You know that moment when you both love and hate your job? That bittersweet realization when you love and appreciate the job itself, but in all honesty, you'd rather be doing something else with your time. Nobody ever truly wishes to work part-time on a minimum wage after all.
Realizing my conflicted opinion is irrelevant regardless, for that my options were quite limited in perspective in the first place. I instinctively roll my eyes at the thought of my unhopeful future that is and will continue to be, full of sacrifices for the sake of earning a degree. I sigh deeply at my impending doom of having to pay back college debt among all other things related to adulthood. Suddenly that bittersweet feeling became a sour aftertaste left to spoil in my mouth.
Unfortunately, this outcome was a bitter result of my parents' death. All that remained were their existing debt and the eventual surrender of all property and assets as collateral and repayment. What was left over of our family was torn apart, with no connection or communication between my extended family from both sides of the family, my younger sister Scarlet and I were forced to live in an orphanage, then between a couple of foster families until I became a legal adult.
The fostering process made it most difficult for us to stay together during my adolescence; no foster family was really a good fit for the both of us, as Scarlet and I had a large age difference. Scarlet was still a baby at the time so the fostering process was almost instantaneous. However, I was already a teenager at the time, so not many foster families were willing to take both a baby and a teenager together under their care. I never really connected with any of my foster families, but I was grateful that they were generous enough to offer me a roof over my head and enough food for the day. I knew that most of them definitely signed up for the monetary gain of the foster family system, but at least they were not abusive nor manipulative. With their permission, I had also taken a couple of part-time jobs in the evenings during the week to ensure that when I became a legal adult, I would be able to take care of both myself and my own sister.
I had no friends, no support, and no kindness offered to me during those years. But I promised myself that as long as I am alive, I would never let homelessness and poverty get to us again. Although it was difficult at first to juggle both school and work, the promise to myself and to Scarlet was my emotional and mental anchor. It became the foundation to where I earned a special recommendation and direct admission to one of the most elite universities in the country once I graduated high school. With that opportunity, I proved to the orphanage and the local government that I was financially able to care for my sister and officially listed myself as her legal guardian so she would exit the foster system as well.
Fast forward a couple of years later, I'm in a safe place receiving one of the best education in the world in the city that never sleeps. Things were definitely getting better, but my special circumstances around my school admission and entrance scholarship had only covered part of my tuition fees. The hefty amount of money that I owed was to be paid after my graduation, where I was required to search only through the elite school's certified employment networks and discuss repayment plans with a coordination officer in the future. I tried not to think about my financial health, but I knew deep down I was still in extreme poverty, and that I have to do whatever it takes to ensure that I graduate to the least.
So this was me – a part-time clerk at a used bookstore finishing my shift of the day.
"Fun," I said sarcastically while frantically flipping the pages of a book.
"Mold is no laughing matter," my boss George shouted at me from behind the counter, clearly not amused at my remarks, "I can't sell these books if they actually pose a health hazard, you know."
"That's what I'm here for right?" I asked rhetorically and he chuckled from a distance. Despite paying low wages for employees, it was rather peaceful and fun working with him, which made the work less repetitive and more enjoyable.
"Well," I sighed as I shut the book in my hand, "this is the last one for the day, you'll be glad to hear that this batch is mold-free."
"Great! You're killing it!" George said in excitement as he walked out behind the counter towards the gigantic pile of my now inspected books. He looked at the mountain of hardcovers with amazement.
"Impressed?" I asked proudly.
"Yes, but I also have to clean up your mess, so no." George joked as he looked at his watch, "well look at the time, I think you have class?"
As he signaled that my shift had been coming to an end, I hurried behind the counter to collect my belongings. I quickly wore my fall jacket and popped my backpack on my right shoulder before heading for the exit.
"I will see you next week!" I shouted as I jolted out of the store.
"Stay warm and safe, Sienna!" George shouted from the store before the door had closed shut.
I stepped out into the chilly late October air, every breath I took created a thin cloud of mist that dispersed quickly away. I gently covered my head with my hoodie to stay warm and strapped my bag securely with the other remaining shoulder to get ready for the long journey back to school.
My bicycle had small rust spots that formed near the inner frames of the bike tires, the soft blue outer coating of the bike had mostly worn out and exposed the inner metal framework which seems to be deteriorating gradually with time. Despite how old the bicycle was it had always been by my side the past few years; it was a big purchase from my first paycheck as a teenager.
