19 June 2010
Location unknown
Time unknown
"What will you see when you're dead?"
A chain of words crossed onto my mind as I glared powerlessly toward a charade of gray and white on the raging and storming sky. This view was the first thing I saw after whatever happened to me, and for who knows I had been passed out. That chain of words was also the first thing I thought. I didn't know why, might had been just the way of my mind telling me that I was still alive.
But still, what will I see when I die? My mind is too weak to imagine such what If. The question remained unanswered, however seeing that I was not staring into nothing must be the sure sign that I was indeed, alive. I could only blink while my whole body felt like it was swung up and down without touching any solid surface. I was not falling, it was something else.
My whole body felt wet all over, my whole body was wrapped in a damp, thick fabric. Raindrops fell onto my face and bounced off, while my damp clothes absorbed them. As my body kept swinging up and down I began to realize that I am currently drifting on storming ocean with raging sky above me, all alone.
My hearing slowly began to recover, the only noise I could hear was the sound of how the heaven sent raindrops failed trying to pierce the salty heap of the sea. It was no music, but it actually sounded beautiful to me. I admired how the ocean showed her mercy for me. Despite the raging storm and the rise and fall of tides, the ocean never even for once rolled me inside her mighty waves.
I could have drowned any moment, but it would seem the sea had her own plan. Scientifically speaking, my body's mass is not enough to press against the intensity of ocean's salt waters; that is why I was not sinking. But still, I couldn't help but think whether there was anything else in the work here.
To be honest, I didn't think I will survive this situation. Being alone in such a vast place, even if I were to squeeze my voice out, I doubt that someone would hear my desperate scream.
"..."
I tried it, even. I tried to force my voice out, nothing came out. The hopelessness of the situation, the cold within the damp cloth which wrapped my frail skin, the soothing sway of ocean calming from a storm's lullaby, and the chiaroscuro the sky played as the rolling clouds which hid its true heaven faded to clear sky had somnolent effect to which my weak body was unable to resist. Slowly but surely, my eyes were losing their battle against sleepiness.
"..."
"Someone is floating out here!"
"..."
"Help him!"
"..."
"Ready?! Hoist!"
"..."
"Is he alive?!"
"Is he breathing?!"
"How did he ended up here?!"
"..."
"His heartbeat is too weak!"
"..."
[...]
"..."
"We have done what we can, the rest is up to him..."
"..."
Perhaps it was just a dream, I thought I heard some noise entering my sense of hearing during my dreamless rest. Despite the deep sleep I was in, I began to regain my function. But it was not yet enough to wake me, instead my mind began to dream. Not a wild dream where I went through something I never had during a pitiful moments of inability we call 'reality.' But a dream which felt so real it trapped me inside and gave me hard time differing which was real and which was not.
The lids of my eyes began to raise, both of my eyeballs recognised a wooden desk right in front of me. Meanwhile my own self was sitting on a chair with my hands resting on its arms. As I slowly raised my head, I could feel a small knockback from my motion. My body felt like rotating a bit, just then I realised that I was sitting on some kind of rotating chair.
"You awake?"
A sound had alarmed me, for a second I frantically turned around to see where it came from. But instead of finding it, I realised another bizarre fact;the place I was in was literally nowhere. The chair, the desk, and me were placed in a vast room where the floor was black bottomless while the ceiling was topless grey and the walls, if there was any, was borderless shades of gradient between black and grey.
"Please, do not panic. Remember that I've promised not to hurt you."
Abruptly I stood from the chair where I sit, again looking where that voice came from. I've tried to observe every angle available in this place, from my back around to my back again, but still nothing, I was alone in this place.
"Please Mr ———, sit, and I'll explain everything."
I turned myself around abruptly, this time because I was definitely sure that that voice was coming from my back. Both of my eyes dilated as I found a black silhouette of a man standing behind the desk. His whole figure was shrouded in darkness, making me unable to recognize any feature of his body. But from his silhouette, the only thing I could notice is that he was about 170 centimetres tall and was wearing a doctor's coat.
[Wait, what did he just call me?]
