Jinde pulled at his lapel to try and get some more air. He had really been along for too long to take that kind of gaze from his lover.
Leng Jin Yu hurriedly looked away when he saw Jinde move but he couldn't help but notice how dry his throat had gotten. He shouldn't only have put a cup of tea beside Jinde. He should have gotten one for himself too. If he went now to fetch one, it would really be too obvious.
He cleared his throat and tried to get back to the topic. "Well, the humans are … I don't know how to describe it. A lot of them are very pragmatic about relationships. It is something expected of them and something that is beneficial to their families. Naturally, they would want to marry someone they love if possible but that depends on their ability to find that person and some unions might indeed be deemed impossible."
Jinde's gaze clouded over and the heat cooled quite a bit. "You wouldn't want to say that it is impossible between us, would you?"
Leng Jin Yu shook his head, his hands also stilling. "No. Definitely not. I don't know, I was probably too indecisive in regard to you. I didn't make my feelings as obvious as I should have."
"Then what are your feelings?" Jinde straightened up, his gaze never leaving Leng Jin Yu's face. The answer to this question might very well decide over how they would proceed. Or maybe if they would proceed at all.
Leng Jin Yu looked back at him. How could he clad those feelings in words? "I desire you."
Jinde smiled. Should he congratulate himself that his plan to seduce his lover had worked out or should he hate himself for failing to induce more than just desire? Before he could answer Leng Jin Yu already continued.
"I desire your body, your touch, your company. I crave to see you and to hear your voice. From the moment I saw you, I was hardly able to think of anything else. Sitting here and looking at you is more difficult than I could ever have imagined. My throat is dry and my eyes can't help to return to your body while my heart beats madly. I think … I think I'm in love with you."
Jinde's lips curved into a sweet smile. "I love you too."
Leng Jin Yu smiled back. "I think you've already confessed to that earlier than I did. Jinde, I can see what you're trying to do. It's not that I … don't want you. Or that I'm not willing to spend a night with you. It's just that among humans just spending a night would be frowned upon. I think in this case it would be expected to get to know each other better and then … marry."
Jinde continued to smile. "So you want to marry me?"
Leng Jin Yu didn't answer immediately. He looked at the scroll of paper and picked up the brush again, adding details to the lines depicting Jinde's legs. "I think I do."
Silence engulfed them for a while before Jinde sighed. "Why do I always hear you say you think? Aren't you sure?"
"I'm not sure about that. My heart tells me that I love you. My mind tells me that there is more to this than I understand right now. Jinde, we've known each other before, haven't we?" He didn't want to bring it up. He didn't want to make Jinde miserable by reminding him of a time he might want to forget. But if Jinde continued to behave like this … sooner or later he wouldn't be able to hold back and until that day he wanted to get those doubts out of the way.
"Why do you say so?"
"There were a lot of hints. Those things I remembered, those things you said … If I wasn't able to figure it out with this, I probably wouldn't have been able to ascend and would have died long ago. So is it true?"
Jinde nodded. "It is. We knew each other. By all right … you should have been my husband."
"Your …" Leng Jin Yu stared at him, unable to understand what he had said just now.
His husband … Well, he had expected that they had been lovers of some kind. But assuming and hearing it were two completely different things. Suddenly being faced with this honest revelation he didn't know what to do.
"Mn. Well, you never were. Not officially, that is. Actually, it's kind of funny considering what you just said about human relationships. You know us dragons are a little more simple-minded in regards to that. If we like someone, we will tell him so and if that person likes us back, we will spend a night together. If there are witnesses or if we show off the marks of that night the next day, we would count as a married couple."
Leng Jin Yu listened and his heart squeezed together. He had a sinking feeling and it got worse the longer Jinde talked. If … so maybe those ifs hadn't been fulfilled in his past life? Maybe there had been a night but no witness or no mark? Well, that would explain why that voice inside of him had been so anxious when it discovered that the mark left on Jinde's shoulder had vanished. "I …"
Jinde didn't give him time to mention his guesses. "You ended up married to somebody else instead. Even though there was no doubt that we loved each other."
Leng Jin Yu frowned. How could something like this have happened? And why did he remember that image of Jinde lying in bed naked if … Ah, no. Come to think of it he had never seen Jinde's whole body in that memory. It had just been his upper body, most of it covered by his hair. Maybe they hadn't actually slept with each other? Maybe they had been interrupted? He didn't know but he didn't dare to ask either. This was something far away from him but it was obvious it was still very close to Jinde.
Jinde sighed when he saw Leng Jin Yu like that. "Jin Yu, your past life is your past life. Whatever happened, it's not something that can be changed anymore. I don't blame you for anything either. All that … it's long past and it's not like I didn't make my fair share of mistakes. It's normal."
"Then …"
"Well, you said you love me. I said I love you. So if you want me, you only need to come over and take me and I'll be yours forever."