Realizing that there were only thirty more minutes left until my next lecture with my school being located on the other side of the city. My feet were firmly pressed against the pedals, the gears were slightly rusty and didn't rotate as well as it used to, but the fact that it's still operating gave me no right to complain.
"Shit shit shit..." I began to pedal rapidly next to the sidewalk; I had no helmet on nor was I paying attention to the road or pedestrians. There was an assignment due before class and I had to make it in time.
"Watch where you're going!" A stranger yelled at me as I passed by too quickly past him, almost knocking him down.
Oops, I thought.
"Sorry!" I yelled over my shoulder. I was going to be late for my class and I had the assignment to hand in today, thus I had no time to stop.
"I'm paying for this stupidly expensive university, the grades I will be receiving, and my degree when I get out of here. I have to do it right and I can't afford to make crappy mistakes," I repeated to myself as I prayed I would make my class without making myself sick. The October weather was definitely not friendly, and though it didn't take long for me to ride across the city, my breath ran short and I began to pant loudly, gasping breaths of chilly air.
By the time I got to my lecture hall, I was barely on time to hand in my papers to the assistant professor, who was standing at the entrance collecting the papers from whoever entered the hall. There were still some stragglers coming into the building and I sighed in relief.
"Just on time, as expected from the top student in this class," she smiled as I handed the assignment to her.
"Believe me, I try," I emphasized, but she definitely missed the sarcasm. For one of the best universities in the country, this place doesn't ever seem to have enough scholarship money for the hardest working students. It's most likely since there's no need, if you can't afford this school then you shouldn't be in this school, I thought to myself.
I walked into the lecture hall and the professor started to begin his lecture. Usually, this class was mediocre at best as it was a mandatory elective course. As it was a professional English communication course, we didn't have to do much except listen to the professor talk and assign homework. The lecture only really lasted for an hour and a half but had several extra assignments that took up a lot of my time recently.
"There's nothing due next week, I hope you all have a good weekend," the professor said and dismissed the class.
"Thank Jesus," I said to myself in relief. It was finally time to head back to the dorms. Looking forward to my nap, I quickly biked to home - or in my case, the infamous Valentino dormitories.
For a commoner like myself, luxury seemed like it was everywhere in this institution. Every day I saw excessively luxurious lounges, detailed aristocratic decor, and even concierge service in the school dorms. All-inclusive in the Valentino University experience. Of course, their "dorms" were essentially luxury condos. Each student's room was a whole apartment unit. And this was all "free" - under the assumption that you paid the ridiculous tuition bill. And if you were wealthy enough to provide a generous donation to build a new facility for the school, fund a sports team, or an extracurricular club, you got to live in one of the top floors in the dormitory all by yourself - with complimentary twenty-four-hour hotel service and accommodations.
Unfortunately, my scholarship was only enough to cover my tuition partially. This meant although I was able to receive a unit to myself, which was plenty for myself and my sister Scarlet, I eventually would have to pay for the accommodations included in my tuition fees. It was mandatory for students to choose their living accommodations within campus grounds, but it was not mandatory for them to stay there. I didn't have anywhere else to go, so I was in no way dissatisfied, we had a roof over our heads, and a comfortable one with security and safety too. It was something I wouldn't have ever believed to provide for the both of us anyway so I'll enjoy this while it lasts.
"I'm home," I said as I opened the door, looking for my sister.
"Welcome back Senna!" Scarlet crowed as she trotted towards me on her stubby six-year-old legs, diving in for a hug. She was definitely an extrovert, and so much better with people than me. I loved her so much, just being in the same room as she lifted my mood and brought energy back into my body. Scarlet was my precious and everything I did at this point was for her future, even if I had to take three part-time jobs to ensure she had good education and care.
Since it was also mandatory that students had to be part of this institution to be eligible to live in the dorms, no doubt this also included my sister as well. With some persuasion with the administration, she was able to attend Valentino Primary Institute under Valentino University's sub-branch education institutions. However, her daycare and tuition didn't come with my scholarship either, so that's also included in my never-ending list of loans to the school.
I only get paid eight dollars an hour, but I'm sure it will be fine, I thought.