Xin Lan stared after him his hand still hovering in the air. That was supposed to be a turn-off? Then why did he feel like … he hadn't gotten nearly enough? Just brushing against his lips like this … Couldn't he have given him a real kiss if he decided to do this? One he could savor until he was satisfied?
Xin Lan sighed and shook his head. This was as much as he could ever hope for. And, well, now, he wouldn't have to continue asking himself what would have happened if Chun Yin hadn't barged in back then or at least had taken a bit longer.
This was probably the kind of kiss they would have shared. Something … fleeting without much substance. A kiss given out of sheer hopelessness because there was no other alternative anymore.
He sighed again, finally lowering his hand. His Master truly knew him too well. This kind of kiss was probably the only thing that could make him give up. It really … was a kind of turn-off.
Maybe being with Jinde could make him happy but on the other hand … If Jinde had gotten together with him, he would have been hurt. Because other than the madness Jian Heng drove him to that finally ended in one big disaster that almost cost his life, a relationship with him would have made him die a little bit each day until he would have closed his eyes forever out of depression. That wasn't the kind of end he wanted for the person he loved.
Xin Lan's lips curved in a rare smile and he followed Jinde out of the room, finding him in the doorway to the courtyard. He went over, stopping two steps behind him like he had always done but this time, he didn't feel bitter about it. At least not as much as he had before. No, it was time to accept this. Just because he thought Jinde was good for him, it didn't mean that he was good for Jinde. And if he truly loved him … he wouldn't think about this any longer. He would let go and do what his Master had said: Live his life and be open just in case something new happened. Maybe there really was somebody out there he could fall in love with.
Jinde turned back and raised his brows.
"It's alright. I understand now."
"That's not even what I wanted to say."
Xin Lan also raised his brows. He didn't understand. If that wasn't what he wanted, then …
"We have a problem." Jinde motioned outside and stepped to the side to make way for Xin Lan.
"Did that guy make a mess out of the courtyard?" Xin Lan frowned and passed by his Master. When he looked into the courtyard … "Where is he?"
"That's what I'm talking about."
"Fuck!" Xin Lan hit the wall next to him. Unfortunately, that didn't bring the fallen god back either. He took a deep breath before finally turning back to Jinde. "I'm sorry. We should have taken care of your soul first. Now … you'll need to wait. I didn't want that."
Jinde merely nodded. "I know. I was the one who asked to talk with you first anyway. There's no way I'd have you take any responsibility for this. Don't worry about it. He'll come back."
Xin Lan grumbled. "I doubt it. I coincidentally ran into him in the capital. Or, well, it seems he was searching for me to …" He furrowed his brows. "I have no idea how he came up with that idea but it seems that he thinks I'm in love with him. He came to tell me off."
Jinde chuckled and turned back inside. "It must have been a shock. After so many years of beauties getting weak knees in front of you, there is actually one that doesn't feel flattered when you make eyes at them."
"I wasn't —" Xin Lan shut up when Jinde glanced back at him with a smile. Ah, alright, he had fallen for it again. He took a deep breath and followed Jinde inside. "Anyway, he already delivered the message. Who knows where he went to now? How am I supposed to find him?"
"I don't think you have to. He seemed … rather attached to you. Maybe he'll come to find you instead?"
"Is this an effort to set me up again? Because I'd rather decline if it is. There are some things that aren't worth to be pursued. I only want him to heal your soul and afterward, he can vanish for all I care."
"Mn, well, whatever the reason I don't think you need to worry. Even if it takes some time, it's not like my soul is about to dissipate anymore. And Jin Yu and Qiu Ling are already on their way to gather the ingredients. So for the time being, we can just work on that." He stopped in the doorway to his bedroom and turned back around, his lips curving into a beautiful smile. "Actually, leave the work to my husband and that bear child. I'll take a break from all this excitement and as for you …" He reached over and patted Xin Lan's chest. "Maybe you should go and take a break too. Have some fun. Open your eyes wide and take a good look at the beauties around you."
Xin Lan raised his brows. "I guess I'll return to the dragon realm for a while then. Are you sure you'll be alright on your own?"
Jinde chuckled. "Are you seriously asking me that? I've lived alone for so long. I'll be able to survive these few days. Ah, it'll be hard without Jin Yu though. I already miss him." He turned away and stepped into the room, leaving Xin Lan alone on the corridor. "Take your time with your break! No need to worry about anything else!"
Xin Lan sighed. His Master really had a unique way of pushing somebody politely out of the door. "I'll go then. See you soon." Well, it wasn't too bad either. Taking a break … it was something he hadn't done in a long time. Maybe … this was a good moment to make up for it.