Twenty feet away from me was a burning tower, ashes floating up into the sky as its flames slowed and dwindled down to simmering embers. I was too close, way too close. I could feel the heat simmering, as my flesh blistered and peeled off under the close proximity to the burning structure. But I didn't flinch, I couldn't move.
I was paralyzed by my own incompetence and failure, and it made it seem that what was burning, was more than just a building, it was also all the promises I had built up. One event, has brought everything down in a cascading wave of failure and self mockery. I burned.
The flames licking and caressing my skin in its own benign method of berating. It blamed me too, mocked me, and it punished me. The possibilities of 'ifs' ran through my mind, as I wondered what it was that I could have done different.
What choices could I have made or stopped myself from making, at this point even with all of my questions I received no answers. None was forthcoming, not even from the depths of my soul and mind, and the fire burned harder.
I took a walk, and everything burned, the stench of failure was in the air and its arid smog threatened to choke the life out of me. But still I didn't sway, I didn't cry out or scream, I just burned.
The path I had taken was littered with jagged sharp rocks that found their way into my bare feet, making me paint a trail of bloodied foot prints and smoking flesh, I felt hollow. And that's when I saw them, each lined up one after the other, all 76 of them.
Blood poured from their eyes as they pointed accusing fingers at my face. Their eye sockets were hollow, as if someone had plucked their eyes out to prevent them from seeing a future. I opened my clenched fist and a bevy of slick eyeballs dropped down to the ground, they fell endlessly until all I was standing on was a valley of eyes, each and every single one of them accusing, judging and sentencing.
It was the truth, I did this, I may not have pulled the trigger, but it was my hunger for power that pushed someone else. But what was I supposed to do? What could I have done.
They came closer, putting me in a ring as they circled around me, their palms cupped together as they pointed it all bloodied and bruised at me. And in their hands, they held their still hearts, blackened with soot and disease, failing and dying even without a beat. They were just kids, all of them. And I failed them. I made promises but when it really mattered I fucked up massively, God! Why would it hurt so much, why all this guilt.
I looked at them, unable to maintain eye contact on account of their missing eyes, that still stared daggers at me from their place among the million accusatory eyes that littered the ground. They stepped closer, their blood tears flowing harder, as the painful wails and cries of children shook the air.
"If you want to blame and judge me for this, then...judge me. I should have done better and fought harder, or at the very least talked it out or something else. I'm guilty, I'm guilty." And they chanted in agreement with me.
"Guilty! Guilty! Guilty!......"
"Ka....el"
"Guilty! Guilty! Guilty! Guilty!"
"KAEL!"
I shot upwards startled awake by the loud voice. Almost immediately I had to fight a painful groan as I felt severe aches from my neck, all the way down to the base of my spine. For a vampire that could heal, that was saying something, and a testament to how long I've been waiting outside the hastily built clinic, on a rather old and rickety chair that I'm not sure how it got here.
But apart from my pain, the effects of my nightmare still haunted me, it was as if I could see blood plastered on the ground, and eyes appearing out of thin air to judge me.
I felt scared, and not because of the contents of the dream, but because I felt I deserved it. What was wrong with me? This situation hit me a lot harder than I expected, and even more so when I knew I was going to be a father soon.
If I couldn't even protect these children, then how the hell was I supposed to protect my own flesh and blood. Would I be making the same mistakes as my parents and being a complete failure as a father.
"Its only a dream husband. You don't have to dwell too much on it."
I heard Asha say behind me. She's been here with me for the past 8 hours, watching over me as I hastily unsealed the children, and waited as Malek and Farina tried to find a way to save them. My eyes have not closed, not once, until a few minutes ago, and along came a nightmare that highlighted my incompetence in weirder manner.
"You don't know that Asha, and you shouldn't be here. It's crucial that you rest, the babies..."
"the babies are fine!" she interrupted me.
"But their father is not, and I don't think they would appreciate it if I let him mope and wallow in a pool of self pity and blame, over a situation that was not his fault. I know you Kael, I know the kind of heart you have, and the annoying penchant you have to place the guilt and troubles of the world on your own head. The truth of the matter is that you couldn't have done anything to prevent this, and what you could do, you've already tried. So rather than doing this, be hopeful for them."
She didn't understand, how could she not understand! This was not something that was so simple and a pep talk would get rid of. Was she really attaching enough importance to this situation, children were dying, 76 of them. And it was all my fault! I was the catalyst for this disaster.