He just said only three lines and obviously he just called my name, I remembered everything he just said, but no matter how I recalled everything he said in my mind, I could not repeat the part where he called my name.
"I understand that you are willing to participate in our program—"
"What did you just call me?!"
I furious barged and walked around the desk toward him, but when I reached my hands to his collar about to grab his figure, my hands just went through his figure, as if I was trying to catch a ghost. His figure also disappeared when my fingers touched his silhouette, making me frantically turning around looking for him. But despite his figure gone, his voice could still be heard continuing his sentence behind my back.
"...and I thank you for your consent. Believe me when I say that you will do great deeds should you succeed."
As I turned myself around, I found the logic of this place had been bent. The desk I walked around should had been at least four steps away from me,but instead I found it standing right in front of me. Terrified, I took a step back. But the back of my thigh bumps against something hard and deprived me of my balance. I braced my bottom to land on something solid, but instead, my fall halted mid-way on something else; a rotating chair.
I literally dropped my jaw. I started gasping, not just through my nose, but also through my mouth. Soon I remembered that I had to calm myself, start with stopping to breathe orally and closed my lips. The sudden change on my breathing pattern forced me to swallow some of my saliva, which ironically almost made me choked. But it actually helped, I had calmed a little.
But still I hadn't yet to understand what was really happening here. Even I began to doubt if I was really still alive. Since everything, from this'room,' this chair, the desk, the sensation of grabbing a ghost I felt when I was about to grab that figure, the feeling of almost got choked by my own spittle, and the sensation I felt when I fell to this chair, all of those were too damn real for a dream.
"From this moment on, you'll be living in this facility. You will get everything you want, but we expect you to always be prepared any time we need you."
Despite I had several questions about what he just said, like what did he called me, what he meant with 'program,' or who is he, I had given up on asking. The only thing I wanted now was to get out of this place.
"Every once and then, I will monitor your condition personally. There is no actual schedule for that, I will do it sporadically—"
"Shut up! Just get me out of here!"
I screamed as loud as I could, but he did not react. Even I realised that my loud voice didn't even echo, as if this 'room' I was in was boundless,literally infinite.
"...and that's all you need to know for now. Someone will show you your quarter. If you ever need anything, just let us know."
I couldn't hold my impatience anymore, not if I was going to be confined in this room forever. I wanted to scream, loud enough that my lungs would break. I stood from the chair where I sit and slammed both of my hands onto the wooden desk in front of me.
"You deaf fuck! All I want is to get—"
Just in an instant, I could feel something, I can differ what is real and what is not. It felt just like when someone has kidnapped me, put a blindfold over my eyes, taken me on a plane, opened my blindfold, and then threw me out from that plane.
"—OUT!!!"
I woke up from my sleep while still continuing what I did last in my dream; screaming on top of my lungs. My voice was so loud, that was the only thing I could hear until ten seconds later. That kind of sudden shift in my conscience made me slightly confused, but only for a brief moment before I could adapt to my new surroundings.
Immediately after I stopped screaming, my senses began to recover. First thing I did was to apprehend what had happened, I needed to know where I was. Currently, I was sitting on a bed in a white room where there was only one bed, which I sat on. There were also a desk with a chair, a mirror, a jacket hanging next to it, and a medical kit cabinet.
After a few seconds, I could feel my head was dizzy. I realised that this room was a part of a ship. Not too long after that, I began to hear rushing footsteps from outside the room. The room did not had any door, only a rectangular hole in the wall with a door frame covered by a cloth as its curtain.
As the footsteps outside got louder, my instinct began to react. I scanned the room for weapon to defend myself since I didn't exactly know where I was now. But I couldn't find anything useful.
*FLUSH*
A sudden voice of flapping fabric diverted my focus, from looking for a weapon towards the entrance which covered in cloth. There stood two sturdy-looking man who fixed their eyes on me for a moment.
"HE'S AWAK—"
One of the men shouted. Yet before he finished, I managed to silence him by throwing a pillow to his face. To my surprise, my throw was strong enough to knock him back off the doorway. The other man immediately ran toward me while looking violent. I could read his movement, he was trying to pin me onto the bed where I was sitting.
