How long had it been? Visions of what once was danced in my peripheral view and I could not approach them even if I wanted to. The distance was just too far; it was something no human would ever be able to cross.
Though I was human solely in name only. How I wish it was not the case, but alas, life has not been the most kind to me in recent months, those had felt like an eternity to me. Is it any wonder that I have become the person that I am today?
This question was rhetoric in nature, of course, it came as no surprise why exactly I had become the monstrosity that hid inside the shell of a human body.
Was it any wonder that there was no such thing as a miracle in this world? Everything came at a price. The life I kept was not mine.
My role as a plaything was not the most appealing and if not for the lack of choice from my side, I would have done the utmost to get rid of it.
But I was not capable to choose here. No, that choice was on others to make on my behalf.
I am not seeking wisdom here or hiding behind empty sophistry. This is just a confirmation of some rather unfortunate circumstances that terrorized my existence- haunting it, slowly devouring the remnants of what was left.
I have seen many things that seemed impossible to me, but the more I learned about the world I found myself in the more I realized just how meaningless my existence really was.
Nothing more than a speck of dirt in a world, which cared so little about the likes of me, that was my fate.
Calling this an epiphany was not doing it any form of justice, no, deep down I had known all along. My perspective, my future, my very being was nothing more than an anomaly in this world. I did not belong here.
I did not know why these thoughts started to cross my mind at this exact moment, given the rather turbulent situation that took place currently, it might be unwise to spend too much time contemplating my fate.
Maybe I just needed a breath of fresh air for once, just maybe do I need to look at myself and not drown myself in the sorrow that has been welling up inside since the very first minute I had entered this world.
An interlude to regain the strength I had lost, fighting an eternal war inside this head of mine. Because as of now I was still lost inside its warm embrace, that tightly clung around me, refusing to let me go at all cost.
But now was not the time to start believing in miracles, this was not something I would ever be able to accomplish. I should be content if I manage to free myself from it on a temporary basis.
I might never be able to fully free myself, but as long as I keep striving to improve it would get better.
Collecting my thoughts seemed awfully easy when the surrounding landscape was littered with bodies and the stench of blood poisoned the air. The sky had gifted their life an impactful ending.
Longing for peace and serenity seemed so hypocritical to me. As if I had any right to demand those luxuries.
Death was a privilege here.
For the time being, I was just happy that this world was just as mad as I was. Because I had become slowly accustomed to this desensitizing lifestyle.
A single breath felt like an eternity, but the sounds of death accompanied gladly accompanied it. The dance of death showed its usual routine and its disdain for all things living became apparent.
Such is the predetermined route, which bares its ugly facade day in and day out, in this world that does not know any better. This was a gift and a reminder that life could end at a moment's notice.
So cherish it, until it is your turn to serve as an example for others.
This is the fate of all things living. There is no escape from death, regardless of how far one would run.
Breath in and breath out that is the only way you can be certain that you are still alive.
Breath in
Breath out.
An endless cycle until it was not.
The day, I die is not today. I will breathe even if its the last thing I will ever do.
Until my weak self is no more.