I didn't understand.
Thousands of thoughts ran through my head as I slid away from the colony - none of them were positive.
'Why did they exile me?' I asked myself. 'After everything that I did for them... how could they do this to me? Their big brother that had helped them all this time. Their big brother that protected them. Their big brother that organized them and kept them together... their leader...'
Losing the drive to go forward anymore, I began to slow down as I approached the entrance of the labyrinth, but I still entered it.
The same old white walls. Nothing was different. Nothing but my thoughts.
'I didn't expect them to turn on me... my whole family... the snails I saved, the adventuring team, 11... 7... 7...' I remained on the thought of 7 - the snail who I trusted the most in the colony. Even he wanted me to leave. In fact, he was the one who told me to leave. 'I just... I just can't believe it.'
'I tried my best... the death's... all of them: the spiked-shells, my siblings... I tried so hard to save them. I even tried to mend our relationship with the spiked shells. Of course, I made a mistake, but... but why... why did they tell me to leave?'
My world had fallen apart. My siblings were my everything. They were the reason that I woke up every morning. They were the reason that I tried so hard at everything I did - it was all to protect them. But what I did I get in return? A thank you. Nope, not even one.
'Why did I even protect them?' I questioned myself.
'No.'
'NO! This couldn't have happened to me. It couldn't have. This is all a dream, right? It didn't happen, right? Tell me that I'm just hallucinating from hunger...'
I was in denial and the gluttonous voice knew as well.
I questioned myself and my fate.
'Why... why did this happen to me? Did I make a mistake trusting 7, trusting any of them?'
'What do you mean part? Was I doomed from the start when I decided to protect them? Should I have just left on my own journey and forgotten about them instead? Was that the correct choice? Heavens... please tell me what I did wrong. Please...'
...
I made up stories.
'Did they all conspire to back-stab me all this time?'
I antagonized them.
'Am I only worth that much to them? Were they just using me? Oh here comes big brother, he'll protect us 'till he dies. When he does die, then good. He's only a sacrifice so we can live.'
The gluttonous voice wasn't making it better.
...
'No.. it wasn't my fault.'
I blamed others instead.
'60! Was leaving her alive the reason! Heaven's tell me right now. I only wanted to be a good brother. A good snail. Why did this happen to me? The leaf fell. So what? It wasn't my fault. If something is to blame, blame the ancient snail and the hare's battle. If they didn't start their darned battle, our siblings and the Spiked-shelled snails would still be alive right now.'
The gluttonous voice seemed to get that I was in distress and but continued to badger me with its selfish requests.
My body began to move on its own as it began to turn around.
'Annoying.'
The voice was so annoying. Life was so annoying. So irritating.
I needed an outlet.
...
"NO! STOP! WE HAD A DEAL REMEMBER!" I yelled out as I pulled my body back forwards.
'TO HELP? WHEN HAVE YOU EVER HELPED? EVERY PLAN EVERYTHING I HAD DONE SO FAR WAS MY OWN CHOICE. WHENEVER YOU GET DRAGGED IN, SOMETHING BAD HAPPENS!' I yelled in my head as I tried to shift all the blame onto the voice.
<...>
I was angry. Angry at life, angry and what had happened. I exploded.
...
"STUPID 7. STUPID 11. STUPID 60!" I yelled out like a spoiled child.
- Before I hurt myself.
And I did.
In a fit of rage, I slapped my eye against the wall of the white corridor - the filament lined corridor of the Labyrinth of White. As you would expect, the filaments broke and latched onto my eye. With a release of tension, it tugged my eye upwards.
A pain. A sharp pain emanated from the middle of my eyestalk as it was stretched by the threads that held onto it.
Snaps filled my ears. Unable to handle my new weight, the strands broke almost immediately as I felt my body slump downwards once more.
I remember that my eyes burned, but somehow... the pain felt good. Like it was bringing me back to reality. Panting in madness, I raised both of my eyestalks once more.
But I didn't listen to it.
I swiped both eyestalks against the wall as the filaments snapped and pulled them upward.