Before he could reach me, I jumped at him and landed my right foot to his left shoulder. I used the direction of my fall and my weight to bring his whole body down. My body was not heavy enough to actually pin him on the floor, but I still had enough force to kick him back using my right foot still on his left shoulder.
His back collided against the wall and the medicine cabinet, some of its content pouring to the floor. Some of the medicines got scattered all over the floor as their glass bottles shattered from crashing the floor. Meanwhile the plastic bottles withstood the fall with only pouring out their contents as the fall broke open their lids.
Among the cluttering pills, I noticed a pair of small scissors which also fell out from inside the medicine cabinet. Realising my opponent was still struggling to rise up from my recent attack, I seized the chance to pick the scissors with my right hand.
Right after I grabbed the scissors, the man thrusted his right shoulder at me while his left hand caught my right wrist. The force of his attack pushed me backward, strong enough to land my back against the bed. He had my upper body pinned against the bed and his grip upon my wrist so tight that it forced me to let my grip on the scissors go. Even my free left hand was not strong enough to push his face away.
Suddenly I realised that my legs were still free. Didn't took me long to pull my legs towards his abdomen and then push him with all my might. He stepped aback trying to regain balance. Yet the pills on the floor undermined his effort. He tripped and fell to the floor with the back of his headfirst against the wall.
He groaned in pain. I guessed the fall must have made his head dizzy, the sound of his head crashing against the wall was loud enough to distract me that I realised that outside there was stampeding sound of footsteps approaching. Immediately I shifted my eyes toward the scissors in my right. I turned around and grab them with my left hand since my right hand was still hurt.
At the corner of my eyes, I noticed four men were standing by the doorway, looking at me amazed after they found the man I knocked down lying against the wall. I tightened my grip to the scissors in my left hand while sorting my breath. My left foot hovering slowly onto the floor, trying to find a solid surface while my right still sitting on the bed along with the rest of my body, preparing to charge towards them.
"Quick! Hold him!"
Suddenly, a voice commanded from outside. The voice had all of us distracted, but it also gave me the chance to attack first. I thrusted myself forward while holding the scissors and ran towards them. There was only small chance that I could win against four people, but taking advantage of their distraction, I might be able to take one of them as my hostage.
It should only take me three steps until I reach the one who stood at the front, but my first step alerted them all. The man in the front managed to avoid my first attack with the scissors, but he didn't do anything after. Instead another man proceeded to grab my left wrist and another man tackled my chest. Both of them pushed me backwards towards the bed.
After the two had me pinned down, the other two joined them, making it harder for me to break free. The man holding my left wrist bit my hand, making me screams in pain and forced me to open my grip. I didn't know what he did next with the scissors, I couldn't see him. I kept expecting the worst, but four of them just kept restraining my movement without doing anything that would damage me fatally.
Among the chaos, I noticed someone else had entered the room. He walked hastily toward me, trying to face me without having his men letting their restrain off me. It would seem he was their leader, someone who was responsible for my condition right now.
Using all the power left in my body, I raised my body trying to stand. To my surprise, I was strong enough to resist against them. Although barely, I was finally able to face him, there stood a man wearing green sweater, slowly taking steps aback to make his distance from me. The four men were restraining me with all their might, one pulling my left arm, one pulling my right, and two other locking my neck, but their effort was rendered useless. I was stronger alone then four of them.
"It's okay, don't panic..."
The other man in front of me slowly approached, he lifted his right hand toward my forehead. Then I could feel a damp sensation on my moustache area,some liquid dropped from my nostrils into the grinding teeth inside my opened mouth, from which I could tell a distinct taste of salt.
"Calm down! You're bleeding!" the man ordered loudly. Even without his order, I slowly lost strength, I began to feel weak, not even strong enough to stand. Also slowly, the grips of the four men were loosening. But without their support, I couldn't even stand on my own.
As I was losing my balance, the man in front of me caught me. His slightly taller figure than me forced me to look above so I could look him in the eyes.
