than I expected.
"I can know the result of certain actions with the knowledge I have, I can't see the result if there is a certain variable, I don't know anything off… at that time telling you about me and Joel would make things more difficult for us…"
"What?!?!?!"
"At that time the chances of staying together after I told you were close to zero. I needed to wait for a moment in which you could at least give him a chance to prove himself…"
"You… manipulated me into giving him a chance."
"No… into giving us a chance."
I don't like it, but being honest I don't see many other options at that point… if I knew that letting someone know about my relationship would mean it was doomed, I would have done the same.
"Care to tell me what would have happened if you told me at that time?"
"An extra problem for you to figure out. With all the problems you had, dealing with the spot left in the Aes Sidhe was forgotten, but Joel's presence would have made it a more notorious, and with it being a problem easier to solve you would have done it faster. Without you knowing Joel you would just delay that decision for later or even not making it, leaving it open as you did."
"If that was the result you saw, you are saying that he is not good enough to be in the group and would have lost against the other candidates we had in mind."
"Megan and Cecily have powers and Mr. Ryan already showed us that he could help us, also he is Hayley's dad… so yeah, he would have lost if you decided to fill the Aes Sidhe at that time… Back then his projects weren't even prototypes, so he had nothing to compete with, besides being my boyfriend, he didn't have any achievement to show off. He wouldn't even have a chance to fight, I decided to wait for him to have a chance before telling you."
"So you hid it on purpose to manipulate his chances… how long you planned to wait? Did you tell G to get his support and enhance his chances???"
"Noo, G found out by chance when the queen bee thing started… he met Joel while working together at the armory and Joel kind of told him that he had a girlfriend… in the end, G force him to tell him who it was and talked to me as soon as he found out…"
"He didn't tell you to come clean with me?"
"Of course, he did, but when I told him that I had my reasons to wait, he said that it would be fun to see the pain in your face… he didn't know for how long we have been together."
… I have to kick his a*s in the next training.
"You didn't answer… when were you planning to tell me, we are leaving soon."
"I have planned to tell you this week after they finished the vehicle and test the new prototype made for me, but when Rose told me what happened with Hayley, I decide to do it… I'm really sorry, I didn't want to leave him without giving us a chance."
It made sense… and thanks to my mind reading, I know that she isn't lying.
I hate to admit it, but all of what she said was true… if I wanted to fill the Aes Sidhe before leaving, I should have done it a lot of time ago to make the preparations… subconsciously I delayed that decision because of Hayley's situation, but knowing more people are on the run for it would have pushed me into making the decision sooner…
Even if he was her boyfriend it was unlikely to pick an average guy like him over an Esper or a known engineer.
"Okay… I believe you."
She looked at me with her tear-filled eyes. She jumped to me and surrounded me with her arms squeezing me.
"Thank you!!"
"Don't misunderstand, I just forgive you for not telling me sooner… if he really wants to come, he will have to prove himself… and that's not going to be easy."
I couldn't help but smile a little as a lot of ideas filled my mind….
Hope trembled when she noticed…
"Tell him to join our training."