Inna didn't seem to mind what Raghnall just said. She was far too lost in her thoughts for her to react or even reply. Instead, she took another glance at her hands before she started to uncontrollably sob against her wishes.
Why does she have to feel this way?
Why does she have such a thing inside her?
Why does she have to live with that inside her?
She never wanted to be here.
She never wanted to have all this.
She just… Right now, all she just wanted was to go back to her fun trip in Japan.
It's already been nearly a year since she's been brought back from the dead.
But as much as she tried to enjoy her life here, it can never compare to her life with her minions, with her friends, and with her family.
Her life here might seem great with all the strange magic she could do, but after staying for nearly a year, the realization that she's alone, that she doesn't belong, and that she was entirely different was starting to get to her.
So, she tried her best to belong. She tried her best to adapt so that she wouldn't feel like such an outsider.
And through Raghnall's guidance, she was able to do it. But then, looking at herself now, she realized to see that she changed far too easily and quickly.
And truthfully, that horrified her.
She didn't want to go on anymore.
She didn't want to reach to that point where she gets too used to living in this world that she abandons her old self.
With that thought, she's now far too scared to continue with her current life.
Because she just can't help but think, what if she'll soon get used to these duels?
What if she'll adjust to its common occurrence of death?
What if she'll be like Raghnall, talking about dying and killing someone with such a normal tone as though it's such an everyday thing?
What if she'll change so much that she becomes someone that can no longer feel remorse after killing someone?
What if she'll start losing her own humanity then?
What if… she soon turns into something similar to that 'thing' that was inside her?
Emotionless, blank, and ruthless…
Someone who wouldn't bat an eyelash in killing someone she despised.
The thought alone was horrifying for her. As much as she hated the person, she was never the type to wish death on him.
She doesn't want to be like them.
To see murder as a regular thing.
To see hurting others as justified.
To see humans as mere objects.
But staying in this world, despite her wishes, she can feel her mind slowly yet unconsciously being reconstructed into a numb killing machine who's only goal is self-preservation.
And she felt that the longer she stayed, the faster she'll be changing into something she doesn't want to be.
Seeing the increasing ghastly look on her face, Raghnall was lost on what else to do.
She didn't seem to be listening, probably too absorbed in her own thoughts. So, he could only attempt to comfort her with a small side hug. He then placed his cheek on top of her head as he comfortingly caressed her arm with gentle circles.
His other hand reached inside his own spatial bag to pull out a handkerchief. Then, with it, he gently wiped Inna's tears.
After a long stretch of time, Inna finally calmed down. The last of her tears were caught in Raghnall's handkerchief as she breathed out her last sob.
Then, rubbing her eyes, she looked at Raghnall with a soft yet tired gaze.
"Hey, I've always been wondering but… why?"
Raghnall furrowed his brows as he stared at her with confusion.
"Why, what?"
Still tired, Inna leaned her head on his shoulder as she replied.
"This… all this... Why are you doing all this for me? Why do you care so much about me? You've stuck to me since day one in the academy. But why?"
Raghnall raised an eyebrow at her question.
How was he supposed to answer such a question?
But, still dwelling on her words, he looked towards the direction of the pond. And his eyes landed on the beautiful white marble statue in its center. With a soft yet sad smile, he asked her.
"Do you see the statue by the pond?"
Despite the confusion Inna felt from the sudden change of topic, she felt her curiosity take over her and so, she followed his eyes. She looked at the direction where he was looking and nearly gasped at the beautiful sight of the garden.
She'd never seen such a great array of colorful flowers in one place!
She didn't even notice it before since she was preoccupied with her thoughts. But now that she finally calmed down, she realized that the place she was in was actually really beautiful!
But then, she remembered that he talked about a statue in a pond so she looked a bit further.
And she audibly gasped at the beauty of the statue. The beauty of the woman looked ethereal, like a goddess. Her body stood tall and proud as she held a long staff with a big sphere in its topmost part. The sphere held three rings that looked like orbits on a planet. In her other hand, she held an open book. It looked like it had something on top of it but because of the distance, Inna couldn't clearly make out what it was.
Then, while Inna was busy admiring the statue, Raghnall continued to ask her.
"Is she… beautiful?"
Inna immediately replied with no hesitation.
"Very. She's very beautiful."
Then, without even so much as a warning, Raghnall changed the topic again.
"I… Although I can't imagine what you must be feeling right now, whether it came from the effects of the wine or your true feelings, I can somehow understand. The first time I... killed… someone was… indirectly done. He… he was my friend and I… I was…"
Raghnall swallowed the lump in his throat as he tried to suppress the urge to stop talking. He didn't like talking about it. He didn't like opening up old wounds. But if it meant making her feel better and for him to find even a small amount of closure in retelling the story, then he'd willingly recall the memory he so badly wanted to forget.