"You might think I don't understand, but I do. I'm your wife and believe me I wouldn't ever lie to you about anything, especially not in a situation like this. You tried to help them, and things went sideways and a tragedy occurred. Good and fine it's tragic and painful, and you might be partially responsible, but this is LIFE! Suck it up, deal with it and move on. Because there are still children like that in this pit that could use your help, and the best way to honor and make reparations, is to make sure no one else has to go through something as painful as this again. You're the freaking Lord of the Blue district, act like it!"
I think she was angry now, but that didn't stop her from coming up behind me and wrapping her hands around my waist. She rested her head on my back as I stared forward with a painful look on my face.
I heard her humming the tune to a song she had once sang to me back when I was still human, and as I stood there feeling miserable the words came forth from my memory and I sang along with her humming, within the confines of my mind.
[Oh Sacrifice, The Love In Your Eyes. It's Pain In Disguise, I Know, That You'll Find Your Dreams.
When Your Dreams Are Not Changing, And You Cannot Trust A Soul. On This Lonely Road You're Walking On, I Hope You Find Your Way.
Tomorrow Is Calling, Your Heart Beat's Not Changing, (It Tripping, Jumping, Beating On) I hope You Feel This Way]
[Sometimes You Have To Be, (Sometimes Be Alone), To Make It To your Dreams, (To Make It To Your Dreams) Sometimes You Have To Be, (Sometimes Be In Pain).
You'll Last Longer, If You Stay Stronger, Just Hold On Tight. (Just Hold On)]
That song felt weird to me, even though I couldn't stop singing it. And that was because it made me feel better, when I felt like I had no right to feel better. I don't know what I could do, but in this moment, with this woman close to me, I felt better. And it didn't seem like such a bad thing.
Soon enough I saw Malek come out of the squared building that was hastily built by Nefisat as a temporary clinic. He looked exhausted, and so did Farina who followed close behind him. These two were the oldest vampires around, and had thousands of years of extensive knowledge that I felt would be useful in saving the children, I just hoped I was right. Malek came closer and spoke to me, giving Asha a perfunctory bow in the process.
"I have an update, I have bad news, very, very bad news. And I have a weird good news. So which one do you want first?" he asked as he shoved his hand into his messy blond locks.
To be honest the moment I heard bad news, I felt a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach, horror suffused my entire being as I imagined the worst. After all, a very, very, bad news did not sound like anything good. Thankfully there was a good news, and I hoped it offset the bad news. But to be honest I had no idea which to listen to first. But it was Asha who made that decision for me, for the both of us.
"Why don't you just follow the sequence in which you listed them out."
"Very well then. First of all, the heart is crucial to any living thing, it takes care of blood circulation and is proof that, that creature is alive. Except to a vampire a heart is next to useless. We don't need it to survive, however it is still important as it houses the source of vampirism. Some call it the darkness, but I like to call it the seed.
Now while we have no use for a heart, missing something that important will kill you, whether you're a vampire or not. And for vampires loosing their heart means loosing their very being. These kids were meant to be wiped out of existence, mind, soul and body the moment that bomb went off, because without the seed, we're nothing, it's the entity that anchors us between the edge of life and death, it's what makes us the undead. The only group of people capable of surviving something that gruesome are elders, and none of those children are elders. But this is where it gets tricky.
These kids have been sealed from birth, as such the seed has not had the chance to fully implement a change in them. You, being the crazy weaver that you were thought it would save their lives if you unsealed them and let their vampiric healing factor take care of the damages, along with a little help from your runes. If it was any other injury, even an sword through the skull, then that theory would have worked. But this was a heart, and it was already blown to bits inside their body.
But you unsealed them anyway, exposing them to the full power of the way, and using a rune on them. The [HEAL] rune was it? I understand the backlash from using that Rune knocked you out for four hours straight. Making it so that you were only able to unseal and heal six of those Kids. Now here comes the bad news, unfortunately the 70 who were unable to receive help immediately, could not be saved. They're dead my Lord, we tried everything we could to help them."
My legs felt weak, and I would have collapsed on the ground if Asha was not standing so close to me and holding me up.
For a pregnant vampire, she's really strong. But 70? I couldn't not even save 10%. 70 kids died, gone with the wind, and without a chance of ever experiencing the wonders of freedom or even a smidge of a happy life. Malek was right, this was very, very bad news.
"But the Good and weird news, is that the six children you unsealed survived, even to the point of growing a new heart. But there's just one problem, they lost the seed, the very source of their vampirism, and then grew a new heart!
And since all six children are of a mixed heritage, it's impossible to know what kind of heart it is. They have the bodies of vampires, but not the heart or the source of vampirism. They're not human either, or elf, or dryad. The thing is, we have no idea what they are!"