You know how when you're taking a mean shit, and I mean such a long shit that your legs go numb and you gotta pull out your phone just to pass the time because that fast food you ate a few hours ago ain't moving so fast? Whenever that happens I like scrolling through my Instagram feed. Don't get me wrong, I like Facebook but on Instagram I can actually use the word 'fuck' without my grandma giving me the stink eye during Christmas dinner. I don't know if it was the stink eye smelling or her corpse, I can't remember. Rest in peace grandma. Anyways, whenever I'm scrolling through my shit while taking a shit I often see that meme that we all see, the one that says, "You are being sent to a world combining your two favorite games, what you doing?" and of course us being the nosy dipshits we are we click on the comments button and the first fucking comment we read says, "I'm going to Minecraft/Fortnite to get that dub!" and immediately we regret our decision and contemplate hanging ourselves with the toilet paper right beside us. But you know it's almost impossible to hang yourself with toilet paper and you're too lazy to go get the rope so you just sit there on the magical throne of shit-taking, thinking "Oh I wonder what would really happen if my two favorite games were fused together?" Well quit wondering, it ain't that fucking fun. I should know because that's the story of my life. A pure damn fuckery of an RPG system in a world of cute colorful pocket monsters that want to murder your ass and slaughter your whole family. Yeah, great fun....
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That day was just like any normal day. After a good 20 minutes in the bathroom of that old chinese place across town I was feeling pretty light.
"Fuuuuuck I feel so much better! That is the last time I'm eating spicy chinese food after a long night of drinking."
"You said that last time Rook." This of course was said by my snobbish yet dependable best friend, Mark Connelly. He's a big guy, sophisticated, athletic, hard-working, basically everything I am not. His grandpa hit it rich when he accidently found an oil deposit on the land he owned somewhere in Utah. He sold that land to a huge company and made enough money to start his own company. Ever since, him and his family has lived a good life full of fine wine, tuxedos and money, lots and lots of money. With his sandy blonde hair, buff build and that little aura of sophisticated grace only money can buy he never has had any problem with attracting the whorish or the innocent and everything in between. My favorite part about Mark is that you can always rely on him to take care of the check.
"Aw don't be so hard on him Mark, you know how he gets when he drinks a lot. " And this was said by our good friend Zack Price. He's the kind of of guy who'll help and old lady cross the street, shit he'd carry her groceries for her too, he might even bake her a batch of cookies, it wouldn't surprise me. "Anyways we've got an hour left before the store opens so we might want to get there before everyone else does."
"We've only got an hour!? God damn Rook, could you take any longer? "
"I don't think I'm quite finished. I think I'm gonna go back."
"Do that and when you come out I'll rip you a new asshole." This bundle of sunshine is Sally Tunstall, A.K.A. the lesbian emo chick that's always threatening to cut my balls off. Thing is, I have no clue why.
"Anything to get you to see me with my pants off, who knows what you might see" I say with my trademark smirk as I head back to my golden throne of shititude.
"Disgusting, why can't you be more like your brother?"
"Tammy you just broke my poor, wittle heart" I began to fake a pained expression but she smacked me before I had a chance. Tammy Banks was probably the most normal out of the 5 of us. She's not rich like Mark or has a big heart like Zack and she didn't have Sally's attitude or my idiotic intelligence. She's just Tammy, the girl who dreams of being captain of the cheerleading squad and going home with the quarterback of the football team. The quarterback in question is my brother and as for the cheerleading captain, I know for a fact she goes home with him every night. How do I know this? Because we share an apartment with thin walls.
"Let's just go. Its a 30 minute walk from here so I don't feel like missing the bus. It's almost here." said Tammy as she was dragging me towards the door.
In my delightment of the complete emptying of my bowels I completely forgot to introduce myself. Joshua 'Rook' Mcentire, pleasure to meet ya. I would shake your hand but seeing as how y'all are just fictional characters following my life story I don't feel the need. Not really much to say about me, I'm the brains of our little group, the smart guy who's talked his way out of and into a lot of things. One of those things not being Sally's or Tammy's pants. Ever since my balls dropped i've been trying. I keep telling Sally that if she comes home with me for one night I'll fuck the lesbian right out of her. Of course, she threatens to make my little friend just a bit more little. And to this day I wonder why she stays mad at me.
We left the chinese place and walked to the nearest bus stop. The bus was already there so we just paid our way and hopped on. Seeing as there was nobody on the bus we all made our way to the back and sat down.
As soon as the bus started moving it was like clockwork…..
BAM
BAM
BAM
BAM
BAM
All of us pulled out a 3DS and started playing Pokemon. Weird for a group of college kids to play on a kid's toy, that's probably what you're thinking and I couldn't agree more! Thing is, Pokemon gave me the friends I have today! All of our living situations differ but yet we still all ended up in the same daycare. What more is that we were the only kids in the daycare! The daycare was called 'Little Tykes All Day Babysitting Service' and I fucking hated the name. It operated Mondays through Saturdays. Most of us stayed there only Monday through Friday, from 7 to 4. Mark and I would stay from 6 to 8 everyday. His dad had meetings and visits and parties to go to, at the time his grandpa was in the hospital with lung cancer. My mom on the other hand worked 3 jobs just to make ends meet and my brother was in the first grade. Because of that little extra time, Mark and I quickly became best friends. And every morning, when the kind old ladies who ran the daycare would let us pick something on TV when it was our turn we would always pick Pokemon. We loved the colors and the awesome monsters and the others quickly got interested as well. In the afternoons we'd reenact the battles we saw on TV and eventually started making up our own. As the days went by and we got older our friendship became closer and our love of the childish game grew with each new addition. It's gotten to the point now that, as college freshmans, we still competitively battle each other. We don't do it unhealthily, if that's what your thinking, we have a life outside of our games but we still are a close knit group. All 5 of us have been through a lot together and I love these guys. They are my family and I'd hate to see anything bad happen to them...
BOOM! CRASH! BANG
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" WNCCTV reporting live from the scene of the accident. As a bus was preparing to stop, an 18 wheeler crashed into the back of the bus, killing all 5 passengers. The driver of the 18 wheeler was distracted and failed to notice the bus stopping. The bus driver escaped with minor injuries. The victims have all been identified. Their names are Sally Tunstall, Mark Connelly, Zachary Price, Tammy Banks and Joshua Mcentire. Please send prayers to the 5 victims families, the 5 will be dearly missed.....