Solomon went silent for a moment. The sound of him holding his breath and harshly releasing it made Inna look at him in worry.
Was he having trouble breathing?
But before Inna could check, Solomon removed his forearm that covered his eyes as he sat up straight. Then, he blinked furiously before looking at the roses beside their chairs.
"She was the only one who had seen the tiger and she knew that if she wanted to save the child in time, she needed to cast another speed enhancement spell. She knew what would happen if her reserve energy ran out. S-she knew but she still did it anyway..."
"I fell in love with her because of her compassion for others but at the same time, I lost her because of that. But I knew that she wouldn't have chosen any other way to depart from this world. If it is to save someone, she'd be satisfied to give up even her life, that's the way she is. But still, the shock of suddenly losing her was far too much for me to bear. It was like my skies came crashing down and my world was drained of its color. I detested myself for being so foolish and complacent. If only I had gone with her like usual, I wouldn't have had to lose her... If only I hadn't put the Academy first before her safety, it wouldn't have had to happen... I kept thinking about all these 'ifs' that it nearly drove me mad."
Solomon paused, trying to reign in the feelings of grief that came crashing back down. He missed her. He truly did. Not one day did he not think of her and how she would be so disappointed with what has happened to their family.
"A day after hearing the news, I woke up and somehow had convinced myself that it wad all a dream. I was trapped in denial. I didn't want to believe that my wife--my equal--would easily depart from the world and I wasn't even there by her side to do anything. And so, I did everything I could to avoid remembering the news of her death. I avoided going around the academy because it reminded me too much of our times when we would take a stroll during our breaks. I avoided meeting students because it reminded me too much of the reason as to why she was gone. I avoided talking to the teachers because it reminded me of the times back when we were in our humble manor by the Royal Capital, where she used to teach those little orphans. I didn't want to meet anyone and so, I buried myself in my paperwork for the Recognition test to the point that I failed to realize that I had once again lost yet another treasure in my life because of my foolishness."
Solomon laughed bitterly as he closed his eyes.
He wanted to erase those days off from his mind. He badly wanted those events to disappear as though they've never had happened. But he knew that it would forever exist not as just a mere dark stain in his past for him but as a source of trauma and grudge for thousands of people as well.
"I had abandoned the things my wife has treasured just because I was so absorbed with myself. If she saw me then, I'm positive she would've already slapped me awake before I continued on with my stupidity."
Solomon paused as he clasped his hands together. He looked at Inna with a small smile as he patted her head, trying to act as though it no longer affected him. But Inna didn't fall for it because of the obvious grief she saw in his eyes.
But she knew, after knowing him for more than a year, that what he needed right now wasn't comfort. It was acceptance and understanding.
And the reason why he suddenly wanted to talk about these things must've been because he wanted someone to know that he knew what he did was wrong and that he was repenting.
Being one of the most prominent men in the country while also holding great authority as the Headmaster of the renowned academy, he must've had no one else to confide into. And even if he had some, they must've tried to comfort him as soon as he started pointing out his mistakes by saying superficial words like, 'it's not your fault' or 'no one would blame you' and such.
Even for Inna, whenever she acknowledged her mistakes and took the blame head-on, she would always feel quite irritated to hear people take pity on the fact that she was blaming herself and would immediately absolve her of the blame just because she was 'pitiful.'
And so, after hearing such superficial words that tried to belittle his sense of responsibility, he too must've just felt irritated and betrayed with their words and ended up just ignoring them like she did.
After all, he was as self-righteous as Inna was so she knew that he wouldn't listen to comfort when he believed he had some fault. And such, the best thing she could do now was listen to his side of the story, to accept the fact that he had made mistakes, that he wasn't that perfect person people believed him to be, and to acknowledge that he was trying his hardest to repent and make it up to the people affected.
But, for some reason, despite his actions, Inna felt that he wasn't necessarily talking to her… It was like he wanted someone else to listen to him and he simply projected that person unto her as though he had no choice.
But she didn't mind. As long as he could feel better in telling her these things, she didn't mind at all.
And so, she decided to stay silent and just listen in on whatever story he decided to share to her so that he could get whatever closure he could get.
Seeing Inna's eyes glitter with knowing and understanding, Solomon knew she somehow understood the reason for his actions. Feeling his heart squeeze from being moved, he gently bit the inside of his cheek as he tried his hardest not to bawl his eyes out in front of his sweet little disciple. He always wanted a daughter, one of the greatest wishes of Salvia that he couldn't ever grant. It was because Salvia's unique constitution made it near impossible to have children. In fact, their first child was nothing short of a miracle to have been born. And that was because he had such an enormous amount of magical energy since birth that he was still able to survive despite Salvia absorbing most of his energy. But if it was just a normal child with a normal magical capability, the child would have been stillborn. And so, after their first child, they knew the risks and didn't aspire to have any more.
Sniffling, Solomon tried to continue the story he wanted to share. It was a story filled with so many regrets that when he tried to share it with his son once, he couldn't help but feel so choked up that his mouth instinctively clamped down. But with Inna, it didn't feel as heavy as it was before, and strangely enough, he was able to weave words together that actually made sense.