"What's happening? Where am I? What—"
Weakly I queried a barrage of question, as I was unsure how long I could maintain my consciousness. I just wished he'd at least answer one of my questions.
"Relax, I know you have so many questions."
"Just answer— Wait... who... am I...?"
"Rest..." his voice is keeps fading away as I lose my awareness, "we will talk later."
"..."
"..."
Again, I fell into a dreamless rest, but I was still too restless to have this rest. The next thing I knew, I was back in that room; a room with only one chair and one desk. I raised my hands onto the desk, once and twice I tried to clap them. The sensation and the sound they produced, they felt so real. Yet I was sure that this place was not real at all.
"What is this place?"
Another question, as if there was not enough matter to confuse me at the moment. The solitude of this place gave me peace to reflect on myself, I tried to answer the entire questions myself, but I didn't have the facts I needed to arrange the facts.
"What happened to me?" That was the first question, "what is the reason I ended up here?"
The last thing, and ironically also the first thing I could remember was waking up staring at stormy sky while floating on the ocean.
"But what happened to me that I ended up there? Fuck! I can't remember anything!"
I covered the top of my head with both of my hands and furiously scratched it. I hated myself for knowing absolutely nothing.
"Who am I?" I asked myself. "What did I do to deserve all this?!"
"Good day, Mr. ———."
"What?"
It was happening again, I was not alone here. Someone or something was communicating with me. Not just that, he also called my name but I was still unable to hear my own name.
"Who's there?!"
I looked around, at least waiting for another voice. Just let me believe that I was not insane.
"Who's there?"
Another voice, but I didn't like this. I knew exactly that voice, that harsh voice of mine.
Did my voice echoed? That voice was definitely mine, my voice talking to the other voice. I had no recollection of it anywhere, yet I felt like I knew what I will have to say. Was I the one in control of this room? Or instead, this room controls me?
"I'm the one in charge of this project."
Suddenly another black silhouette of man appeared from my right. He walks around me to the other side of the desk until I can see his full figure. He is completely different from the one I meet in my previous visit to this room. This one is slightly taller, at least 180 centimetres, he is also wearing a suit and his hair is neatly combed aback.
"Then you must be Doctor Einhorn..."
"Then you must be Doctor Einhorn."
I correctly guessed what ethereal my voice had to say. Finally I realised that this was not something that was happening to me, instead something that had happened to me. This room was a place from my memories. But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't remember anything about this Doctor Einhorn,what he called me, nor what happened in this room.
The silhouette approached me who was sitting on the chair and offered me a handshake, doubtfully I raised my hand to answer his gesture. And to my surprise, I could feel a solid texture of a hand as I shook his hand. The sensation was definite meat, flesh and muscle. His grip was firm, yet so gentle, like handshaking with a living stone statue, only far more alive.
"How are your progresses?"
"I'm still struggling with the basics, what do you expect me to accomplish?"
When he spoke, I already knew the respond. But at the same time, I also felt like I had never been here before. It felt like re-experiencing a past you never knew about. Despite being the one who was experiencing this, I could only watch like a bystander.
"I believe my subordinate had briefed you."
"Yes, but not in details."
"Okay, what do you want to know?"
"Can you start from the very beginning?"
"Well, I'm not sure how..."
He pondered for a moment, might be thinking about what he should say next.
"...do you like this world?"
"Excuse me?"
"How the world is governed by the olds and frails who manipulate the young and toughs to protect what they have and to get what they don't have nor deserve?"
"..."
For a moment, my voice went silent, even if I had experienced this, I didn't know how I would respond to that kind of question.
"I'm not sure, but I don't think I'd like it."
"You should be. In my early days, I've killed one to many human souls before I understood their value, not to me, but to those who cared for them."
"You were a soldier?"
"Yeah, my past is something that I can't replace with good deeds."
"..."
"I never liked it, and I don't want anyone else to feel the same."
"That's why you choose to do something about it?
"Yeah, and you are the key to that."
"What do you mean?"
"You know time travel, right?"
"Yeah, what does that have something to do with me?"
"Two years ago, I witnessed an important event which is probably the most influential event of my life."
"What event?"