Yes. I tried to harm myself.
I remembered that I kept on repeating: 'Maybe... the pain will jolt me from my dream...' or something like that. I'm not sure anymore. I was angry and unable to think clearly.
I was stupid. But it felt good. I felt alive again...
Fighting and overcoming the resistance that my body was giving me, I reached out and touched the filaments.
Pain. Sweet pain.
Enter the other voice. The metallic voice.
[Temperament discovered: Masochistic]
+ Gain bonus stats based on the amount of pain felt.
- Incompatible with [Skill: Euphoric Rush LV. 1]
[Convert temperament: Masochistic? Yes or No?]
Shifting my anger, I decided to yell at the metallic voice as well... wasn't I stupid?
...
"YOU'RE AT FAULT TOO!" I yelled out.
"YOU STUPID VOICE, YOU STUPID VOICES IN MY HEAD! WHY ARE YOU ALL EVEN HERE?" I continued.
...
Like an idiot, I decided to shift all the blame on both voices. Not just the metallic one. Isn't it silly? When life treats you poorly you just want to blame it on something else or forget about it.
...
"YOU ARE BOTH AT FAULT. " I yelled. "ALWAYS EAT THIS, ALWAYS EAT THAT. IS EATING ALL YOU CARE ABOUT?"
[Invalid answer. Valid are answers: "yes" and "no".]
"AND YOU... WHAT EVEN ARE YOU? ARE YOU JUST HERE TO MAKE ME FRUSTRATED AND ANGRY?"
[Invalid answer. Valid are answers: "yes" and "no".]
"WHY?"
[Invalid answer. Valid are answers: "yes" and "no".]
"Don't!"
[Invalid answer. Valid are answers: "yes" and "no".]
"You."
[Invalid answer. Valid are answers: "yes" and "no".]
"Get... it..."
[Invalid answer. Valid are answers: "yes" and "no".]
...
As the voice repeated itself, I realized that it was just a stupid dumb voice - a part of me. It didn't think. I couldn't think. It could only "analyze" and spew nonsense. How could it be the fault of anything?
In fact, nothing was at fault. It was just life. And life happened. I made choices. Some that I wasn't proud of. Some that I am proud of.
But with so many choices, how could I be at fault for something that was out of my control?
...
"It's not my fault," I muttered to myself.
"Look at me ... speaking to this useless voice that doesn't understand even basic speech." I continued to mutter under my breath as I suddenly realized how stupid I had been acting.
"No," I said.
[Are you sure? Yes or no]
"Yes," I said as I sighed.
[Answer accepted.]
'Sorry... Maybe you're right. You don't know any better. You're just like me. You're just part of me that I have to live with... just like that stupid metallic voice.' I thought as I realized that the gluttonous voice wasn't at fault either.
I took a deep breath and sighed.
'What should we do now?' I asked as I looked around.
'Should I try going back? Should I try to convince them once more?' I thought.
No matter what, my thoughts kept returning to my family. They were my everything. But I needed to move on. I needed to do me. Not them.
I paused for a few moments while I cleared my head.
'Yes... you're right for once. I can't... I won't be able to convince them anyway... It's just me and you two... you two voices.'
'But their still my... our family... you know? Why do I feel so helpless? Why are we even trying to stay alive?' I asked. 'What is my purpose in life now?'
...
And that was what I truly felt. Throughout my 22 days of life, everything I did was for my siblings. The migration, the teams, even travelling through the labyrinth. My motivation was my siblings. My siblings were my everything. Now that they decided that they didn't need me anymore... I didn't know what to do.
...
'I guess you're right. No, we are right. Why am I even moping? When has anything stopped me before?' I asked myself.
I raised my eyestalks into the air. With a light force, I slapped myself.
'Don't worry... I'm just getting the crazy out.'
I stretched my body up and adjusted my posture.
'I'm ready. Let's clear this Labyrinth and get to that fruit.'
'Mhmm..' I replied.
And I moved on.
Just like that.
I moved on.
I grew up.
...