Whoosh…
The night breeze picked up.
Rin was looking at the golden-eyed boy with a burning gaze, peering deep into his eyes while looking for any trace of a lie. Soon however she came to realize that her search was bound to be in vain, for the youth's golden orbs were as still as a pond devoid of ripples.
"You… what you said, you truly believe in it!" She stood up and opened her mouth in utter disbelief. This caused her positive impression of the young male… to fall considerably.
"…tch!" The ashen haired beauty gritted her teeth, "To think you'd actually be so idiotic you'd even fool yourself to believe your own lies… I truly overestimated you!"
"…" Cheng Hao merely smiled without uttering word.
"See? Even now you are covering your own eyes, unwilling to see the truth! You claim your actions are no longer following your emotions, your anger, but how could that be?" Rin waved her hand in clear refute of his words: "It is obviously false! I clearly saw that bone chilling hatred, that anger and wrath deep within you that had been etched deep in your mind! A feral beast even greater than mine! One that never stops to demand its fill!" The girl's dull gray eyes widened and she exclaimed with a commending tone. "And yet, how come you say it does not drive you any longer? You can't possibly ignore it, so deep it is within your cognition! You are clearly keeping it very close to your heart! All that talk about the booming warsong quieting down, and yet it is so loud even I can feel its presence! You... you- Uh?"
Suddenly, the young girl shut up as she seemed to realize a discrepancy between what the youth had said and her words.
She raised her head and her doubts were dispelled as her pupils dilated in horror and glanced over at the child sitting by her. She immediately brought one hand to her mouth, blocking it from screaming as her whole body began trembling.
She had always been extremely empathic and capable of understanding other people's intentions and personality from simply looking at them. Even their past, she could discern by simply looking into their eyes.
Right now however, this gift was more like a curse as she had to refrain herself from puking.
"The 'beast' is very deep, you say… That's right, just as you claim, it is in someplace by my heart, delved as deep as I could dig in my conscious and my self." Cheng Hao's voice reached her ears. What seemed like black mist had at some point began rising from the ground as what little light had been illuminating the world disappeared, replaced by a blackness where only a pair of golden-blue eyes could be discerned.
Looking at those eyes flickering between gold and blue, the girl's conscious was overrun by terror. She became unable to breathe, and her legs eventually gave out, making her fall on her knees. As she lay there, the irrational feeling that the world was on the verge of ending welled up in her mind and tears welled up in her gray eyes, wetting her ash colored eyelashes.
Right there and then, just as she felt herself on the verge of blacking out, the child heaved a sigh, "However, unlike what you say, this one beast… I CHOSE to keep."
"IT is now a separated part of myself. This…" Cheng Hao waved his hand and pointed at the darkness, "This anger, this hatred, this suffering; it is not me anymore."
And with those words, the blackness disappeared and the gray robed girl fell on all fours, panting heavily.
To think that the first time in years her breath would be heard by a person would be under such extreme circumstances…
"Anger… is not rational. Being guided by it will only lead to chaos. What I am being lead by is me, myself and a cruel fate. Anger is but one of the steeds I will use to thread the path a bit quicker." Cheng Hao stood up and patted some dust off his clothes, "However, coming to realize such a thing is easier said than done, and actually incorporating it is even harder. Even I can't say what I would do if the target of such feral wrath were to appear offering his neck to my hands… However, that person is not the sole beacon guiding me now. It took me a very long time to realize, but I have people to care about, protect, and get back to, a light although much less captivating, still bright and awaiting me nonetheless."
"The bloodthirsty warsong, it is deafening to this day. However, compared to their voices, it is indeed not loud enough."
"The war flags I once waved to announce carnage, I now wave in the hope of helping us all reunite."
"The world I once longed to dye red in blood, I now wish to travel and explore alongside them."
"Whether you can understand this or not, will be a crossroad in your fate, one that will spell your future." Cheng Hao looked down at the panting girl with an emotionless gaze, "But even more important will be how honest you will be to yourself: the sooner you realize that your anger will not go away no matter if you accomplish your goals or not, the sooner you will stop in your tracks and be able to tame it."
"You are right that we are alike… however, that 'we' simply doesn't include the 'me' of now. You are exactly as I used to be, lost on a path that I threaded without guidance long ago…"
Cheng Hao knelt by the shocked girl and gently stroked her head, "I'm not so arrogant as to say I am threading the right path now, but at least I have managed to find my own… and as one who has, I can say for sure that such search is not one bound by time, but merely by opportunities and by people who will guide you, in one way or another. Over the course of your life, you will have plenty of such opportunities to walk your own path and find out whether it leads where you had intended it to, or whether you took a wrong turn during the way and you will need to start over again. And if you'd like…"
He extended a small hand, sporting an encouraging smile. "I'll be happy to accompany you all the way and help you on your feet, just as I wished somebody had guided me long ago… and I will do my best to make you're your talent will remain yours and yours alone!"
Rin examined the extended fist. The skin covering it sported none of the smoothness of an eight-year-old child. Instead there were plenty of callouses and scars, giving off a sturdy and experienced feeling.
Ashen hair fluttered along the night breeze as the beauty stared dumbstruck at this outstretched palm that, despite being so small, appeared as big as that of a giant in her tear-filled droopy eyes.
She wanted to grab that hand. She wanted to grab that hand and rely on it so badly she could not think straight. After so many years of cursing the heavens and fate, she now would rather take them all back if it meant being able to grab that one hand!
Without even having to think, the girl raised a trembling palm. Then, as if thunder had struck, her sharp mind noticed an inconsistency and woke her up from her trance.
This, in turn, made her hand come to a stop a few inches away from the boy's fingers. At this point, she suddenly raised her red eyes and stared at him with a puzzled and somewhat accusing gaze, "But then, if it is as you said and your rage was really so great that even if you achieved your revenge it would not quell … how were you able to step onto that so-called right path if you indeed did not have guidance yourself?"
Cheng Hao's smile deepened as he narrowed his eyes imperceptibly.
Indeed, it was a good question.
When was it that he had first realized the foolishness of it all?
Was it when he first felt that feeling of true friendship with his brothers and sisters of the Evil Saint's Army?
No; even then, his laughter had just been a cover to his pain and rage.
Was it when he fought the umpteenth battle and took the umpteenth life?
No; no matter how much blood stained his hands, that had never stopped him from drawing even more.
Was it when he first saw Xiao Lan's acceptance of death and witnessed his resolve to live on for the first time?
No; even then, he had still secretly thought of it as a flawed philosophy, masking a desire of longing that could never be fulfilled.
Was it when he was climbing the final set of stairs and glancing upon Tian's silhouette atop the castle at the end of the sky?
No; at last, the back of his sworn enemy was within reach, how could his thirst for revenge and blood possibly not act up then?
Then… was it 'then'?
After those thousand years of darkness, the feeling of living again for the first time in a millennium, the lone starry skies at night after days passed travelling alone in a foreign land had utterly torn apart his own flawed view of the world!
Breathing in and out the night breeze, gazing at the starry canopy and reminiscing of 'those times' back then had gradually yet surely wiped it all away!
Indeed: in a sense, what had really managed to wash it all off had been…