"It's a long story, but enough to make me say that I might have found a way to change the whole world."
"Okay, but what does everything I am doing have something to do with... time travel?"
Without context, I was unable to understand a single thing they're talking. What does Doctor Einhorn and I have to do with time travel? What happened between us? I was beginning to see the importance of Doctor Einhorn for me. At least enough to believe that if I wanted to know about what happened tome, I should search for him.
"To be honest, I can't say anything for the moment since I am not yet sure that I am absolutely right."
"And, what will happen if you're wrong?"
"..." he went silent for a moment, with his hollow face looking at me deeply. It was odd, despite him being only a silhouette, I could feel something inside his faceless gaze, some kind of sympathy, as if I deeply believed in him. "That choice is yours to decide and to fight for, I can only guide you through the way, the way I'm not sure exist."
"Doctor Einhorn?"
Suddenly another voice could be heard interrupting, it took Doctor Einhorn's attention away from me. He turned around and faces my right, looking blankly at nothing, as if he was talking through his eyes. After a few moment, he nodded and turned his face back at me.
"It would seem this concludes our session for today, we will continue this later."
He proceeded to walk around to my back through my right, I fixed my eyes at him, tracing his movements to find him fading away as he reached the backside of my chair.
I was left here alone, left to do nothing. His conference with ethereal me didn't help me. Instead it left me with even more questions to answer. I covered my face with both of my hands and rested my elbows on my knees, closing my eyes tightly while wishing when I open my eyes, everything would have been just a nightmare.
"Hey, ———!"
Another ethereal voice can be heard, but the voice is different from any voice I've heard. The voice was so soft, calming, and soothing. It was calling my name, but my ill perception for sound was preventing me from hearing my own name. That voice also felt so familiar, so familiar it forced me to turnaround looking for its source.
After turning around more than half a circle to my right, a little far from the chair, I could see a white figure standing and waving its hand at me. Its perpetual motion seemed like asking me to approach it. I raised myself from the chair. Still clearing my doubt, I slowly approached the white figure in afar.
"Come on!"
Its movement broke, it stopped waving its hand sidewards and begins to waving its hand back and forth. Slowly, I began to notice that the white figure was a girl.
The closer I got, the white figure's shape began to form a noticeable silhouette, just like Doctor Einhorn's black silhouette figure, just in different colour. Her hip long hair swayed as her hand moved, she wore a one piece dress as long as her knees and a wide brimmed straw hat.
"Hurry up!"
When I was about at least fifteen steps away from her, she lowered her hand and began to run away from me. As she made a distance between me and her, I could hear playful giggles, as if she wanted me to catch her.
"Wait!"
She had made enough distance before I started chasing her. She didn't run fast, didn't take much effort for me to catch her. But when I touched her figure, her body broke to hundreds of ravens flapping their wings to fly upward and disappeared to the air. This surprise had me covering my face by crossing my arms. But oddly, her playful giggles didn't disappear. I could still hear it from somewhere. I turned my face left and right and backwards to find her again.
"Hey, ———!"
I could hear her again. But instead of approaching her, I turned myself and tried to ignore her. But wherever I turned, I could still see her in afar in front of my eyes.
"ENOUGH!"
I unleashed my rage by shouting on top of my lungs. But what followed was this place's sky and ground began to swap. The black ground shifted forward while the grey sky shifted backward until the black ground ended in where the grey sky was and the grey skies ended in the place where the black ground formerly occupied. After which, the white figure stopped giggling and calling me.
The sudden change of this place made me terrified. Again I wanted to get out. For at least four times, I turned around looking for the desk and chair or—better yet—the exit without finding anything. Until suddenly I saw the same white figure again. But now she was hanging from the black ground ceiling, staring its hollow face at me blankly.
"You're la~te!"
"Huh?"
She touched my forehead using her right index finger, her touch made me flinch and close both of my eyes. Her touch made this whole place collapse, the sensation of her touch soon be swept by the explosion of gushing wind all around me. I didn't know what happened. The next thing I knew, I went unconscious. I fell into dreamless slumber, the time revolved, the world rotated, all without me.