"So..."
"Uh..."
Zhao Wei and Thirteen both wanted to say something before realizing they were both ill equipped for the conversation. Should they ask about the hands, don't ask about the hands, maybe not the hands, but if not the hands then what!? Everything they could think about always came back to the hands.
'How was your day? well it might've been good at the start but then you lost your hands.'
'Done anything worthwhile? Besides losing the hand?'
'Eaten anything yet, How are you going to eat from now on without your hands!?'
One had spent almost two years in old world time in the wild while the other one's job description didn't exactly require her to be a good people person. Jeff watched both of his companions as smoke billowed from their orifices considering their next step.
"Um... don't worry man a lot of people have lived without their... appendages, sure they needed some special equipment and people to take care of them and help them with even the basic everyday activities such as eating, showering, cleaning after themselves after they've defecated..." Zhao Wei's eyes were screaming for someone to stop him, there were so many things he could've said here, heck there was so many other ways to screw up. But he said that...
Somewhere in the middle of that sentence he felt like he missed the moment to exit his rant and somehow he could no longer stop himself. His only hope right now was to keep talking and hope somewhere along the lines of this speech he'd be able to turn the meaning around with a good conclusion or something, but his prospects became bleaker by the second.
"What he means is..." 'Oh thank God!' he thought as Thirteen interjected trying to salvage the current conversation. "um.... oh!... Nope... uh... You know what, I think you explained it better just now you should finish it." She threw it back at Zhao Wei.
"Oh right, um..." Zhao Wei's mind frantically raced to think something up. "You know what, I've lost my train of thought, I don't even remember what I was talking..."
"You were listing the activities Jeff could no longer do." Thirteen answered before. From the look she gave he was pretty sure she was ready to sacrifice him first.
"Yeah... I don't remember anything like that."
"But you were just..."
"Nope, nothing like that comes to mind!"
Then they both turned back to Jeff, asking the easiest and hardest question right now. "How're you doing?"
"Don't worry bout me kid. Like you said, many have gone on living even without some of their parts.."
"Sure that's what I was going for, go on."
"I'll be just fine... besides I was getting bored of it all, guess I can look forward to some new challenges ahead, that'll keep me occupied." Jeff said, looking burnt out, "I think I should get some rest first though, lost quite a bit of blood there." He walked towards the room.
Zhao Wei sat himself back down to think. As Jeff reached the door he heard a voice call out. "You never answered the question." Thirteen had followed him back.
"What do you mean? yes I did, I..." Jeff replied.
"No you didn't, how're you doing?" She asked, leaning against the wall next to the door to look him eye to eye. Those bags and wrinkles on his face used to harbor a vigor uncommon for his age, but now they were sunken and accentuated it.
"I don't know" He sighed. "It's not like I know how I'm supposed to feel right now. But if I have to say something, I guess it's like I'm missing a part of myself."
"We could've figured something out, you didn't need to go this far." Thirteen complained.
"I did, it's permanent. Rather than follow orders or wait for the one on the other end to decide to finish the deal, I'd rather take it off by myself. At least then I'll be doing it on my terms, and just for that, I can say that I'm quite okay with this."
"Oh, all right." Thirteen commented.
As she left, Jeff was left there alone. Contemplating if he made the right choice, at some point in the battle he'd had the time to think about this. It wasn't like this part of his wasn't important to him, it really was. For a moment he was willing to shed the blood of his companions for it and he wasn't holding back.
But in that he just saw his old self, shedding blood for reasons that weren't his. Forced to work to the benefit of whoever was holding his leash. For a moment he'd been free from that, the price he had to pay to make sure he never had to go back to that again was well worth it.
But as he looked at himself now, he wondered how long that'll be true for him. Sure, right now it seemed like the right thing to do, but those change overtime. His greatest deeds turning into his deepest regrets.
And if he was completely honest, some of it was already creeping in.